Anybody up for a game of naked twister?

Update: The link went dead, but I found a better one.

Bunni asks a very good question in the comments to a post about being good in bed:

Generally my experience is that men who brag about sex are god awful. If they are that good at it, why are they talking to me? Shouldn’t they be somewhere trying to revive some poor ravished girl with light slaps and gatorade?

Would you believe it? An annual smurf orgy. Because after all, Smurfette is the only female smurf in the smurf village. It goes like this:

Cradling his head to her crotch, Smurfette’s hips begin to slowly grind and twitch, for Papa Smurf’s tongue has unerringly found her S-spot, and Smurfette begins the slow, hot, agonizing rise to ecstasy.

“Oh, make me smurf, baby, make me smurf!” she pants, each stroke of his tongue causing her to throb and clutch.

As Smurfette’s moans and cries rise in pitch higher and higher, the crowd gazes in amazement at the mighty mound of meat struggling to escape from Papa Smurf’s pants. This, then, is the legendary Trouser Titan….

Hey, I didn’t say it was a well written smurf orgy.

Update: I am informed that Smurfs have become a valuable industrial input.

Here are some observations about communication between the sexes, from this essay at Wired Tales:

“Don’t stay up too late” is often a simple expression of concern that we get enough sleep. “How soon are you coming to bed?” means “I want you there while I’m still awake.” Don’t say it if that isn’t what you mean.

Don’t make us think too hard about “codes” like this. “I’m going to turn in early” could mean you had a hard day and you’re legitimately exhausted. If you want us there too, you have to ask, “Are you coming?”

On second thought, screw subtlety. Just grab our dick. That’s unmistakable.

“If you want to.” When we say it, we genuinely care whether you want to. We know that sometimes you don’t, and sometimes we can’t tell. However, we always want to; we think it’s obvious that we want to; and we assume you are aware of that. So when you say “I will if you want to”, we think it can’t possibly be meant at face value: we think you’re really saying that you don’t really want to, that you’re going to endure it for our benefit, and that you’re setting us up for you not having any fun. So when it goes wrong (as it inevitably will, if you don’t want to), then it’s our fault. We hate that.
…
“Unzip me?” I’ve never understood this. Do you genuinely need help getting out of your clothes? Why would you wear clothes you couldn’t get out of?

Helping you out of your clothes is a form of foreplay. Don’t ask us to help you undress unless you’re going to let us fuck you–or unless you genuinely are stuck / tangled in your clothes.

Those pesky police spoil everything.

This has got to be the dirtiest little yellow animated smile icon ever seen:

Found at Your Dirty Mind.

Yeti says:

Okay ladies. Time to make your amends. I keep warning you that when you turn thirty the sex hormone is going to completely change your life.

You spent 15 years playing with men because they seemed easy to control sexually. Now the roles are reversed.
…
So take my advice now. Be nice to those fellas – cause payback is coming soon.