Here’s something you don’t see every day: Superman getting his knob polished.

Parody fan art by Nikochan009.

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When the modern rebels start to invade the haunts of the old-fashioned rebels who have gotten staid and conservative, it gets ugly:

Nudists fight for bare essentials as swingers invade holiday colony
By John Lichfield in Paris
Thursday, 23 September 2010

To make a French nudist blush might appear to be a mission impossible. Not at Cap d’Agde, on the Languedoc coast, home to “naked city”, Europe’s largest nudist holiday colony.

A long-simmering war between two tribes of the unclothed — “traditional” nudists and so-called “libertines” or exponents of free sex — exploded into a public protest at the town’s council meeting this week.

Old-fashioned naturists have been complaining for years that Cap d’Agde’s once-sedate nudist quarter has been disfigured by an influx of partner-swapping clubs and raunchy hotels. A flurry of arson attacks on sex clubs two years ago was blamed on low-level terrorism by nudist fundamentalists.

At this week’s Cap d’Agde council meeting, the protests took a more peaceful form. Old-fashioned nudists complained that they, and their children, were being confronted with “voyeurist” and “exhibitionist” behaviour, including sexual acts in public. Worse, they suggested, the “deviant” newcomers sometimes walked about in their clothes and mocked the “real” nudists.

Florence Denestebe, an independent local councillor, said: “When the sun shines, there is an area of Cap d’Agde which turns into the European capital of free sex.”

She asked the town’s mayor, and MP, Gilles d’Ettore, to intervene before Cap d’Agde’s “oversexed” image caused an “explosion of libertine behaviour in non-nudist areas” of the town.

About 30 traditional nudists (fully dressed) applauded her words from the public gallery. One said: “We bought a flat here 34 years ago because we wanted to live naked, to live with the sun. We wanted a natural life. Now, we are surrounded by wild animals.”

Another protester said: “There are often more people walking around dressed than undressed… If you are just an ordinary nudist, they stare at you as if you were something bizarre.”

The “Village Naturiste” at Cap d’Agde, established 40 years ago, attracts up to 40,000 tourists at one time. Sometimes called “Naked City”, it has its own two kilometre-long beach, port and marina, fenced off from the rest of the town. The village has nudist camp sites, apartments, a hotel, shops, restaurants, bars, hairdressers and even a nudist post office and bank.

In the last decade, the village has been colonised by sex clubs and partner-swapping apartment complexes with names like Les Jardins d’Eden or Les Jardins du Babylon.

Deirdre Morrissey, a journalist who visited the resort for the Irish Independent last year, said rules had been relaxed to allow an invasion by the “libertine movement” for “commercial purposes”. “Libertines believe in pure hedonism, including exhibitionism, as we discovered when we sampled the nightlife,” she wrote.

“Over our après-dinner cappuccino, we were a little surprised to see a buffed-up guy dressed in a police uniform mincing around the seating area of the restaurant bothering the patrons. [He ended by] thrusting his naked bits at a pair of female diners, like some sort of bizarre, hedonistic digestif.”

Remember when Ning.com threw out all its adult communities, back in 2008?

Ning To Adult Social Networks: Bugger Off

Well, I used it as an example in support of my broad premise that anything worth doing on the internet is worth doing with your own domain that you control. Free services will inevitably screw you, one way or another.

Just last month I got caught up in a bit of a twitstorm just last month when I questioned the wisdom of using Ning.com for an adult bloggers co-op, earning me a number of huffy and defensive responses. A central theme of those responses (which I cannot link because the person promoting the co-op has since “protected” their tweets) was the point that Ning.com was free, whereas setting up your own social networking software might be expensive, complicated, or difficult.

I hate to say I told you so, but…

I told you so. From Ning, a few days ago:

Hi,

Today we made some changes at Ning. I want to share with you the email Jason Rosenthal, our CEO, sent to all Ning employees:

Team,

When I became CEO 30 days ago, I told you I would take a hard look at our business. This process has brought real clarity to what’s working, what’s not, and what we need to do now to make Ning a big success.

My main conclusion is that we need to double down on our premium services business. Our Premium Ning Networks like Friends or Enemies, Linkin Park, Shred or Die, Pickens Plan, and tens of thousands of others both drive 75% of our monthly US traffic, and those Network Creators need and will pay for many more services and features from us.

So, we are going to change our strategy to devote 100% of our resources to building the winning product to capture this big opportunity. We will phase out our free service. Existing free networks will have the opportunity to either convert to paying for premium services, or transition off of Ning. We will judge ourselves by our ability to enable and power Premium Ning Networks at huge scale. And all of our product development capability will be devoted to making paying Network Creators extremely happy.

As a consequence of this change, I have also made the very tough decision to reduce the size of our team from 167 people to 98 people. As hard as this is to do, I am confident that this is the right decision for our company, our business, and our customers. Marc and I will work diligently with everyone affected by this to help them find great opportunities at other companies.

I’ve never seen a more talented and devoted team, and it has been my privilege to get to know and work with each and every one of you over the last 18 months.

We’ll use today to say goodbye to our friends and teammates who will be leaving the company. Tomorrow, I will take you through, in detail, our plans for the next three months and our new focus.

Thanks,
Jason Rosenthal

I know many of you will have questions about this announcement. We will share detailed plans within two weeks.

I feel confident that this change in direction will be very positive for our premium service customers because Ning will be 100% focused on delivering the features and services which benefit you and help you achieve your goals.

I will be here to answer your questions and respond to your concerns. However, today I am focusing on my team, so there may be a delay in my responses.

Thanks,
John McDonald
VP Advocacy

(Bold emphasis added by ErosBlog.)

It’s not that I blame Ning. Business models based on giving stuff away and then arm-waving your way to profit are failing all over the place. It’s just — this sort of thing will destroy another whole bunch of communities who don’t manage to raise the cash for the paid service or figure out a way to “transition off of Ning”. And it was predictable. Better, in my view, to set your stuff up in a way that can’t be easily destroyed by sudden shifts in other people’s shaky business models.

I’ve taken to calling it Bacchus’s First Rule Of The Internet: “Anything worth doing on the internet is worth doing at your own domain that you control.”

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Mistress Matisse was writing about her shoot earlier in the week for Everything Butt, when she diverged onto a tangent about anal hygiene. (Bluntly: how to wipe your ass.) She wrote:

I myself have been playing with people’s asses for a long time, and I am a little casual about it. No, I am not into scat. Yes, if you want me to play with your ass, you should definitely clean it up. (I cannot tell you how many boys I have seen over the years who did not even wipe themselves properly. I’m serious. I think little boys do not get trained about wiping themselves as much as little girls do, or something.

Here’s how you do it, gentlemen. While you are still sitting, wipe, and then look at the toilet paper. Is it dirty? Drop it, get a fresh handful and wipe again. Repeat this until the paper shows no smudges. Is that clear? The while you’re sitting part is important because it means your ass is more spread open and thus easier to clean.)

When I saw that, I boggled, and then I went back and read it again. Nope, still boggled.

So: “No. No, that is not clear. Not at all clear. In fact, it is perfectly perplexing.”

I refer specifically to the charge that one should conduct this operation while sitting. More specifically: What? The? Fuck?

I am somewhat larger than the average bear. Mistress Matisse, doubtless, is somewhat smaller than me (this is understatement). But I still do not understand how she, or anyone else, can wipe their ass whilst still sitting firmly on the toilet, unless: 1) they have been endowed with the mysterious power of passing their hand (and bumwad) through porcelain as if it were air, or 2) they have an ass that is less than six inches wide or nine inches long.

I have numbers to back this up. I went to my bathroom and measured my toilet seat. It is standard; I know this to be so because I bought it from Wal-Mart. The hole in the seat is an ellipse, approximately 8.5 inches on the minor axis (width) and 11 inches on the major axis (length).

The diameter of my hand across the base while grasping a wad of paper in a loose fist is approximately four inches. This, admittedly, is much larger than usual; I have huge hands. Let’s divide that by two — I’ve met women with hands half the size of my own.

So, thus. Assume that one positions the organ of excretion approximately over the center of the hole, for symmetry and avoidance of extraneous mess. While sitting in that position, in order to reach through the hole and into the bowl (where the area to be wiped is positioned, if one follows the Mistress’s directions) there would need to be a gap larger than two inches, somewhere.

Let’s rule out going in from the front (might work for a woman if she had two elbows and rubber bones, but a man has complicating topology.) One side or the other might sort of work, albeit inefficiently due to the orientation of the axis of the butt crease; but that would require sitting on the throne in a significantly lopsided way, with the business at hand being more than two inches off center — a bad idea given that we’ve only got just over eight inches to work with here.

No, I assume that she’s proposing to reach around and go in from behind, to take advantage of local topological conditions. And that means that her instructions will only work for people who have, when sitting, butt cheeks that occupy at least two inches less than the five and a half inches present between the center of the seat hole and the rear edge. So, doing the math, 5.5 minus 2.0 equals 3.5. Quod erat demonstrandum; if, when seated, your butt print extends more than three and a half inches to the rear of your anus, Mistress Matisse’s instructions are not practical.

When I was four years old, I was about that size, and used a procedure much like the recommended one; but not once I grew even unto the size of a middle schooler.

From all of this we must conclude one of two things. Either Mistress Matisse is considerably smaller than hitherto suspected, or by “sitting” she means some version of that squatting/hovering/crouch maneuver that lithe women are said to use in deeply disgusting public bathrooms. Which would certainly be possible, only why didn’t she say so? And why would she go to that extra effort, when, even standing, it’s really not that hard to wipe until, as she puts it, “the paper shows no smudges”? (Personally, and this will be TMI if nothing else so far has been, I’m a fan of those moisturized cleansing wipes that come in a discrete plastic tub for storage on the top of your toilet tank. They do a much better job than paper.)

Or, just as possible, there’s some flaw in my assumptions. I’m not sure I’ve ever seen anybody wipe their ass from any less than about thirty feet away, and that would have been outside under hunting camp conditions where no throne was present and no ass play was incipient. Maybe everybody but me shits into the front two inches of their toilet, directly onto the sloping porcelain above the water line (accepting the extra cleaning burden) to leave room for just such post-elimination procedures. I dunno.

What I do know, what I already knew, is that women are alien creatures, who sometimes speak to us in what sounds like the language we know, but the words (individually clear and distinct) convey nothing but confusion and perplexity when considered together.

Apparently there was just a big porn convention in Vegas, and Gawker Media was there. You may know Gawker Media for its several stylish blog titles, but it’s Fleshbot you’ll be most familiar with as an ErosBlog reader. Well, now I’ve been introduced to one of their newer titles, which also looks very promising indeed. Here now via Jezebel is Jezebel editor Tracie “Slut Machine” Egan’s Last Night I Boned An AVN Award Nominee, complete with “pictures or STFU” proof in the form of her triumphal hickie photograph:

They had this dude — the one I blew for a little bit in the bathroom — who was very easy to convince to come back to my hotel with me.

…

Back in the hotel, I decided I could use another drink (I really didn’t need it at all), and the dude I brought back with me said he wanted french fries, so we went to the Grand Lux Cafe (which is like the same thing as Cheesecake Factory) in the casino of the Venetian. We didn’t even touch what we ordered. We just drunkenly made out hardcore in the booth, and then I put my hand under the napkin on his lap and started jerking him off. Nobody blinked an eye. People weren’t even looking at us. When I remembered for a minute that I was in public and came up for air, I looked around and saw that people were too immersed in their own 3 AM dramas played out over extra large servings of fried food. One lady was crying next to a tight-jawed man, who was looking anywhere but at her face. The middle-aged gay couple next to us were arguing over whether to share or get their own meals. And the waiters were just happy that we weren’t bothering them with requests.

The dude put his dick back in his pants, we got the check and went back up to my room. (I’m sharing it with Jonno and Dash from Fleshbot.) We have an awesome suite; there are two beds and a sofa bed. Since I was the last one home, I got the sofa bed in the living room area, but that was fine for my purposes. Me and the dude went into the bathroom (I don’t have a picture of it, but it’s pretty grand) and just went at it. He lifted me onto the marble counter top. I wrapped my arms and legs around him, koala-bear style, and he fucked the shit out of me. He ruled and his dick was nice. I told him that he should maybe consider working in front of the camera instead of behind it.

We stayed in there for a little bit more and he finger banged me. I ended up squirting all over the damn place — which hasn’t happened to me in what seems like ages. It was shooting out sideways and shit, getting on both of our legs. I’m always a little afraid for that to happen in front of dudes, ’cause it’s such a fucking mess sometimes, but he seemed to be really into it.

Then we went to the sofa bed and I had every intention of falling asleep and not fooling around (the boys were just like 10 or 20 feet away), but he kept kissing me, and he was really too cute to turn down. I ended up blowing him again, and then he came on my tits. What the hay! We’re in Vegas!

We passed out, but I think I was only sleeping for like an hour before I felt his boner pressing up on my ass again. I pushed back, and before I knew it, we were spoon-fucking. Seriously, this guy is more of a machine than I am. I woke up in the morning with this:

I was kinda pissed about it. I’m not thirteen, you know. But Jonno put it into perspective for me when he said, “Consider yourself lucky that you fucked someone at the porn convention and all you got was a hickey.”

It has to be said: People are funny about their kinks. They want the kink, but sometimes they don’t want to own up to the sex part. They don’t like to admit that they do what they do because it makes them horny and leads to great sex.

In the realm of bondage, one way people sometimes display this curious hesitance is to treat bondage as if it were a sort of performance art. They wax lyrical about the aesthetics of the thing, do bondage displays in public venues with strict rules against any sort of sex play, and create highly stylized photography featuring beautiful bondage models like Roma, here, tied up with almost all of her clothes on:

Which, in my view, is mostly bunk. It leads to some breath-taking bondage photography, sure. But when a man ties up a woman’s breasts with that much care, it’s for one reason only. The reason? So she can’t bat away his hands when he does this:

Now, that’s what I call getting a good squeeze!

(Of course, those particular hands actually belong to Claire Adams, as you can see in the full gallery from Whipped Ass. No matter, it’s still a good squeeze.)

A new kinky site is out: Sex And Submission!

If you like your sex at all kinky, you’ll have noticed that genuinely kinky hard core porn is very hard to find. Bondage and spanking photos are a dime a dozen, but how often do you see a pretty woman in a leather collar with her wrists tied giving a big sloppy enthusiastic blowjob? Or bouncing happily up and down on some male porn star prong with her wrists clipped to the D-rings on her collar?

I’m not saying you can’t find it, but it’s not common and it’s rarely commercial. In the United States, this has something to do (I’m told) with porn-industry-standard “rules of thumb” designed to help porn producers avoid judicial unpleasantry in all the most sexually conservative corners of the country where their porn might get sold.

So imagine my suprise today to discover that one of my favorite porn producers (the folks who, from their bastion of permissive community standards in San Francisco, put out sites like the oddly transgressive Ultimate Surrender girl/girl wrestling site, the justly famous Hogtied bondage site, or the sadly-defunct Real Fucking Couples) has crossed the line in a big way with their new site called Sex and Submission. For the first time that I’ve seen, an American porn company is making real BDSM porn that includes tight bondage, hard spanking, and real unfaked sex.

Let me illustrate by pointing to this Sex And Submission shoot, which opens with an almost stereotypical, even banal, BDSM tableau. Here’s a pretty woman (Lori Alexia) on her knees, on a leash but not otherwise bound, looking hungrily in the direction of some fellow’s presumably masterful erection:

Of course, every two-bit BDSM pornographer in the last twenty years has shown you a picture like that, teasing you into hoping that she’ll be naked and tied (or chained, or whatever) in the next picture, and sucking like mad (still tied) in the picture after that. But if you bought the tease, you’d be disappointed. In the bad stuff, the leash is as good as the bondage gets; in the better stuff, her bondage gets more severe, and you might eventually see his penis held near her face, almost-but-not-quite in range of her tongue. And then in the next shot, you’ll looking at a blowjob closeup. And in the shot after that, they are going at it hammer and tongs — and she’s not tied any more. There are endless (and sometimes very creative) variations on the theme, but somehow the bondage and the sex never seem to make it into the same photographic frame.

In sharp contrast to those tired old ruses, Sex and Submission (astonishingly) appears to be delivering on the tease. In the shoot I took that photo from, it’s followed by a spanking photo, a picture of her being tied up tight with real rope, a display shot of her still leashed, but now topless with her hands tied behind, and then (philandering Zeus smite me if I lie!) two photos of her sucking intently on the man’s dick with her hands still tied and his tight grip on the leash “encouraging” her. I saw that and like to dropped my teeth. It’s a thing that (up until now) just wasn’t done.

Nor is it just a fluke. In this shoot, the Sex and Submission people have lovely Jamie all bent over in a short wooden pillory:

Again, every BDSM pornographer has got one of these pillories, and an endless supply of cute girls to put in it. You can find a hundred thousand versions of the inevitable weary flogging. But have you ever before seen the male talent take the obvious advantage of the situation and get a pillory blowjob? Perhaps I’ve led a sheltered life, because I haven’t. Until now.

When one does actually find this sort of real BDSM porn in odd foreign corners of the net, there’s always the additional worry that the scenes depicted might not be fully consensual. That’s the trouble with bondage sex — the vast majority of it as actually practiced in bedroooms and dungeons throughout the land is relentlessly consensual, but it’s neither easy nor desirable to portray that consent in a still photo. These galleries, made in America by a reputable producer of known fixed address, go a long way toward alleviating those sorts of concerns.

I’ll shut up now. It’s time to play one of my favorite games with The Nymph — the one where I show her pictures on my computer screen and she says “Eek!” (while observing avidly between widely-spaced fingers over her eyes). Y’see, she’s actually the carpenter of the family….

Update: There’s a rather heated comment to this post asking why “only the women are portrayed as submissives” and “will this company be fair and show men who are getting spanked and tied and fucked?” The answer, of course, is not “sexism” as the commenter proposes. In fact, the answer to the latter question is simply “Yes.” The company in question has had such a site for years, called Men in Pain. Here’s a shoot featuring a man in severe bondage being caned, flogged, and penetrated anally and orally by powerful women. Sorry, Michelle, that dog just won’t hunt. Unless the sexism runs the other way? Why has it long been OK to show this sort of explicit submissive bondage sex when the man is the recipient, but not when the woman is?

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