Vanity, Thy Name Is Fatal Penis Enlargement Surgery

News broke yesterday in a Canadian tabloid of a billionaire diamond dealer who died during a penis enlargement surgery:

Billionaire diamond trader Ehud Arye Laniad’s pursuit of a plentiful penis has ended in his death.

The 65-year-old big wheel died of a heart attack at a private Paris hospital where he was undergoing a penis enlargement procedure.

Reports say the Israeli-Belgian died on the operating table.

Belgian media report that Laniad was stricken when a substance was injected into his penis, triggering his demise.

One friend told Belgian media that Laniado had always been focused on his appearance and how others perceived him.

…

He reportedly owned a $50-million penthouse in Monaco, the principality’s most expensive. Laniad also was said to have had a penchant for celebrities and models.

A couple of random facts that I know, just to put this death in perspective. There are different statistics out there, but very roughly, there’s something like a .2% death rate for people undergoing elective surgeries (call it one in five hundred people). That’s not horrible, but imagine five hundred rounds of ammunition in a bucket. 499 will not fire; one will. You are invited to remove one round at random, place it in a gun, and fire the gun at your head. Would you do it? Sure you would… for a good enough reason. The question is, what’s a good enough reason? How much do you love life? What do you have to lose? What do you stand to gain?

Another random fact that I know is that injections (especially bulk injections) are more dangerous than they look. A “heart attack” immediately following an injection raises the specter that what happened to our guy was a botched injection. Google “cardiac embolism”. Basically the idea is that the “substance” being injected winds up in a blood vessel (there are a lot of blood vessels in the penis) and travels to the heart, where it gums up the works in an immediately fatal fashion.

Lub dup, lub dup, lub. dup… “Hello, Death? Is it…time?” “IT IS TIME, EHUD. COME WITH ME.”

Ehud Laniad was a billionaire who lived in the fanciest penthouse in Monaco. Life should have been pretty sweet. You wouldn’t think he’d feel like playing Russian Roulette, not even with a bucket full of empty chambers. But he did choose to play, and the chamber came up loaded. Boom! Ouch. Vanity, it kills, my friends.

Be safe out there, and be nice to yourself. Don’t do anything stupid.

Image credit: De Kapelle Der Dooden (1737).

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Death On Her Lips

From Kinky Delight, lipstick in a lovely red shade of death:

A word to the wise: if you have a choice, don’t date her.

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Don’t Go Buy Pasta While She’s Tied Up

This is a refreshing bit of Canadian jurisprudence. A tragic tale of death resulting from consensual but ill-advised bondage practices, and the charge brought was, accordingly, criminal negligence:

MONTREAL – A man convicted of manslaughter through criminal negligence after his girlfriend died during an experimental weekend of sado-masochistic sex has been ordered to serve a one-year prison term.

Patrick Deschatelets, 46, a Montreal firefighter, learned his sentence Thursday morning at the Longueuil courthouse during a hearing before Quebec Court Judge Claude Provost.

…

Deschatelets met the woman through a club for adults interested in sado-masochistic sex, in which one partner plays a dominant role while the other acts submissive. The victim had much less experience in such role-playing activities than Deschatelets. According to evidence heard during the trial, Deschatelets and the woman agreed to spend a weekend at his house, in February 2008, experimenting with role-playing activities.

…

On the day she died, the woman, who wrote about her experiences that weekend in a sort of diary on a computer, agreed to be bound in chains – with her feet fully restrained but touching the floor – with a metal collar around her neck. Deschatelets had the elaborate apparatus set up in his basement.

At one point, he stepped out to buy pasta for their dinner and when he came back, he found the woman unconscious and slumped forward in the chains. Using techniques he learned as a firefighter, he tried to revive the woman but she died of asphyxiation. It was later determined she had passed out from fatigue, slumped forward and was choked by the metal collar.

My impression is that the woman’s blog (aka “some sort of diary on a computer”) was very important to the defense, establishing a context of consent and doubtless saving the defendant from more serious charges. But there’s no excuse — not even her consent matters here — for leaving someone unsupervised and helpless in bondage that could compromise their breathing. It’s kind of amazing to see that the case was processed based on the actual criminal acts, rather than being treated as a kinky sex crime.

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