Wedding Night: A Study In Human Anatomy

Saturday, October 26th, 2013 -- by Bacchus

It’s no surprise that most of what I post on this blog comes from the sex-positive elements of our culture, because that’s what ErosBlog is all about. But it’s a serious mistake to hang out in the sex-pos bubble and forget that what we consider modern sexual values are not in fact completely prevalent in our culture. My nose was rubbed in this by a recent profile on the rural and religious and extravagantly-bearded stars of the Duck Dynasty TV show. These are men with considerable cultural cachet in 21st-century America, whatever you may think of them. I was thus intrigued by a passage in the interview in which one of the brothers appears proud of having abstained from sex until his wedding night. Noteworthy: (a) his brothers clearly think this was taking sexual morality just a bit too far, to the point of having attempted a sort of intervention; and (b) he himself acknowledges that the quality of the wedding-night sex was somewhat impaired by his resulting sexual ignorance.

Jep starts giggling. “Jase, tell about when your buddies gathered round you and said, ‘You’ve got to have sex with your girlfriend!'”

Jase kind of shrugs and smiles, and says, “I’ve never had immoral sex. My first sexual experience was on my wedding night.”

“What’d your buddies tell you, Jase?” says Jep. “‘Look, you’re not even going to know what to do!'”

Right around then, Willie, who was known to be quite the suave lady’s man back before marrying Korie, quickly crawfishes sideways into the dining area and away from any possibility of being dragged into the conversation.

“Well,” Jase continues, “on my honeymoon night, it wasn’t, like, you know — it was more like the little game Operation. It was like — ”

“A study of human anatomy?” posits Jep.

“Yeah, like, let me see what we got going on here. But you gotta remember, I’m not one into peer pressure. I didn’t drink when I was a kid, because my dad — going to the bar — I just said, ‘Whatever that is, I don’t want to do it.’ And the sex thing, I thought, ‘I’m gonna wait until I get married.’ I was six days short of 21. And she was a virgin, too.”

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