20 Years Of ErosBlog: Old Reviews Of Old Porn
Tuesday, October 11th, 2022 -- by Bacchus
Let me tell you a funny thing about sex blogging for more than two decades: I have bookmarks that are old enough to vote. No, no, of course you’re right: all my ancient hoarded links are broken! But the WayBack Machine is a thing, and somehow, over all these weary years, I’ve become one of the world’s leading professionals at finding old porn stuff in there. (Did I just say a true thing? I suspect I may have. People don’t exactly put “professional porn researcher” on their LinkedIn curricula vitae, so it’s rather hard to check.)
So anyway yes, I have the ancient porn links. I know where the boners are buried. I have links to forgotten sex blogs on old blogging platforms that nobody remembers. I have receipts, dang it.
A thing that I miss from 20 years ago is the genre of bloggers doing porn reviews like magazine writers used to do fancy book reviews. Smart people with a literary turn of mind, viewing porn — often rather stupid porn, as so much of it was and remains — as a text, and finding intelligent entertaining things to say about said text.
Who remembers the psuedonymous blogger “Kitty Bukkake”, blogging on the Diaryland platform? That would be me. Possibly only me, but at least I have receipts. Here’s three paragraphs from a much longer watch-and-review piece that Kitty did about the Jim Powers sleaze-classic American Bukkake 10. Kitty wrote this twenty years plus about a week ago:
Trinity Maxx is the first person to speak in American Bukkake 10. “Waiting is the hardest part, I tell ya,” she says to the camera, as a PA tells her “5 more minutes.” They chat about how porn time is different than regular time, and she explains, again to the camera, “The plot thickens.” I don’t know what she meant. I do know she seems to have a bit of a Boston accent, she’s white and very pretty. I wonder if she went to my high school.
Cut to Trinity’s solo scene. She finds herself alone in a concrete room and decides it is the perfect place to strip off her silver two-piece and masturbate. So she does for a while, and then she’s on a platform doing it more, but now in front of about 30 or 40 guys sitting crosslegged on the floor. I’m going to refer to these men as jerkoffs (the site for the video is jerkoffzone.com, so don’t take it the wrong way). Someone claps from off-camera and the jerkoffs stand up. Another clap and they pull down their underwear. A third clap and they hold their underwear above their heads, and a final clap brings shouts of “Bukkake!” and the flinging of the underwear at Trinity, who laughs and throws a pair of black boxers into the air gleefully. This is supposed to replicate the ancient Japanese ritual of bukkake, probably, and it happens at the beginning of every scene.
Pretty much right after the underwear gets tossed, the jerking off gets going. Trinity leans against a trashbag-covered backrest. Lots of the noises she supposedly makes are overdubbed. Her lips are closed and still she aahs; her teeth are clenched and yet she oohs. That’s the soundtrack, along with some instrumental music (I keep expecting it to stop for an operator to tell me that my call will be answered in the order in which it was received), the guys’ heavy breathing and grunting, plus some loud cameras. She tries to look as if she is having a sensual and enjoyable experience but I don’t believe her. Though I am trying not to say things like “She couldn’t possibly enjoy having three dozen strangers beat off on her head!” In therapy, I’ve found myself making blanket statements about how people feel, and my therapist replies with a “why not?” or a “you think?” and I realize that I’m just being judgmental and stupid, because there’s no telling what a person will do for love or money given the opportunity. Trinity says thank you to the jerkoffs sometimes, and she’s sort of sweet to them.
And that’s just the first scene! Kitty does the entire videotape (remember those?) in all its dubious and explosively-sticky glory.
Similar Sex Blogging:
