A Guide To Casual Sex

I’m not single. I’m not a girl. And I’ve never been socially smooth enough to arrange casual sex. So I am uniquely disqualified to opine on the advice in Adaya Adler’s Awesome Casual Sex For Single Girls. However, I’ve read the advice contained therein and I have to say, it sounds like good advice. Especially this bit, which matches my own prejudices and experiences (and isn’t that always the sort of advice we like best?)

No Cheaters — EVER!

All the websites listed above do, unfortunately, contain a large number of boyfriends and husbands who are looking to play around behind their significant others’ backs. These men are to be avoided at all costs. Cheating is highly disrespectful behavior, and if they’re willing to be that disrespectful of the person who is suppose to be the closest to them, they will not hesitate to disrespect you. (This can be any type of behavior to lying about their STD status to surreptitiously removing a condom during sex.)

Fellows, the guide wasn’t written for you, but it doesn’t take a genius to de-gender and re-gender that advice to suit your needs. A word to the wise is sufficient…

While He Sleeps

While he lies passed out in a drunken stupor, she is primping and taking a mirror shot for her online dating profiles. Somebody in this relationship is going somewhere, and it’s sure not him!

Your Guide To The Mushroom Forest

I’ve been reading Carnal Nation for awhile — they do the smart kind of PR, with not-too-frequent emails pointing me at specific headlines of potential interest — and thought I should mention today’s article by Midori. A Gentleman’s Guide To Online Sex offers a bunch of sensible-sounding tips for men looking for success at online dating:

Let’s start with your photo.

Do not use a photo of your cock, no matter how magnificent your tool is. So many guys do this that many women joke about these dating sites as being a “mushroom forest.” They want to meet a man–the whole package. The ones who want just the cock already have a drawerful in sizes that frighten horses. Anyway, true men of mystery shroud their schlongs in foreplay and hints of devastating skill that drive women nuts with anticipation.

Do not use captured images from your computer cam. The screen light makes you look ill and it screams, “I have no friends to take my photo.” Unless you’re really good at self-portraits, do not take your own photo in a mirror. The angle makes any belly look big and legs stumpy. Not flattering.

Photos that women find attractive show a guy’s face. If the musculature of shoulders, arms and pectorals are visible, that’s even better. If the photo shows him in some outdoorsy activity, that’s a big plus. If you’re not a big jock, at least get a shot taken while throwing a Frisbee to the dog a few rounds. Yes, you can crop the dog out.

These suggestions really ought to be read in concert, however, with the hard data from OkCupid. Their math gnomes are Violet Blue approved and scary-good with statistics, and they claim that the “no self-shot photos” advice is not good: “We were very surprised to discover that for both genders, self-shot pictures are more successful than average.”