Knife Play And Alcohol Don’t Mix

They thought it would be fun and sexy to cut each others’ undies off. With a knife. After several adult beverages. It didn’t end so well:

After having a few drinks together, the couple started to get intimate in the wee hours of Tuesday morning, the Expressen newspaper reports.

Not satisfied with traditional approaches to disrobing, the couple decided that it might be more fun to remove one another’s underwear using a knife.

After the 47-year-old man successfully sliced the stockings off his girlfriend, she gingerly gripped the handle of the knife and took a shot at cutting her boyfriend’s boxers right off his body.

Unfortunately for the man, the 36-year-old woman apparently lacked the same level of skill as her boyfriend when it came to handling sharp objects.

Rather than slashing through his underwear, the woman instead stabbed her boyfriend in the thigh.

“From what we understand, it was a sex act that went a bit wrong,” Maud Johansson of the VästerÃ¥s police told the newspaper.

Whoopsie!

Sex, Defined

Whatever they pay Emily Nagoski to be a sex educator, it’s not enough.

She starts with a definition: sex is “an evolutionarily adaptive reproduction strategy involving the recombination of two individuals’ genes.”

Friends, and I’m telling you straight: present that definition to me and I WOULD NOT CLICK THE LINK. Fuck no. Boring city.

But she unpacks it, explains it, walks it through gametes and peafowl and Alfred Kinsey and busy bonobo apes and her own beloved twin sister until she’s completely explained it, not only how that dry biology definition is sex, but why it’s the definition that explains not only romantic love but also every kind of kink you ever heard of:

And thus humans come with our ball gags, golden showers, foot fetishes, Catholic school girl fantasies, whips, cages, breath play, sensation play, group sex, monogamy, polygymy, polyandry, jealousy, gays and lesbians and bisexuals and asexuals and queer folks and folks who don’t claim any identity and transfolks, and LOVE ITSELF — and also assault, abuse, rape, pedophilia, and wide and daunting array of harmful uses to which we put sex, all the dazzling and heartbreaking variety we witness in humanity — vast, limitless. As Kinsey said, “The only unnatural sex act is one you can not perform.”

It’s the joyful work of a skilled professional. You really ought to go go see.

Similar Sex Blogging:

• Condemning The Very Idea Of Sex As Sin
• Making The World Safe For Low Desire
• Expert Advice On Sexual Torment
• Religion Is Bad For Your Sex Life
• Fuck The Bell Curve