Reluctant Polar Bear

Maybe it’s because I grew up in the Frozen North myself, but I’m really enjoying the Snow Bunnies tumblr. Polar Bear Clubs (where people band together to cut holes in the ice to bathe in the Arctic Ocean at astronomically significant times, like midnight on the winter solstice) really do exist; and all I can imagine is that this is a scene from one of them. In my imagination, there was a small office somewhere in Barrow or Deadhorse, maybe something to do with oilfield services or borough government, where they each pledged twenty bucks for a worthy charity, and then drew lots to see which one of them would be the naked sacrifice to the Arctic Ocean…

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I said: “NONE SHALL PASS…”

“All right boys, here’s how we’re going to take this fucking kremlin. Natasha, take off everything but your boots. Yes, everything. Yeah, I know it’s fucking cold. Just shut up and do it. Now here’s what we do. Natasha, you’re going to go up to that guard and distract the fuck out of him, give him some sob story about bandits. Doesn’t really matter, he’ll be so busy looking at your tits we’ll be able to cover the open ground behind him and get to the wall…”

Picture via Snow Bunnies.

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