Sure, there are lots of ways to not get laid. (Trust me, in my youth I practiced several.) But this method of replying to kinky personal ads has to rank WAY up there. “You eventually give me total access to your soul and I accept the responsibility as an honor….” Does that sound like a fellow who might be two people short of a threesome?

Thanks to Mistress Matisse for finding the link to total-access-man’s sarcastic tormenter.