Female Sexual Submission
As you know full well if you surf the sex blogs much, there’s a peculiar surplus of angst-ridden blogs by women who self-identify as sexually submissive. A frequent theme for the angst seems to be the tension between these women’s desires to be or to feel sexually submissive, and their desires to be fully valued as free and autonomous human beings.
It’s in that light that DTG’s trenchant observations on the difference between sexual submission and boring old acquiescence strike me as being most useful. I’ll let you click through for the bit on acquiescence, but the bit on submission is too fun not to quote:
Submission is right there in our physiology. We feel it in our bodies from the first time we get fucked. Like puppies, we roll on our backs and expose our soft bellies and breasts, spread our legs, and let you big guys have free run of our most tender parts. Not only do we submit, we wag our bums and pant joyfully and sometimes pee ourselves with excitement. Well, some of us do. Heh.
Shorter URL for sharing: http://www.erosblog.com/?p=1121
I’m no submissive, but I chose to submit to Monk’s ministrations while he was visiting because I was curious where he would take me.
At one point he asked me, “How does it feel to be powerless?”
I replied, “It feels… powerful.”
During my next day’s reflections, I discovered that I actually felt more powerful than I ever had before in my life.
What’s the sub/doms say about it really being the slave who has all the power? because they have the power to say ‘stop’. . . .
I love her. :D
Our culture needs to stop equating surrender with weakness; submission with some sort of loss of control.
Sexual surrender is a kind of power.
If only everyone was as clever as DTG the world would be a better place.
There is not only power in submission, submission does not make one weak. I refuse to buy that I’m not a powerful woman because I like to be dominated. My submission to my husband is a gift, it’s not weakness.
couldn’t help but think of the book Kushiel’s Dart by Jacqueline Carey, whose protagonist is a sexual submissive, heavy masochist and all around hero. There is a point when the arch nemesis is told, “That which yields is not always weak.”
That’s exactly it, Twiddly. The power in surrender.
I hesitated to comment on DTG’s blog due to the logging of our IP#s, blame it on the EFF, hehe.
I feel that merely bedroom submission is not quite what women are speaking about when they talk of being submissives or slaves. It is the concept that one is NOT IN CHARGE.
Whether this is comfortable for all is open to debate.
There is nothing appealing to me about the fantastical elements of time and place, dungeons and kings and knights and castles. I don’t want my Master in a cape and codpiece. I require no time travel Ren-faire fantasy to transport me to some Other time and place where men were men and women were distressing damsels. Fuck that.
My hot submission fantasy is more along the lines of submitting to some trailer park redneck who ignores me as I’m bound on the bed while he drinks his beers and yells at the television.
I’m there, spread eagled, strapped to the bed, tied down with pantyhose or power cords, blindfolded with an old dishrag. Everything about our “scene” is lo-tech. I submit to the low class blue collar sweat hog daddies of minimum wage. (already I’m wet)
Never knowing if “the boys” are coming over tonight, to do with me what they will. Tag team Friday Night Football Fuck Fest. Or not. What’s it gonna be? He could just ask me to get up and cook. He could sneak up suddenly and lick my pussy. He could smack me around, I don’t know. I never know. I’ve given him control. I signed on for the ride, till death do us part.
I once heard Jealousy described as “erotic pain”.
If only we could view our actual day to day relationships with the same kind of erotic titillation that we view our ‘scenes’. Life really is just one big ‘scene’. A shifting, continuous, confusing power struggle between humans and their contradictory impulses: animal and divine.
The Kinky Real: the day by day, the ebb and flow, the change and rearrange of the whole thing. It is an utterly groundless, undependable, erratic relationship, as unstable and selfish as mankind itself. Survival of the fittest and only the strong survive. Evolution and revolution both require movement.
My girlfriends are always saying, “But he’s not fulfilling your needs. He’s never there when you need him.” No, he’s not. He responds to need like one would respond to a sick, mangy animal. Pity and disgust. The prescription is distance and time.
Like a dog eats grass in order to regurgitate, let nature rid you of your parasitic attachments. Vomit out your need.
Bacchus my darling, I am once again in your debt for a huge boost in traffic. Thank you also for your “trenchant” compliment. I almost pee myself with delight everytime you mention me here!
;)
Thanks to Karl and Freya for your comments here. I wuv you guys too hehe.
Annette, I chose to log IPs on my comments over at Pussy Talk simply as a precaution. Your IP is safe with me, I assure you.
DTG xxoo
I think what Karl is saying in comments #3 and #6 about the power of surrender was covered by the sage John Lennon in his song “Mind Games”: “Love is a flower, you got to let it, you got to let it grow… Yes is the answer and you know that for sure… Yes is surrender, you got to let it, you got to let it go”