This conversation about a husband “getting caught” watching porn does not end in any way you are likely to predict from the short fair excerpt I am quoting here. Read the whole thing, you will likely laugh:

My Wife: What are you doing?

Me: Don’t come in here!

Her: Why? Are you watching porn?

Me: You’re supposed to be in the other room writing slash fiction!

Her: Walter White and Jesse Pinkman can wait. Let me see what you’re watching.

Me: This is my man-cave time! Don’t—

Her: Come on! Let me see!

Me: No! I—

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I think it’s safe to say that “down the rabbit hole” has a new meaning for Alice now:

Art is by Jackanita.

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Although I have been stalwart about sticking to my resolution not to junk up this blog with announcements for every little promotion that a sex toy vendor tries to tempt us with, I remain unabashed about sharing the best sales from my favorite toy source, which has been The Stockroom since before this blog existed. With discounts that reach 80% this time, I don’t feel the least bit apologetic! It’s true: when I saw that this year’s Christmas in July sale includes a ridiculously large silicone dildo for a fifth of the normal price, I failed my savings throw. The Tantus Cisco silicone dildo is just $24.93 (normally $126) and…just look at it! That’s a lot of dildo for under twenty-five bucks:

Although the sale nominally runs through July 27, I wouldn’t expect this particular item to stay in stock at this price throughout. From the sales copy:

Cisco by Tantus is our prime anal toy for size-queens. If you’re all about size, look no further! Cisco has over 10 inches of insertable length, plus a massive shaft of ribbed delight, with a rounded top and five rings of fun. The silicone Cisco is boilable, odorless, non-toxic and dishwasher safe.

You wouldn’t want to insert a thing like that into anyplace you cared about without having plenty of lube on hand, so it’s convenient that The Stockroom also sells the famous Elbow Grease lube literally by the bucket. It’s not cheap when you buy it buy the gallon, but it is famous, and (during the sale at least) 25% off:

Like I said, this lube is famous:

Elbow Grease Original Formula has been formulated under strict standards to ensure the best quality possible. This mineral oil based lubricant is a thick cream; long-lasting for ultimate sensual pleasure. Elbow Grease is the oldest sexual lubricant on the market, dating back to 1979. It’s been a best seller for years and will not disappoint. Use only with polyurethane condoms. Do not use with latex condoms.

In addition to sex toys and lube, the XXXmas In July sale also has a considerable assortment of discounted BDSM gear. Enjoy!

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The Rialto Report has a ridiculously complete rundown on Doctor Infinity, the first and most notorious autofellatio-artist in porn:

About half way through the film ‘Every Inch A Lady’ (1975), something strange happens. Even by the standards of a New York adult film.

In this scene, a slim man in his mid 20s is introduced as ‘Joe Blow’. He is shown into the office of a madame, Crystal Laverne (played by Darby Lloyd Raines), but after tiring of waiting for her to finish her phone call, he takes the matter into his own hands. Quite literally as it turns out.

He strips naked, climbs on top of a table, lies on his back, flips his legs in the air, and proceeds to play the pink bassoon until he ejaculates. Did I mention he also inserts a cucumber in his behind whilst doing this?

Crystal stares in shock, whilst her swishy assistant Charlie (played by Kurt Mann) watches in disbelief – before declaring: “Now that’s entertainment!”

The actor, it turns out, takes his self-loving very seriously; his life turned into a long quest to make a movie of himself “doing his thing” and then trying to get it to Spain so he could show it to his artistic hero, Salvador Dali. Along the way and to make money for the trip, he took a job babysitting for John Lennon and Yoko Ono, but he got fired for the inevitable reason:

To raise money to go to Spain, he got work for Yoko Ono as a nanny to Sean Lennon. But I heard he was fired from there for showing his party trick.

I said to him “I hope you didn’t show Sean your trick?”

He said “Oh I did. That’s what got me fired”.

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Our Hero has earned a bit of rest, I think:

From an Elvifrance sex comic called Salut les bidasses: la danse des connards.

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Dr. Marty Klein hears from a lot of women who are upset about their men watching porn. He’s got a lot of sensible stuff to say about that, of which this is the merest excerpt:

Some women seem to feel that there’s an implicit contract that their partner won’t watch porn, even though he never suggested such a thing. Therefore, they feel betrayed when he “breaks” the “contract.” That’s a mistake. You can dislike his porn-watching without deciding it’s a betrayal.

Some women seem to feel that because their partner watches porn they find disgusting or scary or confusing, they have a right to demand he stop watching it. A woman has no such right, any more than he has a right to patrol the TV, novels, or videos she watches. In an adult relationship, whatever objection she has to his porn shouldn’t carry more weight (or less weight) than his objection to her CSI or romance novels or cat videos.

Some women seem to believe their partner has “left” them for porn. No sane person does that. People do withdraw from sexual relationships for many reasons, often passively or without adequate discussion. That’s a legitimate thing to complain about. Criticizing a man’s porn watching as the “cause” of a couple’s poor or missing sex life is as cowardly as a man withdrawing sexually without explaining his dissatisfaction.

The Nymph sees porn on my screens all the time. She seems to prefer to think it’s always for work and business, which is anyway true 99% of the time, and 100% of the time that both of my hands are on the keyboard, which is usually what she sees. She also knows that I consider her yummier than any porn ever made, and any complaint (which is not her style anyway) would end with her being pursued away from the keyboard en déshabillé with her nipples in peril of a twisting.

Image at the top of the post comes from this ad for the Marvelous Movie Vuer, found here.

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You think sexbots are going to rock your world, here in a few years? Let me show you what it’s really going to be like:

Never underestimate the power of a tech platform rollout to fuck up a potentially good thing…

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