Not really hott or fun, but I promised somebody I’d put it someplace public…..I’m just back from a nice, extralong holiday with my sister and her family. We had all the usual holiday fun, the kids are as cute as ever, but the best part was talking with my sister about R and related things. She kind of knew him, but since she’s older than me, she wasn’t around for alot of my crush on him. I didn’t spill the whole story, just enough for her to know that there were sexual and other “intimacy problems” between us. Something Tony Comstock said in a comment here made me think about my situation…..maybe I’ve been too fussy about sex partners lately. I don’t need a fancy ceremony or even a diamond ring to go horizontal, but caring about my partner or partners has always made the sex better. I thought I cared about R, but really I didn’t know him, I was stuck on my highschool dream and didn’t take the time to get to know who he is now. My sister says that I probably wasn’t fussy enough with R and now I’m being too fussy…..sort of an overcompensation.

Anyway, our talks really helped me put all that behind me. I don’t really want somebody to marry and settle down with, but I do want real affection and caring that goes through all our relationship, not just inside or outside of the bedroom. I think I kind of envy people who can get their kicks and then say, “See ya!” – it seems like they probably get more action and more fun from it too. But that’s never worked for me, and I don’t think it ever will.

My sister is all into karma and “giving voices to dreams and goals,” and she made me promise to make a New Year’s resolution, and give it a voice. She says that will help it get energy, to become real. (She’s alot more hippie-girl than I am. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.) So here I am.

My New Year’s Resolution is to find a caring guy that will be fun in bed, too. I don’t care so much about whether he’s willing to do certain things or not, although somebody adventurous would be a bonus. No checklist, no rules, no desperation. No Mr. Perfect. Just somebody sweet, and nice, and comfortable with sexuality and sensuality.

Men like that are out there, aren’t they?