You know how it is: the end of the night, a huge wad of ones, and the bartender won’t cash them in for you. You use them to tip out, you use them for your stage fee, and you’ve still got a stack thicker than your thumb. You kept shoving them in your purse, and now your purse is overflowing with them and you can’t find anything. Don’t worry, you’re about to know what to do with all those ones.
#1. Take them to the bank. They’ve got dollar counting machines just for these kinds of situations. When the manager shows up to ask you if the dollars are real and what happened to them just be honest. Tell them the green stuff is blacklight paint that you rubbed all over yourself before making boob prints on a t-shirt for the bachelor last night, the sticky white stuff is whipped cream from your candy girl show, and the slippery white stuff is your special combination of lotion, water, and dish detergent that looks just like semen.
She’s also got a warning:
Whatever you do, do not save up a thousand of them and try to use them to buy new tires. The last time I did that they called the police and I almost got arrested.
Actually, what strikes me hardest is the bartender that won’t cash them in. Yeah, everybody who pays attention knows that strip clubs managers don’t tend to give a shit about strippers. But the clubs are making cash deposits every night, they’ve got an infrastructure in place to get the cash safely to the bank, and they know the girls tend to have chaotic lives full of vulnerability. Plus, a consumer-grade bill-bundling machine costs about ninety seconds of operating revenue for the average club. The decent thing to do (yeah, I know, not a phrase often heard in the stripping trade) would be to instruct the bartender to exchange the damned bills.