Annie Sprinkle Debunks Sex Addiction
I’ve long been hostile to the idea of “sex addiction” because it strikes me as nonsense on its face. Sex is a core biological imperative, like breathing or excreting, making a “sex addiction” as nonsensical as a “crapping addiction”. Pathologizing normal behavior is something I recognize as a tool of control, a way to twist people up inside so that you can more easily guilt them into changing their behavior (joining your church, giving you money, working longer hours, whatever.) Thus, for me, concerned talk of “sex addiction” is a red-flag warning that the speaker is likely to be a sex-negative culture warrior or a woo-woo-therapy-selling charlatan.
I’m pretty good at being dismissive of nonsense, but I’m not always so good at patiently explaining why it’s nonsense. “Suffering fools gladly” equals a skill I was behind the door when they were passing them out. Fortunately, we have Annie Sprinkle to bear what I cannot, and she’s written a nice article succinctly explaining the nonsense that is sex addiction prattle. There’s lots, but this paragraph fragment is exemplary:
Sex addiction often makes a disease out of what is often quite reasonable sexual behavior. It emphasizes negative aspects of sex. It takes away some of the personal responsibility for sexual choices and blames problems on a ‘disease’. It offers simple solutions to complex problems. Marty Klein points out that, “Sex addiction legitimizes sex-negative attitudes and supports sexual guilt.” It can make people feel badly if they simply have an active and varied sex life. Sex addiction can be used as a way to put down socially disapproved of behavior.
Similar Sex Blogging:
Shorter URL for sharing: http://www.erosblog.com/?p=4439
I dunno… my girlsfriend’s ex-husband claims to have a sex addiction. He keeps hooking up with strangers he finds on Craig’s List, despite the damage that it does to his relationship with his girlfriend and his kids, and despite the fact that he really really wants to maintain long-term relationships. He’s clearly addicted to something, in the sense that he feels compelled to do it even though it screws up his life. I’m sure it’s not the sex per se that he’s after but some kind of ego/self-esteem thing, but I really don’t think it’s just a matter of pathologizing perfectly healthy sexual behavior.
Eating “is a core biological imperative”, too – does that never become dysfunctional for an individual, hmm?
Dysfunction does not equal addiction, Alex, so I’m not sure what your point is exactly.
I can hyperventilate and make myself dizzy. That’s dysfunctional breathing. If I do it all the time, it’s a behavioral problem. But it’s still not a breathing addiction.
It might be an “overbreathing problem” — but the problem is with the “over” not the “breathing”. Same with “sex addiction” as a concept. People have very real problems that involve sex, but targeting the sex (rather than the dysfunctional behavior) remains something that you only do if you’re coming from a place where you want to define sex itself as inherently bad, evil, or problematic.
Which, of course, is why responsible people talk about eating dysfunctions in specific ways (referencing specific dysfunctions) rather than fearmongering about the evils of food addiction (although you can certainly find that out there if you look hard enough.)
I suspect the scientific/medical community (I’m not in it) will evenually agree to call the term sex addiction inaccurate.
They will probably substitute a number of various terms to describe various self-destructive behavors involving sex.
Remember, it wasn’t very many years ago that homosexuality was deemed a mental defect by those folks.
I can’t ever remember feeling bad about a sexual encounter and haven’t felt guilty about any sexual thoughts since since about age 18.
I’m with OldDad on this one. Even acknowledging that dysfunctional behaviour in the pursuit of sexual activity (whatever form it takes, at the moment, the most ‘diagnosed’ being a compulsive ‘over-cunsumption’ and not as part of a healthy relationship is relatively new for the medical community. At the moment the term ‘sex addiction’ is a convenient moniker that has been hung on a variety of things and propagated by the media. Don’t forget, the media has also taken to using the term ‘food addiction’ as a convenient reference to the behaviour some people use as a crutch/compensation for some other underlying issue.
After all, sex should be fun – but most ‘addicts’ report the same lack of enjoyment/guilt that people with other destructive compulsive behaviours exhibit – maybe the term should be ‘sexual OCD’ as opposed to addiction.
So far this thread is fine ‘learned discourse’ (apologies to Bacchus for the cliche), let’s thank Bacchus ahead of time for his efforts to keep these discussions that way.
Yeah I don’t buy sex addiction. Tiger Woods and David Duchovny got shamed and pushed into signing up for sex addiction treatment. Their crime? BEING MEN. Humans are not naturally monogamous.
People get labeled sex addicts when they have a higher sex drive than their partner. Mismatched libidos is a very common problem.
I wrote a post on this topic:
http://www.theb...ddict
Amen. As usual, Annie has the knowing of it. Regardless of Bacchus’s self-deprecating words, the top paragraph here pretty much sums it up for me quite nicely.
And doctors can tell me I’m “over-sexed” right about the time they’re willing to make the judgment to let some of my “ex’es” know they’re “under-sexed”.
For me, regular sex is an integral part of a committed relationship. Failure to include it is like failure to include romance, intimacy, cuddles, sharing meals, respect, or trust.
While I understand why the term “sex addiction” does not sit well with many people, I don’t believe that this undermines the legitimacy of the problem. I have known many extremely sex positive people who have still managed to find ways to use sex in destructive ways in their lives. This does NOT mean adhering to any antiquated notions of sexual morality; rather, it is a highly personal, individual experience of using an activity that is entirely natural and healthy in an unhealthy and self-destructive manner. This can mean different things to different people, so what is self-destructive for one person will not necessarily apply for others.
A friend of mine posted an informal poll with a link to Annie’s article, basically ‘does sex addiction exist’. It was alarming how many responders said ‘yeah, yeah, absolutely.’
I find it bizarre, the extent to which people accept the idea just because some celebrity went into ‘treatment’ for it. The absurdity of this is perfectly stated above, where bacchus likens it to “crapping addiction”. I’ve always used ‘shelter’ and ‘companionship’ as the analogy; those things which won’t kill us directly (the need for food, water, air), but without which survival isn’t likely. We’re not addicted to companionship (we’re a tribal organism), we’re not addicted to shelter and comfort (but we will survive a lot longer with the.) Without sex, obviously, we cease to exist as a species in one generation, and that one generation won’t be happy or healthy.
Yet out culture still buys into the ‘sex is bad’ idea by grouping it instead with gambling and heroin. We still have a long way to go in this culture war, don’t we?
I’ve regularly been accused of being a sex addict by the press, which frustrates me no end. It’s so annoying to come up against the same old stereotypes – especially when women, and female sexuality are involved – and having to battle to challenge the notion that not everyone who has a non-monogamous life is emotionally damaged/causing harm to others/psychologically unbalanced. Some of us just like to fuck, you know? Not because we’re *compelled* to do so, or because we have uncontrollable desires which dominate every aspect of our lives, but just because we enjoy having sex. That doesn’t make us “addicts”: it makes us human.
If we’re going to talk about “sex addiction,” we should probably define it. I propose, “Anyone who’s having more sex than the therapist.”
Anything as pleasurable as sex has the potential to be overused, or used for purposes other than mutual connection and enjoyment. I wonder why people are so keen to insist that it doesn’t exist, that it’s a made up problem that no one really has. SDRenter has it right–for some it’s a compulsion. That is, they have reasons to control their sexual behavior, and greatly desire to do so, but find themselves frustratingly unable. Imagine being terribly lonely and desperately wanting a real and meaningful partnership, but being convinced that you’re too fucked up for anyone to love, so you decide sex is all you’ll ever get. It is very much like eating really crappy junk food for every meal, wishing you could have a good nourishing home cooked meal, but feeling undeserving of such wholesomeness.
I don’t suppose this will convince the many doubters, and the observation that the notion of sex addiction has given cover to the sex negative and the good old fashioned prudish moralizers is well taken. However, the pain and alienation of genuine sex addicts is real, as is the need to change, and it’s not exactly compassionate to tell them their problems are imaginary. To recover from any addiction, it’s crucial to take full responsibility for one’s actions, so concerns that it enables evasion of accountability are misplaced.
I have a friend who says he used to be a sex addict. These days he’s completely sex positive, openly non-monogamous, and has lots of sex. I believe he used to have a problem with sexual compulsions and using sex for unhealthy things, but the term “sex addict” does rub me the wrong way. There are sexual disorders, like eating disorders. They are real problems, but probably over-diagnosed. And somehow the sexual version of anorexia, unhealthy fear of sex, is less publicized than compulsive use of lots of sex. I wonder why?
Every (healthy young) man is a sex addict.
http://www.thed...dict/
Someone in medical profession speaking out.
As Tiger Woods undergoes treatment, T. Byram Karasu–the University Chairman of the Department of Psychiatry and Behavioral Sciences at Albert Einstein College–says medicalizing normal human behavior doesn’t help anyone.
Sex addiction is simply a new name for the old evolutionary concept–the innate urge to impregnate as many females as possible. In this sense, every man is a sex addict or was one at some point in his life.
– and so on –