On Not Being A Dick
In the last couple of weeks I’m sorry to say there’s been a huge influx of nastiness into the ErosBlog comments. (I’ve had to delete more comments in the last week than in the entire six months prior.) We’ve got a lot of new readers right now, and perhaps some of you aren’t aware of the one rule for commenting here:
“Don’t be a dick.”
Here’s my original explanation, reposted from the archives:
Don’t Be A Dick
When I got to college, one of the two poor sophomores assigned to my freshman dorm to inject some sanity thereinto called us clueless freshmen together and spake thusly:
“In a lot of these freshmen entries, they have all kinds of rules. I don’t like rules. So we are only going to have one. Don’t be a dick.”
And we mostly weren’t, and we had a great time. The moral and political lesson I took from that, namely that small communities don’t really need more than one rule, is possibly the most valuable thing I learned in college. Thanks, Josh!
By popular demand…I’ve decided to install a commenting facility here at ErosBlog. However, I’d like to ask you all to remember Josh’s rule. I work at keeping the tone here relentlessly sex-positive and unwaveringly non-judgmental. I may slip up, but that’s the goal.
I welcome your comments, but I’m simply not interested in creating a forum for haters, condemnators, repressive creeps, and the like. Lively debate, at times, is to be expected. But nastiness and anti-sex messages (and personal attacks of any sort, on anyone) will probably be deleted summarily. Be nice and play nice, please?
Thank you.
Further exposition, which should not be needed, but seems to be:
If you’re posting personal attacks against other commenters, you’re probably being a dick.
If you’re posting hostile criticism of anyone, including the people I quote or post about, you’re probably being a dick.
If you are using profanity or sexual slurs to describe anyone, you’re probably being a dick.
If you’re condemning anyone’s sexual choices, you’re probably being a dick. If you are criticising anyone’s sexual choices without exaggerated politeness, you’re probably being a dick.
Don’t be a dick.
That is all! (Oh, except for: thanks from the bottom of my heart to all of you who play nicely and make the comment-moderating duty worthwhile.)
Shorter URL for sharing: http://www.erosblog.com/?p=1275
Yes, Baccahs, what your doing here with sex positive dialogue providing male and female perspective is cutting edge “paradigmatic shift” kind of stuff. A very open, accessable, fun platform. And in that sense positive. (I’ve even been inspired by this blog to promote this way of negotiating into a MA thesis)
You go, Bacchus and of course Aphrodite
Don’t be a dick?
Full support here! Wish I could apply this at my place of work……
Great blog have been visiting since you started!
Cheers from OZ!
i come here pretty often to see what’s new and interesting (there’s always something). but probably the main reason i keep coming back is because i just like the attitude i find here from you and aphrodite. it’s good. it’s healthy. it’s enlightened. thank you.
What Sage said. Keep up the good work.
First of all, I come here for your upbeat and sex/fun positive attitude; thank you for providing it. Second, I agree completely with your single rule. Third, I think you have an interesting take on the Jeff Foxworthy “You might be a redneck if…” shtick! My contribution: “If you’ve ever used the word “slut” without a humorous or envious tone…you might be a dick”
Squire, I agree with you in the abstract about slut (and another small vocabulary of words including cunt, bitch, whore, and a few others you won’t see very often on ErosBlog) but the trouble is, there’s usually an activist community that’s trying to “reclaim” one or another of those words. Lots of folks use “slut” in what they intend as a positive way (although there’s a double-standard in operation comparable to the use of racial slurs by minorities: she can call herself a slut, but don’t you dare use the word no matter how well it might seem to fit).
In any case, I think these reclaiming operations are best left to linguistic activists. For the most part, if a word’s exclusive natural habitat has long been “in the vocabulary of misogynists and assholes” I’m generally content to leave it there. In my experience, when these sorts of words trip lightly off a man’s tongue, he tends to be — you guessed it — a dick.
I guess I’m a dick, but sort of a reformed one. In my own daily speech and on my own Web site, I censor my speech as little as possible. I also openly express negative feelings when I feel them. I’m not above sophomoric personal attacks. All that being said, however, I love ErosBlog and would never comment in a way here that would offend or hurt anyone. Rock on, ErosBlog! For those wishing to express their cretin side, please visit my Web site. Thanks!