July 18th, 2012 -- by Bacchus
Lounging in “Satan’s Spiritual Structure”
According to @cstross, this pamphlet was handed out at Comic-Con:
How many ticks could you put on that checklist? I’m delighted to report that my Satan Number is … wait for it … thirteen! Nope, I’m not going to tell you which ones.
Similar Sex Blogging:
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Do I get extra credit for playing the The Secret World for the past week…?
…even if my character isn’t Illuminati? I mean surely I get the bonus points in Postmodernism, Eastern religions, Fornication, and Astral Projection, just for playing through the Dragon intro sequences right? right?
Damn…. only 11 ….
15! Woo hoo! My grandmother was right, I’m going to hell in a handbasket!
Who would have thought that nerd culture was so. . . satanic!
Also: what is “blackmasking?” I’ve totally got to try that!
Damn, only 13! I muat not be trying hard enough anymore.
18 for me. Seriously…vegetarianism?? Geez.
“Honey, your cholesterol problem is just proof you’re goin’ to heaven! Have some more country-fried steak.”
18 for me! woot…My first step in ruling hell is get the office with AC ;)
Backmasking is the satanic practice of recording subliminal messages, then inserting them backwards into a popular recording to hypnotize the user into doing something terrible, without even knowing it. More here. In 1990 the metal band Judas priest was sued by the families of two teenagers who were supposedly induced into attempting suicide by backmasked exhortation. the case was dismissed.
Meanwhile, isn’t trilateralism when you get three people in bed and go to town on each other?
The more I read the first part, the more it sounds like a badly written trashy romance novel:
“Satan opened her doors, and with his spiritual structure twitching, demonically possessed her core….”
ok, so I need more coffee, which I am surprised that is not on the list too…
MadBadnDangerous, it’s backmasking without an “L”, and it refers to finding hidden lyrics by playing recordings backward.
16 for me. Though some of these I really feel like I should be allowed to count twice.
OTOH, there are some genuinely repellent things on this list, uh?
…
Hey, wait! What’s *not* on the list?!
could be worse….Wendy’s “where’s the Beef?” commercials come to mind…
Only 13? I’m at 31. I’d almost consider this a “to do” list.. but “Twilight Films”?? Sorry, pass. ;-)
Does fornicating with goth chicks count as “tak[ing] part in”? I have 14 or 15 depending. ;)
OK, I’m going to give them a pass on Scientology and New Age Religions. In a just universe those people are probably going to hell. But some of these items are just very different levels of effort: they need to have points attached to each achievement. I mean, if I could levitate and turn into a freaking wolf, I would think I’d get a better Satan Score than if I just played Dungeons and Dragons after taking a handful of ‘shrooms. Come on, people! Some of you are counting yourselves as having a high score because you do yoga and don’t eat meat, while the hard core Satanists, who are out there on the front line damning their souls every day, get stiffed with a single point!
Sorry, I just get very emotional about injustice like this.
I was planning on engaging in Lycanthropy this weekend, but based on this handout, I’m reconsidering.
Damn, I only scored a 6. What’s a poor atheist to do now?
Hey, even an atheist can (especially if young) score an “involved in … [whatever religion]” point; all you need is to have a member of the opposite sex that you’re interested in, and so you start reading the books and talking the talk in an effort to, ah, get closer. Not speaking from experience here, oh my gosh no! (Well, not from successful experience anyway.)
More than one man in this big old world has found himself dancing naked in the woods under a chilly October moon for reasons no better (no worse?) than that.
20? Dammmmn, all that yoga, I guess….
Does using VNC count as ‘remote viewing’?
Meditation – “Keep this Book of the Law always on your lips; meditate on it day and night” (Joshua 1:8)
Does specifying Twilight _films_ mean that it’s OK to read the books?
Similarly, why single out trilateralism if they’re presumably warning against world government in general. And do they think potential members of David Rockerfeller’s Trilateral Commission are hanging around comic-con, likely to be influenced by badly-printed flyers?
Only seven and a half for me…never seen (and do not plan to see) the Twilight films, nor read the books, but I have read a couple of Stephanie Meyer’s short stories in various compilations. (I have to say…they weren’t bad.)
Which is worse, that I got 15, or that it took me a few seconds to figure out what they meant by LOTR, despite the fact that I’m watching The Two Towers right now?!?!?!?!?!
Jesus H Christ, 32! Wow.
17 for me
Lame. I’ve only walked through 13 of Satan’s doorways. But, seriously, Harry Potter and Vegetarianism? Could this guy be any more petty. Now, if someone can teach me levitation, I’m all for it!
I’m only on 9, but I’ve done some things that would definitely be on that list if they knew of them, and some of them I’ve done SO HARD they should count triple.
Ya’ll are goin’ to hell.
I’m down to just 3 on the list. And my birthday is on Halloween so that one shouldn’t count for me.
Somehow I think Cannibalism and Beastiality should be on that list as well.
Do not take part in LYCANTHROPY?! They do know that it’s not real, right?
Hmmm… If Eastern religions produce Satanists, I guess we won’t be seeing Mahatma Gandhi in heaven, but Western-created religions are apparently okay, so expect to rub elbows with the likes of the People’s Temple’s Reverend Jim Jones, and the Branch Davidian’s David Koresh and Heaven’s Gate’s Marshall Applewhite in heaven’s V.I.P. room.
Surely this list should include barbers for removing, shaping or trimming the beards of males which appears to be an abomination unto God according to Leviticus 19:27.
Also, what about these fashion designers who encourage the use of polyester blend fabrics, an abomination according to Leviticus 19:19, if I understand what I’m reading…
If necromancy is defined as communicating with the dead, would that mean that Jesus opened the doorway to demonic possession when he raised Lazarus from the dead, by going to his tomb and calling, “Lazarus, come out!”? If so, what about John 14:12, where Jesus is quoted as saying, “Verily, verily, I say unto you, he that believeth on me, the works that I do shall he do also; and greater works than these shall he do; because I go unto the Father.”
Marihuana is on the list, but not that demon alcohol???
If chemically placing yourself into an altered state of mind is placing your eternal soul at risk, what does this say about Jesus turning water into wine at a party?
According to Mark 7:15, “Nothing that goes into a person from the outside can make him unclean. It’s what comes out of a person that makes a person unclean”
I was revisiting this posting because it is so ripe for lampooning. Just pick anything from the list…
L.O.T.R.???… Really?…
Tolkien is an agent of Satan?
As a devout Catholic, he wrote morality tales based on Christian values, and he was close friends with Church of England member C.S. Lewis, who was possibly the world’s most famous Christian apologist, whom Tolkien had earlier helped convert from atheism.
Tolkien himself acknowledged that Lord of The Rings was fundamentally a religious work, and I don’t think he meant Satanic… To me, it seems ANTI-Satanic to have Hobbit hero Frodo say, “the Shadow… can only mock, it cannot make: not real new things of its own”
And what’s with the marihuana AND pot parties listing? …unless there’s no marihuana at these parties and they’re just talking about tandoori pot parties…
Then there’s the totally separate listings of rock music and heavy metal. Maybe its just due to all of my postmodern levitation, but doesn’t heavy metal sound kinda rockish?