August 2nd, 2004 -- by Bacchus
A Sex Question
Dear Miss Manners: My boyfriend and I very much enjoy giving each other head, and we are both very good at it. However, shortly after an explosive orgasm on his part, whereas my tendency is to keep sucking on his penis with the same enthusiasm and painstakingly perfected technique which I have been employing throughout the blowjob, he quickly begins making high-pitched whimpering noises, groaning “No more!” and pushing my head away from his crotch. I gather from his reaction that the intensity of pleasure has reached a pitch which he no longer finds bearable, and I have always considered that the courteous response is to withdraw and let him catch his breath. However, when I have had multiple orgasms from cunnilingus and try to wriggle away to indicate my fear that I may lapse into unconsciousness if he continues his activity, he simply grasps my hips more firmly and continues with more vigor than ever! Should I take this as an indication that he wishes me to override his requests for “no more” as well?
Discuss among yourselves.
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Shorter URL for sharing: https://www.erosblog.com/?p=953
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i find such questions funny. i mean – people, you don’t talk to your sex partners?
No, I think he actually does want you to stop. While you are experiencing pleasure so great that you might not maintain consciousness, he is actually in a sensory overload situation that borders on painful. I know from experience, and stopping is a good thing.
Well good lord, woman. A normal guy needs a little recoup time. You don’t have to quit all together, but right after an orgasm, you should slow it down to practically nothing. Keep him in your mouth and let him enjoy how nice and warm it is every once in a while give him a little lick but leave his head alone for a few minutes. I myself (a female) don’t want my clit attacked right after an orgasm it’s a bit over-sensitive, so I can totally relate. He’s not just tired, it’s actually painful.
The reason he can continue on you, is that women are totally capable of multiple orgasms and they just get better HE’S NOT. Give him a break it doesn’t mean you have to remove your mouth completely (though he may want you to).It’s been my experience that a guy LOVES when you keep sucking him after orgasm as long as it’s very very lightly.
Jeez, just ask him for chrissakes! Must we internationally renowned sexperts explain everything?
If y’all read Danor’s blog, I think you’ll notice that she’s the submissive in a D/s relationship. I don’t think it’s unfair to suggest that this “question” may in fact be a playfully passive-agressive carefully-phrased complaint (or, if you prefer, an indirect suggestion.)
In the 20 seconds or so right after any orgasm, ya gotta lighten up a bit! This doesn’t mean abandoning the effort, but just backing off a bit.
(I *have* been known to have a second orgasm after a 30 second or so pause, lucky me!)
Some light mouthing always feels nice afterwards. To go from warm, snug, wet to air-chill and drying out is nobody’s idea of a good time.
I think there’s a place to explore that resides directly behind the orgasm. It’s not an intense place- it’s gentler– but it’s still there. We’ve been raised to believe the orgasm is a nasty little thing that requires immediate tidying up.
I think Danor may be looking for her partner’s “place.” Technique requires sensitivity to nerve endings, but true love is always looking for just a little bit more in the erotic journey.
JMO.
Red — “a place to explore that resides directly behind the orgasm.”
Not sure I know what you mean. Can you elaborate? Thanks.
I was referring to the aftermath of an orgasm- the feelings we have directly thereafter.
It’s where a lot of women have learned to become multi-orgasmic, and where men have slowly, sweetly, risen again. I think part of it happens when we hold each other, but there’s something to be said about prolonging the experience and continuing to slightly stimulate the sex organs instead of immediately turning them off and waiting for them to function again when the mood arises.
Again, JMO.
cyberwolfe and kinky are perfectly right.
Oh, most definitely…respite is what is needed. Too much of a good thing is, well, painful!
I find that an ice-cube on the clit works nicely to calm things down though…I wonder if it would work on a cock?
Hmmmm
Uhhh… You could say “ok”squealing something is not effective
i have a theory that the male orgasm is in fact an attack of intense pain, and that some sort of endorphins (or possibly dolphins) are released right throughout the stimulus phase, allowing the man to endure the extreme agony of the excruciating friction on a highly ennerved part of the anatomy, and the torturous muscular contractions involved with ejaculation.
the endorphins run out just after he ejaculates, and this is why he suddenly needs ‘quiet time’.
i believe that this is gaia’s way of stopping him from running around and fucking every cunt on offer all at once, a plan to limit his nurturing to one woman alone.
of course, since he is able to hump again generally within the hour, gaia needs to do some homework on that one, huh.
wegglywoo : I like that theory a lot, make a lot of sense.
Well, like Bacchus suggested, Danor was facetiously asking, not genuinely wanting to know. I mean, is it fair to be driven into blinding orgasm after blinding orgasm while you can only give your partner one at a time?
One at a time?Pooie on that.Back off a little on the first one to the point of not letting him complete his orgasm…don’t let him get hyper-aroused and then go back after it with a vengence. (helps if he’s had at least one before trying this)
I’m good for 4 in a row that way.Just takes practice.
I thought the poster was pointing out that what her partner wishes is opposite of what he does on her. I can relate to the same thing. Guys want to dig in further, when just my swallowing on my man’s cock gets him shuddering and bucking to have my mouth off him stat.
i like red’s response the best. too intense contact just after orgasm is definitely sensory overload, but i think that continuing to stimulate albeit more sensitively is a good way to facilitate a guy moving toward another orgasm.
danor, I think you and I are the only ones who know that the right answer is “Master gets to do what he likes, and we get to take it.” ;)
OTOH, I actually have been known to use my safeword in times of sensory overload. That pleasure/pain line is a bitch.
While I certainly agree with all the more communication comments I do think the comparison is flawed. Further agressive stimulation beyond orgasm is for me and I think most men essentially painful, and it isn’t going anywhere until a refractory period has passed and I’m ready to get hard again. It needs to be laid off in my book ’cause it hurts, it stings, it agonizes, it feels, in a word, bad. When I say stop it is not because I feel like it’s getting too much in a transcendental, penetrating the membrane and trembling on the edge of the giant buzzing void sort of way, its because it is done for now and it no longer feels good. The woman’s response is considerably more elastic in my experience.
This being said you can always prove it for yourself. If no in this case indeed means no, then I think he will alert you to the fact in no uncertain terms. And if it means there’s another blowjob in his future, and if I know men, I’m sure he’ll forgive you for “testing” him.
One last thing, if you really want to push the limits, he could try developing multiorgasmic potential. Having only read about it, your mileage may vary, but some say if the man exercises his PC muscles (through kegels, same as the lady) sufficiently he can “clamp down” at the point of orgasm and prevent ejaculation while experiencing orgasm, then you can slow then build again… I imagine it’s a lot of work though or we’d all be doing it.
I have experienced pain at this point. When a man has a very intense orgasm, it hurts for a time afterwards. Usually until urination following the orgasm. I don’t know why this urination clears up the discomfort, but it does. Probaby tied in with the prostate gland. Pesky little bugger, that prostate!
right, the best way to get near multiple orgasms is just to stop doing anything to him, right before he is about to cum.. just stop for like 10 seconds, and he’ll calm down, then start again, then as he’s about to cum, stop again, then start again, repeat as many times as you want, as long as he doesn’t fully cum, he’ll stay hard (you’ll need him to tell you when to stop tho, or just watch him carefully)..
this doesn’t only keep him hard, it makes alot of precum which lubes everything up nicely. now, its not quite multiple orgasms, but it does… how can i put this, fill his orgasm meter up. lol
think of it like an empty bucket that you’re fillin with water, every time he’s about to cum, you pour a bit more water in, then when he finally does cum the buckets full and ready to tip out, and oh boy will he cum
lol
its like all those orgasms he was denied have ganged up on him and are out for vengence! :P
if you’re into dominating guys tho, i have to say anal’s the way to go.. if your guy can learn to like it you can push it a bit, and he’ll make alot of satisfying noise :P
after he cums tho, be very gentle with him and go for heavy petting after like 30 secs (not on his cock, leave that well alone till it gets hard from the petting again :P)
pfft, im only 18 and i know more than any of you… i blame TV and the internet.. so many dodgy sites…. ;)
Well Danor, this is how I wish my girlfriends would have resolved that question:
Don’t tell him what you have planned, but establish a “safeword” that you both agree on. Tie him tightly to the bed. Either by hand or by mouth (or combination…), bring him to orgasm. Don’t stop right away. Listen for the safeword. If you don’t hear it, try this technique again and again in the future, sometimes with a gag…
If you DO hear the safeword (don’t worry too much …chances are it won’t actually kill him…), cease all stimulation immediately, but you may not want to untie him right away, at least not until he stops making his angry face…