The End Of The R Story
After being away for a while, I finally got it through my stupid head that I won’t have something better to say here until I finish the R story. It wasn’t easy to do, and it isn’t very pretty, but here it is, behind the “more” link. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, the third part of the story includes links to the first two parts.
R and I spent Christmas on a skiing trip that was awesome and horrible. I liked learning how to ski, and even made it down the hill once or twice without falling on my ass. The mountains were beautiful, and while we were in public R was his attentive, charming self. He told me to pack for a sexy cold trip…..I thought he meant the cold would be outside. But it was inside too. He told me we’d be together…..except that he never slept with me. In his house, in all the hotels we stayed in, R never stayed with me in bed all night. At first, at his house, I thought it was to give me some privacy, but since he constantly walked into the room I used without knocking whenever he wanted, I don’t think it was for that. At the hotels, we stayed in the same room, but always in seperate beds. But I’m getting ahead of things already.
That first night, at R’s house, was very different from our fun at Thanksgiving. He was formal, like he was trying to decide if he should hire me for a job or something. R welcomed me warmly, but it didn’t seem very sincere, more like it was what he had been taught to do and say to a woman that would be staying with him. He didn’t seem to like it if I touched him first, I found out quickly. After dinner, which was focused mostly on eating and small talk about family and high school friends, he said that he was tired from working so much and that the next night he’d give me a proper welcome. I offered to rub his back, the way I used to, but he said no, and said I should probably sleep too as jetlag would catch up with me and make learning to ski in the mountains harder. He walked me to the room where I’d put my bags, which I thought was his bedroom, barely kissed me, said goodnight and walked down the hall to his room.
I wasn’t expecting a romantic candle light bath, or rose petals all over the bed, but after the hot sex we had at Thanksgiving, this was a real shock. He wasn’t even going to sleep with me! One of the things I hate about being single is not having a nice-smelling man to snuggle with. Here I was with a guy that used to make my knees weak, I thought I did the same to him, and he barely touched me all evening! I went to bed thinking What the fuck?!
The first time we had sex was the second day of the ski trip, up until then it was one lame-ass excuse after another. R was skiing with me down one of the bigger beginner runs, and when I fell for the jillionth time, he started laughing at me. He was close enough that I pulled him over too, and he fell on top of me. We were both laughing, then the next thing I knew he was kissing me, hard. A small clump of pine trees was close by, and he rolled us over into it, laughing and kissing me the whole time. There wasn’t much to hide behind, but there weren’t many other skiers. I undid my entire front down to the sexy thermal top I bought specially for the trip, but he stayed mostly dressed, just undoing enough to release his very hard, very hot cock and plow it into me. I don’t know and don’t care if anybody saw us, I was so glad to finally be getting fucked that I didn’t even think about it. Fast and furious and hot and cold…..I didn’t come, but it was still damn good.
That night at dinner R started to explain what he meant when he said he didn’t know if he could show me how he is now. The way he said it, I thought he was into rough sex, and since that’s not something I’ve done a lot of except fantasize about, I told him that I thought we could work up to some things. After I said that he relaxed, and was very sweet and more like the highschool boy I’d fallen for.
Remember, I didn’t tell R that I contribute to a sex blog. So as far as he knew, I was just some normal chick that was willing to try some kinky new things. Some were fun and really got me going, like these vibrating nipple clamps. Most of the time it seemed like he didn’t care if I would like something, and didn’t bother to even think about that. R didn’t seem to understand the need for lube with some toys, or going slow, so it ended up sometimes that his stuff hurt, it wasn’t sexy, and when we did have sex, it was like, just get it over with so I can go to sleep.
On our last night, after a very fun day just hanging out together, he decided to do a twat test. I needed to keep whatever he put in my pussy totally inside it, or he’d punish me however he wanted. The idea was he’d keep trying smaller things, but the first thing he put in me was so small and smooth that even clenching my tightest, it peeked out. I tried to tell R that it would be a good start for a teenage virgin, but not someone like me, but I got spanked for my “sauciness.” We both ended up frustrated and mad because his game wasn’t working. He said he was going to tie me up, and when I asked about a safe word, he said that he’d be able to tell if he was pushing me too hard and that stuff like that was for chickens. My questions made him madder, and he finally yelled that no slave of his was going to get away with talking to him like that.
That pushed me over the edge, because I never said I’d be his slave, and he never asked. I went to the room I was staying in, and R came after me, telling me that I was his for the entire trip and I’d better start behaving properly if I didn’t want to get seriously punished for my insolence. I didn’t want to do it, but I was so mad and so frustrated by his impossible demands and not having much sex that I started crying. R had been so sweet and affectionate whenever we were out in public anywhere, but when it was just the two of us alone all that vanished. I tried to tell R that if he had shown me just a little of that sweetness in his house, I’d probably be licking his shoes that very minute, but with his Jeckyll-Hyde thing going I didn’t know what to think, and I didn’t trust him to tie me up. He said he did care for me, and he knew that I just needed some good discipline to see that, and that after he gave it, I’d know I could trust him. I told him I didn’t work that way, I had to trust before ropes or cuffs came anywhere near me, and if he wasn’t okay with that then this was it. R didn’t seem to get anything I was saying, he didn’t seem to even understand the difference I saw in him going from public to private, so, since I was almost all packed anyway I grabbed my stuff and left. I told him not to bother calling me or returning my other stuff, and walked out.
He didn’t call or anything, until April. He had a business trip, he said, that required that the men have female companions with them. He told me I’d be perfect for the trip, that I’d love it, that he’d let me set the rules this time, if only I’d agree to go on the trip with him. He was so sweet and so persuasive that I almost said yes……but then I remembered how it was over the holidays, and how confused and awful I felt for alot of the time. I also started wondering exactly what this “business trip” was, and wondering if he had some kind of kinky thing worked out. So I said no, told him not to call me anymore, and hung up.
But his call made me start thinking about all we had done…..Thanksgiving, which was totally hot and fun…..Christmas and New Years’, which had some fun stuff but mostly was wierd and scary to me. Did I do something wrong to make it all so bad? Maybe I am more of a prude than I think…….but I don’t really think so. And now I don’t know if I’ll find someone else to try with….if I can trust a guy again. I don’t like being like that.
Shorter URL for sharing: https://www.erosblog.com/?p=1183
I wonder how they told the teams apart? :confused:
I think it’s best to trust your instincts on this. If there was no negotiation about you being his slave then he was no reasonable excuse why he thought he could treat you like one. It still must hurt though. :(
Alicia:
Anteaters and domes.
:D
somehow, i don’t think you’re a prude, aphrodite. give yourself credit for taking care of yourself. you saved yourself from a relationship that was going fast from consensual to abusive. you can trust a guy again — this was a toad you kissed. btw, your told your tale well (and hotly, if that’s a word).
i don’t think that you were in the wrong at all for what you did, he tried to force you into something that you just were not ready for, trust wise. to say he will know when enough is enough, thats just stupid of him, safe words are used for a reason. don’t let this one even bring you down, their are many chance for love with others. oh and i very much enjoyed the story
Sounds like a man with some serious issues. How often are the very hottest, most compelling people also the ones who have the most baggage?
Carry on, Aphrodite. As Sage said, don’t be afraid to kiss a few of us toads, one will turn out to be a price. Or you’ll start to like toads. You know, amphibian sex might be hot. B^)
(someone stop me)
I think you DEFINATELY made the right call. He just doesn’t get it: trust is the most important part of ANY relationship, LET ALONE a dominant/submissive one.
he tried to force things you weren’t comfortable with, and that is not just a red flag..that is a RUN FOR YOUR LIFE signal!
Fuck him…what an asshole. I don’t think anyone seriously into the fun side of sexuality could say the things this prick did. Good riddance (which I’m sure does nothing to make -you- feel better), you deserve better. Tho I’d hate to read that this experience has dampened your explorative spirit; if your lack of postings lately is reflective of that it would sadden me.
Just trust him? No safeword? Be his slave with no negotiation of needs and limits?
Holy shit! You already know this, but you SO made the right decision!
Good Doms are fun – abusive pricks, not so much!
In my considered opinion it is the nutbars who are mind blowing in bed, because as a dear friend pointed out to me, “They aren’t afraid to offend you by getting butt wild in the sack.” I’d say you had a lucky escape. I am sorry it hurt you, though. Swift and speedy recovery, my exponentially better booty await you!
It seems to be Beanies (the tan headgear) vs no-Beanies
Or it may have something to do with the NZ stenciled on that guy’s buttocks. Or was that there for some other reason. . . ?
Control and Domination have very broad meanings, especially in the wider sex community, but this guy abused both, like J said. Treating someone like an inanimate object without feelings Isn’t okay (unless they’ve agreed to it).
And Otter, in my experience it’s Much easier to try crazy new stuff in bed if you trust the person to simply say ‘hey, cut that out’, ‘you forgot the wiggle part’, or ‘harder and to the left’ rather than getting weirded out and not calling you the next day. It has been the longer, more trusting relationships in which I’ve gotten up to crazier stuff, because we know we’re not likely to get branded as ‘freaky’ in the general community by a one night stand.
Have to wonder, was this game <i>no holds barred</i>? B^)
Thanx everybody, it did help to spill it all here. It was a wild head game for sure, so nice in public and so cold when we were alone. Maybe I just don’t want to think somebody I liked for so long could be bad, but I wonder if he had some kind of bad situation that twisted him after I knew him in school. He just wasn’t like that then.
Anyway, like I said I’m feeling better and will be back here more often now I think. Thanx everybody! :)
You did absolutely nothing wrong – believe me. You were willing to communicate, he wasn’t. The only way a D/s relationship works is with communication.
Glad you said no in April! The only one who is going to keep you safe is you. Remember that.
Whoah. It sounds like you made all the right moves, and he just sounds like an unpleasant man. My advice is to hold out for a better one.
x
You -definately- did the right thing!! This guy sounds like a complete poopyhead, and if he didn’t understand what you were saying, then he was also as dumb as a rock.
Bravo to you. ;)
Oh, this is *such* an old story.
The sex was great, but the guy doesn’t want a relationship. And rather than do anything straightforward like say, “I don’t want a relationship”, he gets obnoxious and/or abusive, hoping the woman will walk away and he won’t have to take responsibility for ending the affair.
There’s a word for people like him…ummm…some kind of bird…pigeon?…no..seagull?…no, no…CHICKEN. That’s it: he’s too CHICKEN to be honest with his partner.
“…he said that he’d be able to tell if he was pushing me too hard and that stuff like that was for chickens.” WTF??? What is he, 9 years old? Has he never read anything about what BDSM actually *is*? You totally made the right call. Pity the next woman whom he gets his clutches on: she may not have the same level of self-worth you have for yourself.
“a mindfuck and not the good kind”
Freya, I love that phrase. B^)
Wow. What a mindfuck and not the good kind either. You listened to yourself and did the right thing but wow, I’m sorry, what a drag.
As far as the Jekyll-Hyde thing – sounds like “how he is” is a man with no idea how to relate to other people.
The “Yer my slave” thing is pretty clearly a man who’s read some BDSM fiction and done no further research. He found a woman who would try the things he’s read about and went bugshit. “The slaves in the books never ask for lube or use safewords! I don’t understand – maybe I should be more forceful. This is nothing like my wank fantasy! I’ll try something else even more xtreme and see if that works.”
I almost feel bad for the poor bastard. I can see him now, sitting in his apartment full of tech toys, whacking it to the Gor books and wondering why none of the women he’s been with will ever talk to him again. Unfortunately, he doesn’t to know how to listen, so he’ll never figure it out. Yeesh.
You’re better off out of it. I’ve been there.
“whacking it to the gor books!” HA! Good one, LOL.
And Karl, thanks!
What? No way! I live in NZ, that just doesn’t seem right. Did it say what paper it was from? Somehow I think this would have gotten more media attention, especially if it is indeed the Lions they’re playing against. Or is it an old pic?
Hard for me to believe it’s a provincial or above level – there’s no Maoris present in that pic. They’ve been a prominent force in NZ Rugby for a long time now…
Don’t forget a trip to the clinic to get tested for everything. If you can’t trust him to tie you up, can you trust his end of the “safe sex” talk?