The Bad Honeymoon
Author John Ross, who wrote a quite readable novel about guns and politics called Unintended Consequences, when asked about his proudest moment as an author, reported that it was:
…when I listened to my voicemail messages one day and heard the following message:
[Agitated woman] “John Ross? Is this thing recording? I just thought you’d like to know that you and your goddamn book have ruined my honeymoon. Probably my marriage, too. I can’t believe my-” [muffled sound, a second voice, faint, as if a hand is over the receiver, then the hand being pried off] “Give me that… you bastard, you haven’t even-” [more muffled noises, then a man’s voice on the phone:
[Man] “Mr. Ross?”
[The woman, from several feet away] “It’s his answering machine.”
[Man] “Oh.” [relieved] “Uh…Mr. Ross, this is, uh, well, never mind my name, but-”
[Woman in background, yelling] “His name’s _! [name deleted for privacy]
[Man] “Yeah, uh it’s_, that’s right. Uh, Mr. Ross, I’m kind of on my honeymoon, and-”
[Woman, screaming now] “KIND OF on your honeymoon?” [muffled sound of hand covering receiver, alternating screaming and soothing tones, but I can’t make out the words]
[Man] “Listen, I started reading your book on the plane ’cause it was a four hour flight, you know, and now I just can’t put it down. And it’s pretty long, you know, so I’m still not finished, and my wife, well, I haven’t been paying enough attention to her, and-”
[Woman, screaming loud enough for me to hear even though the man quickly covers the mouthpiece again] “IT’S THE SECOND DAY OF OUR HONEYMOON AND YOU HAVEN’T EVEN FUCKED ME YET!”
[Man] Um, I guess you heard that, Mr. Ross. Look, everything’s going to be okay, I’m almost finished with it and I can’t tell you how much I’m enj- GIVE ME THAT BACK RIGHT NOW!” [Sound of scuffle and phone being hung up].
I got a follow-up call a day later, where the husband assured me that everything was all right and his wife wasn’t going to file for an annulment.
Shorter URL for sharing: https://www.erosblog.com/?p=1007
That is just too damn funny. As a published writer, I know that this is the kind of feedback we love to get. Wifey better hope that Ross isn’t a prolific writer. :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
LOL! That’s awesome.
I’d be over the MOON if anyone ever responded that way to me. Hell, I’ve all but fallen off my chair when the occasional reader has wired me money through PayPal.
Wifey should’ve started giving him head while he was reading. I’m sure he would have at least lost his spot on the page for a bit. That trick works great on guys watching games, for sure. Hmm. Wifey needs to learn a few tricks, methinks.
Now that is too funny. Still, one has to wonder on wifey’s ability to turn on the guy. I’ve read some great books in my time, but, heck, getting laid comes first.