Did you think the craziest thing about the whole insecure Cellmate dick-chastity device story was the idea, not of locking up your junk, but of entrusting the safety of your locked-up junk to some Chinese techbro entrepreneurs in a basement? If so, this follow-up is for you.

It turns out that Qiui released a press-release non-apology that was so bad, they’ve already pulled it down again:

I won’t even try to react to this document, because the open source intimate hardware people at Buttplug.io have done so in exhaustive detail on Twitter.

On Twitter myself, I flippantly wrote “If you enjoy somebody else being in control of your junk, the ability to long-distance that has understandable appeal. Until it’s suddenly a hacker after your bitscoin…” I freely admit I wrote that just for the facile “bitscoin” pun. But I should have known better. There have already been ransomware attacks against Cellmate users, although it’s not clear if they’re “real” or bluffs based on the exposure of personal information. “The ransom demands have begun…“

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