This sex-positive sex blog does not fuck with, and with one notable exception never has fucked with, the social media craze/trends Locktober and No Nut November. For the most part I have kept my mouth firmly shut, because I’m not educated enough about the perfectly wholesome male chastity kink to avoid kink-shaming all that good clean dirty fun while simultaneously offering reasonable analysis of the pleasure-hostile discourse that has arisen around the supposed benefits of locking up your cock in a chastity cage for a month and/or limiting your orgasms in pursuit of dubious motives proffered by podcast bros and alt-right celebrities. It’s two parallel conversations that are not simple to disentangle.

man holding a cock cage

Fortunately, I’ve found a video that seems to do a good job, and if this guy gets it wrong, you can yell at him and not me. It’s a bit lengthy, but significant parts are excerpted below:

Are you putting yourself on lockdown for fun? Or have you fallen for fascist propaganda? We don’t kink shame in this office, but we do kink educate. And there are a lot of really fun reasons to put your Johnson in jail.

SV play can be about smolder and building anticipation. It can be a fun way to show submission or exchange power. And it can be a great way to play with tension and release and notice throughout the day how your desire builds. And these can be really fun experiences that you get to leave feeling better about yourself. Or better about the connection you have in your relationship.

Fortunately, sex is political, always. And we do see this more overtly in the way that we police genderqueer and femme bodies. So for people with a pole, it’s often more implicit. It is punishment by your peers. Or what doing a specific act or not doing a specific act says about you to society.

And the alt-right grabs onto this because to control someone’s sexuality is to control
a large portion of that person. People who have a vested interest in you feeling like you expressing yourself sexually is inherently bad or negative. If your kink play, and especially this month and next month, if your chastity play, leaves you feeling like there is something negatively or inherently bad or dangerous with you
or the fact that you have sexual expression, that means you might have fallen for some propaganda.

There are an awful lot of dude bros and incels on the internet trying to sell you chastity as a pseudoscience using conviction that they themselves staple to things like religion and morality and purity. If you’re in chastity because you believe your own self-sex and the relationship you have with your own body is inherently dangerous, you’ve likely fallen for this propaganda.

If you are in chastity because you believe that being in chastity boosts your testosterone when you aren’t ejaculating, then you’ve likely fallen for propaganda.

If you believe that not masturbating causes you to have increased strength, live longer, age more gracefully, or be more alert, you’ve fallen for propaganda.

And if you believe that not ejaculating is saving your sexual power, or that it is saving your sexual power to not give ejaculation to a woman, then friend, you’re falling for fascist propaganda.

Don’t let the incels in the podcast bros lie to you. Don’t let them ruin your fun and step on your kink. You are allowed to enjoy your kink and your sexuality for a lot of healthy, wonderful reasons that let you leave the experience feeling better about yourself and your body. You do not have to relegate yourself to a kink expression that makes you feel worse about who you are or less in control of your body as a result.

And as always, remember, there’s no such thing as porn or sex addiction.

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