Those rough boys at The Exile explain just one of the many inventive ways sex is marketed in Russia:

First, I’ll explain how it was that I ended up with the hottest teenage provincial model at the playground of a mega-rich friend of Moe’s. There’s a simple explanation. We still owed the modeling pimp — Alla’s boss, Slava, the guy who brought her out from Belgorod along with about 25 other models from various depressed provincial towns — a couple thousand more dollars. That was part of the deal. If any of the revelers succeeded in “seducing” the models, Alla’s boss got a 100% bonus. Which meant, of course, that the models would be given a handy beating and blackballing back to their shitty provincial towns if they didn’t allow one of Snideman’s invitees to “seduce” them. Slava wanted his bonus. He kept all the money for himself. He barely paid the models, shipping them in and out of Moscow on third class platzkart, feeding them little more than soup.

Ah, Rossiya. Bacchus has visited…

The same article later brings up an eternal mystery:

Why, why, why do women under the age of 30 cut their hair short? Why? Has any woman, ever, in the history of mankind, ever looked better with short hair? Huh? Has any man ever said to a young woman with beautiful long hair, “You know honey, I really wish you’d look like my mother after she underwent intensive chemotherapy for ovarian cancer I have a hospice fetish that I can’t quench. So why don’t you go and cut all your hair off. Please, oh pretty please?! I really want to fuck a cancer patient!”

An answer is provided.

Mexican porn comics? Who knew? Nobody tells us Norteamericanos the stuff we need to know. Until now:

Pocket-sized comic books called historietas have been available for decades on every corner newsstand, but in the past seven years they have been overrun by a fresh and lurid genre that’s part noir melodrama, part Tijuana bible–what Mexico City writer Alex Giardino dubs the “ghetto libretto.”

These nasty funnies are less graphic than their Japanese counterparts but make up in operatic depravity what they lack in plumbing. Page through Heat Between Her Legs, Secret Temptations, or Carnal Sins, at the Las Americas supermarket on East Lake Street, and you’ll find every variant of anguish on the characters’ faces. My favorite artist, who signs his name Galvez and inks boldly with crude strokes, tells sweaty tales of poor women who endure class browbeating, male predation, incest, and long nights of hot, guilty sex–all before hacking their tormentors to pieces.

This story is a few months old, but it’s about something that’s been buried for a couple of thousand years, so what’s the hurry? It seems that a trove of ancient Chinese bronze dildos was discovered. Speculation as to their use seems, ah, imaginative:

Archaeologists in China have uncovered seven ancient bronze dildos in a Han Dynasty tomb.

This is the first time so many have been unearthed from that era (206 BC – AD 25).

The dildos were cast from a mould, suggesting they were made by a specialist artisan.

Archaeologists say the dildos uncovered in Xian could have been used by eunuchs.

They also say palace maids may have used them on sexually-deprived imperial concubines.

They expect to find more dildoes in the city in north-western Shaanxi province.

If China today is anything like as sexually repressed as European communist countries typically were, I guess this sort of fevered speculation is as close as the archaeologists can get to actual porn. I wonder if psuedointellectual cheap little treatises like “Some Suppositions on the Usages of Bronze Dildos During the Han Dynasty, with 17 Fully Engraved Plates” are sold as pornography in China, the way “Medical Sex Manuals” were sold in the US and Britain back when porn was still a felony?

“Free at last, free at last, thank God Almighty, free at last!”

Ananova reports:

Italian restorers working in a Roman church have unveiled two bare-breasted sculptures which have been covered for almost 150 years.

They were designed by Gian Lorenzo Bernini but covered by bronze ‘corsets’ in 1863 because religious leaders thought they were offensive.

“The figures were particularly feminine in their faces, in their nudity, and very voluptuous,” Ms Negro said. “Religious authorities thought they were not quite suitable for a church.”

Thanks to Daze Reader for the link!

Gentle readers, although this sex blog is not yet a month old, it’s time for that ever-popular favorite, the sharing of odd search queries. Prompting this exercise is today’s new instant classic:

rape my cameltoe

I don’t know whether to be proud that, as of this writing, ErosBlog does not even appear on the first page of Google search results for this query — or dismayed that it appears at all.

Also rather fun is:

bondage rooms for rent

Now, the neat thing here is, Erosblog appears on BLOODY PAGE FOURTEEN of the Google search results. Somebody paged through a hundred and forty fricken’ results, apparently looking for a quiet place with a cage and some overhead rafters and a bondage bench where they could spank their sweetheart in privacy (paying by the hour) while avoiding the watchful eyes of Mom and Dad. Is this an entrepreneurial opportunity for some clever landlord with an extra truckload of soundproofing panels?

I just stumbled across an amusingly-written weekly sex advice column called Love Bites that comes from Toronto’s weekly, The Eye. Here’s a sample:

Q. I have a girlfriend who would like to have anal sex, but she is afraid it will hurt a lot. We were wondering if there is any kind of cream or some product that would relax the sphincter, allowing an easy penetration? Any collateral negative effects if this is used?

A. There are several products on the market designed to numb the sphincter, but they are generally considered a bad idea by ass-fucking authorities. One of the things your ass does when you’re doing something it doesn’t like is warn you in a way that’s hard to ignore. You do not want to Roofie your sphincter. You want your sphincter on red alert. If your ass is numb, you might do something that can really fuck it up, so to speak. Best to take things slow. Tristan Taormino’s The Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Women (the book, not the film, which is awesome but really just a jazzy porno) is a much wiser prelude.

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