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March 17th, 2021 -- by Bacchus

The Day The Pornocalypse Came For Sex Stories

On December 21, 2020, the popular adult user-upload site xHamster had 219,000 sex stories in its database:

219k sex stories at xHamster

Five days later, all those stories were gone. The URL had went 404 Page Not Found. (With a cute hamster, naturally.)

sex stories pornocalypse 404

Generic 404 text says “Sorry, this feature is technically unavailable due to technical reasons.” But that’s boilerplate. Three and a half months later, the sex stories are still gone. Sorry, people, they ain’t coming back.

Was this truly a #pornocalypse situation? xHamster isn’t talking, but signs point to yes. The biggest (and presumably most profitable) part of xHamster’s offering is its tubesite-style video content, which they monetize, presumably, in all the usual tube ways. In December of 2020, other large tubesites were targeted in a coordinated media campaign that used questionable content on their sites to successfully interrupt their credit card billing access via Visa and Mastercard. My guess is that xHamster saw that attack go down, did a quick internal review of vulnerabilities, and removed the entire erotic stories section out of fear that unpleasant content in there would open them up to similar attacks.

Story sites, as all who frequent them know, accumulate some really bizarre stories when not moderated. I don’t use the word “perversion” lightly, but I feel safe in saying you will get a comprehensive tour of human perversion when exploring any really big story site. The notorious and long-ago arrest of Jake Baker for posting snuff stories to alt.sex.stories notwithstanding, sex story archives have frequently been an “anything goes” medium for over-the-top erotic expression. Blood-on-the-walls splatter-gore, cannibalism, piss and poop and vomit, incest between people of all ages, and other squicky stuff that’s too odd to describe in a few short words: it’s all in there.

Now, I never frequented xHamster’s offering, and thus I can’t say whether or how well they moderated their stories. Maybe they didn’t have any of the wildly perverted stuff. Odds are, though, whatever they did have panicked them. They saw other tubes under attack, and it dawned on them how readily their most unpleasant story content could be weaponized against their billing. Since the stories likely weren’t much of a profit center… Boom! The pornocalypse came, real sudden-like.

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March 17th, 2021 -- by Bacchus

An Ambitious Insertion

This photo of an ambitious woman attempting the insertion of a ridiculously huge toy blew up all over the amateur-uploads porn sites seven or eight years ago. That’s all the sourcing I have on it. The toy itself looks buttplug-shaped, but I don’t know how much that matters:

ambitious insertion of a huge butt plug into her pussy

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March 12th, 2021 -- by Bacchus

Saint Patrick’s Day, Dirty?

Why do leprechauns giggle when they play soccer? Because the grass tickles their enormous low-hanging balls…

Thanks, I’ll be here all week. And so will the “Get Lucky” sale from Kink Unlimited — it runs through March 18. They say this is their deepest discount all year: just $69 for 12 months. That’s less than two months at the regular price.

get lucky sale for Saint Patricks day -- Kink Unlimited

What does a horny leprechaun drink? Mount And Do…

I’ll leave you with the worst possible pickup line to try out on an Irish girl: “Colleen, it’s your ancestral duty to drive the snake out of me pants!”

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March 11th, 2021 -- by Bacchus

Eating Ass

She is, as they say, eating that ass like it’s good:

eating brown ass

Artist not known.

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March 10th, 2021 -- by Bacchus

Pearl Necklace Plus

She already had a pearl necklace, so he just went for it:

cum on her face

Probably amateur porn, but I don’t have a source.

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March 9th, 2021 -- by Bacchus

Yonder Comes A Handsome Sailor

Some things never change. In this vintage Fitz Guerin photo, our comely beach babes seem to be scoping out the handsome young men. I think maybe they just spotted a likely candidate for whatever they have in mind:

Hey sailor come help us with our suntan lotion

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March 8th, 2021 -- by Bacchus

How To Advertise Porn On The Down-Low

Did you ever wonder how early pornographers advertised and distributed their wares? It is usually assumed that back in the days of routine obscenity prosecutions, the “hard stuff” was distributed by organized crime on a city-by-city basis and sold “under the counter” by your shadier sort of neighborhood news stand operators. That probably was a common method of distribution, too. But in the back pages of the December 1947 Sports Fiction magazine, I’m seeing evidence that the cheaply-printed 8-page raunch booklets known as Tijuana bibles were being advertised for sale through the mail. I’m quite certain that the “eight page bibles” are the product these coyly-cryptic ads describe, but I’m less certain if these were genuine offerings. Given the serious penalties for mailing obscene material in those days, it’s possible the ads are simple fraud: send money, get bupkis.

crypto advertising for porn comics

magazine ads for tijuana bibles

8 page bible ads in magazine back pages

The deliberate vagueness of the advertisements further raises the possibility of more complex frauds. Order sea monkeys, get brine shrimp eggs. Order x-ray specs, get a cheap lens with a spine-shaped feather glued to it. Order what sounds like Tijuana bibles, get similar-looking pamphlets with no obscene material in them? I discount this as unlikely, only because the ads offer dozens of different titles. If an entire genre of non-pornographic 8-page-bible lookalikes had ever existed, where are surviving examples? The real ones were cheap and fragile, yet many survive. On balance, I think these advertisements are likely more-or-less legit.

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