If you’re like most people, 2020 has been a year for mostly staying home. If you’re especially lucky, you spent it with someone sweet and sexy and so good in bed that you can get away with calling them your “big ol’ sex machine” as an endearment, without sounding too hopelessly corny. After all, what better way to pass the time, when you can’t face one more Zoom-mediated social contact and you’ve already watched everything on Netflix?
But I am a very modern blogger who reads a social media at least once a day. And friends, some of you are on there with me. So I hear and see your many woes. I know that not everybody got lucky in their sexy-pod formation process. Some of you are caregiving, some of you are single-parenting, some of you were just standing in the wrong metaphorical place when your game of “companionship musical chairs” was interrupted. It’s a grand misfortune to have been between hot sexy lovers when the merry music of face-to-face dating and seduction came to its abrupt end.
In 2020 we have all been forced to acknowledge (sadly) that the inevitable future of fully-functional androids and gynoids is not yet here. We still crave a human touch to feed the skin hunger that’s baked into our biological makeup. (Though having furry pets to snuggle helps… some.) Dildos, vibrators, and those fine-feeling squeeze-and-yank slippery mouth and pussy toys made from new miracle materials — none of them help the skin hunger, but they’re great and fun for scratching itchy libidos. You know what, though? A bunch of what makes sex fun in the moment is the sensation of somebody else moving against you, doing the sexy work so that, in the moment at least, you don’t have to. I guess what I’m saying is, we may not have sex robots quite yet, but sometimes we still want something with a motor in it, a big one that does more than just buzz.
No, we may not have the sex robots we need, not this year and maybe not this decade. But there’s no reason we can’t get occasionally get pushed, pulled, kneaded, sucked, and penetrated by a device powerful enough to call itself a fucking machine. If your politely-vibrating dildo isn’t quite filling your lonely voids, Tim “The Tool Man” Taylor knows the solution: “So I rewired it. Gave it more power!”
The variety of sex machine options available these days is astonishing. This fucking machines list from Extreme Restraints is a great sampling of what’s out there. I’m not saying everybody needs one of these, but I am saying that if you’re feeling like the familiar and faithful sex toys in your toybox aren’t moving you as much as you need right now, well, we’re deep in the 21st Century. We have options! This may not be the flying-cars future we we promised, but eight thick inches of tireless mechanical thrusting is not entirely to be scoffed at. Nor is a powerful auto-stroker that handles your crank so you don’t have to. I say we work (or play) with what we can get.
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