Sex blogging for most of two decades hasn’t left me with much ironclad knowledge about human sexuality. But it has filled me with wild opinions I can’t prove. One of these is that the overwhelming majority of men don’t get as many blowjobs as they’d truly like. (Perhaps a great many women don’t receive as much cunnilingus as they would like, either, but among women there seems to be more diversity of opinion on the matter of receiving oral sex.)
If you hooked enough men up to your truth meter and menaced them with electric shocks until they divulged honest answers, I predict you’d learn that, on average, men would like to get sucked off at least twice a day. Maybe just once. Somewhere between those numbers. Seven days a week, fifty-two days a year. In addition to all the other sex. Declining, sometimes but not always, with increasing age.
Generally speaking, it doesn’t happen. Not for nothing does the colloquial compound word for fellatio have the word “job” in it. Giving a good blowjob is genuine skilled work. Lots of women love to do it, but not that often, right? (The same, I assume without evidence, may be true of gay men.)
A lot of men follow a certain trajectory, early in their sexual life. Some woman tests out her oral skills on them, to considerable appreciation and applause. Maybe they have a few really good relationships, with lots of sex and almost as many blowjobs as they can handle, for awhile. But over time they come to understand that blowjobs are a scarce resource, that will never be in surplus.
At this point, strategies diverge. A lot of men (most?) resign themselves to that sad reality, taking their too-rare blowjobs where they can find them. But there are certain patterns among men who try a little harder to find friendly faces to fuck.
One common strategy: pay for your blowjobs. If money is no object, you literally can buy your way to oral bliss about as often as you want, in most urban areas anyway. But you’d have to have a serious trust fund behind you to keep it up for long.
Another common strategy: energetic casual dating. Online profiles, dating apps, using every hookup site you can find, honing your pickup skills at local bars: it’s not a bad life, until you tire. But most guys can’t keep it up at the pace and intensity they’d need to satisfy their honest appetites for oral. You can have a lot of fun. Some guys stretch out this phase for years. But it’s effortful.
The dream solution is to marry well. Get you a wife who loves to suck dick. This is great when it works out, but as someone I know once said about marriage: “The shit changes.” Too often, the person you marry displays one level of sexual hunger in the early phases of your relationship and a wholly different level after marriage.
Some clever lads try to sidestep this sad eventuality by pursuing committed relationships (short of marriage) with suitably-lusty lasses. Outcomes appear to be mixed. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t. At least it’s cheaper and less painful when things don’t work out.
At the end of the day, most men come around to the understanding that what they truly want (if they were emperor in command of all available sexual labor) is unrealistic in the real world. Lust is a market of sorts, and their dick inevitably has tastes too expensive to completely satisfy. So they accommodate themselves to a reduced reality. Perhaps only one blowjob a week!
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