What does a pretty girl taking a casual naked stroll through the woods where the satyrs are known to hang out do, when one jumps out of the bushes and “surprises” her? Why, she throws up her hands in “dismay” to make sure he gets a good look!

Artwork is by Belgian artist Mark Severin.

What we have here is a genuine free speech hero, and I am not being in the slightest bit sarcastic. It takes real courage to do this shit:

A Florida man arrested this week for refusing to remove a sticker on his pickup truck proclaiming that he eats ass will not be prosecuted, officials said Thursday.

Now the man is threatening to sue the sheriff’s office for violating his First Amendment rights.

Dillon Shane Webb, 23, was stopped Sunday on a highway in Lake City, west of Jacksonville, by a Columbia County sheriff’s deputy who saw a sticker on his rear window that read, “I EAT ASS.”

Dashcam footage shows the deputy telling Webb that the reason he was pulled over was “the derogatory sticker” on the back of his truck.

“How is that derogatory?” Webb asks.

“How is it not derogatory?” the deputy responds. “Some 10-year-old little kid sitting in the passenger seat of his momma’s vehicle looks over and sees ‘I EAT ASS’ and asks his mom what it means; how is she going to explain that?”

“That’s the parent’s job, not my job,” Webb responded.

Webb was issued a summons for what the sheriff’s deputy said was a misdemeanor violation of Florida’s obscene-materials law.

Dashcam footage shows the deputy telling Webb that if one of his four children asked him about the sticker, he “would be furious.”

When the deputy told Webb to remove one of the letters from the words “ASS” to read “AS,” Webb refused, citing his constitutional right to free speech.

The deputy subsequently arrested Webb and charged him with the additional offense of resisting an officer without violence.

News of Webb’s arrest – and his sticker – made news around the country. In a notice filed Thursday, prosecutors announced that they were dropping the charges against him.

“Having evaluated the evidence through the prism of Supreme Court precedent it is determined that the Defendant has a valid defense to be raised under the First Amendment of our United States Constitution,” Assistant State’s Attorney John Foster Durrett wrote. “Given such, a jury would not convict under these facts.”

Webb’s lawyer, Andrew Bonderud, told BuzzFeed News they were now considering “a number of potential claims” against the sheriff’s office.

Hey, this sounds like good advice! “Never bite a married woman on the thigh.” But it goes to a dark place, faster than you would think:

Never bite a married woman on the thigh
‘Cause she just can’t rub it off, no matter how she’ll try.
And when she gets home at night, her man will ask her why
Then she’ll say it’s just a birthmark or some other silly lie.
But he’ll get suspicious and then he will start to pry.
Then she’ll get hysterical and she will start to cry.
And he’ll say, “I don’t blame you, but tell me who’s the guy?”
So she’ll admit to everything and he will say “bye-bye”.
And he’ll buy an airline ticket and he’ll fly across the sky.
And then he’ll come and find you and he’ll punch you in the eye.
Then he’ll rent a cheap hotel room and he’ll hang himself with his tie.
And when she gets the news, she’ll take an overdose of sleeping
Tablets and she’s gonna lie on the couch and die.
So never, never, never, never, never, never, never,
Bite a married woman on the thigh!

That’s by Shel Silverstein, who performs it as a sort of folk song here.

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I have no idea what the editors or the uncredited author (perhaps the same person?) thought they were writing about in the Forced Sex article in the Fall 1973 issue of Teeny Floppers magazine. The text is an incoherent mishmash of disconnected psychobabble terms like “frustrated incestuous desire” and “castration complex”. The whole article is eminently forgettable; indeed, from what I can tell, pretty much all of the text in the magazine is just cheap and shoddy filler, designed (badly) to keep the nude pictures from sticking together. The only respect in which any of it is notable is the eye-catching graphic design of this one article header. The entire half-page of typographical art is impossible to miss, and was surely intended to arrest the eyes and fingers of casual news-stand page-flipping browsers:

One think that keeps my passion for erotic art forever fresh is that there’s no limit to the micro-precision and specificity of the fetishes that an artist can bring to life on the page or screen. Did I think I’d ever see an image of a woman getting her asshole tickled with a feather? No, but only because the notion of feather anus tickling would never have occurred to me in a million years:

The art above is a detail from work by the tickle-fetish artist em-car.

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300 days a year, this is a perfectly fine beach for human use. But when the tentacle monsters are breeding, they get feisty, and they aren’t too fussy about where the tentacles go. And if you thing getting sand out of your panties is hard, the slime from beach tentacles? Is worse:

Artwork is by Acidtester.

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It strikes me that surfboard sex might be logistically challenging. But I’m confident it’s been attempted, and reasonably sure successful consummation has been achieved. Simultaneous orgasm, now? That’s asking a lot:

Artwork is from The Magical Nymphini #3.