July 24th, 2017 -- by Bacchus
Pretty Squid Bait
Any time there’s an encounter between a giant squid and a pretty swimming woman, her swimsuit is inevitably the first casualty:
From the cover of Serie Inferno: Abissi.
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July 23rd, 2017 -- by Bacchus
The Archbishop Can Suck It
The image above comes from a breezy-but-detailed investigation of the phenomenon of autofellatio through the ages, as written by C. Brian Smith for Mel Magazine. In A Cultural History of Men Sucking Their Own Dicks, Smith shares the archbishop-autofellatio corbel photograph with this explanation:
A statue of Archbishop of Cologne Konrad von Hochstaden blowing himself sits atop the 14th-century Cologne City Hall. Some say the archbishop was unpopular among stone-carvers because he put a large tax on “hops” in beer so they created the statue in defiance. Others believe it’s a modern incarnation (circa 1950) meant to replace a statue destroyed during World War II. If so, the modern sculptor was having a laugh at the expense of his employers and future generations. Either way, gargoyle sculptures like this were known to be self-indulgent jokes by the artists of the day.
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July 21st, 2017 -- by Bacchus
Sexy Time In Computer Lab
Computer lab was never like this for me, but one constant remains: the oblivious geek with his face in the screen!
From an Italian pulp cover.
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July 20th, 2017 -- by Bacchus
When His Wife Catches Him
This conversation about a husband “getting caught” watching porn will likely make you laugh:
My Wife: What are you doing?
Me: Don’t come in here!
Her: Why? Are you watching porn?
Me: You’re supposed to be in the other room writing slash fiction!
Her: Walter White and Jesse Pinkman can wait. Let me see what you’re watching.
Me: This is my man-cave time! Don’t—
Her: Come on! Let me see!
Me: No! I—
Her: Ooooooooooo. That is really hot.
Me: Oh, for crying out—
Her: What? You really think I’m going to be upset? How long have we been together?
Me: No, I just… I mean… Oh, hell. I admit it. I kind of get off the idea that you’re going to get really, really pissed if you catch me, and that I’m in here doing something really, really bad.
Her: A role play! I can do that!
Me: (pause) Really?
Her: Really. Let me go out and come back in again.
Me: And you’ll be angry this time?
Her: Really angry. Just wait.
Me: God, I love you. Give me a minute, though. I need to cue the video back up to the good part…
From Kinkster Of A Certain Age.
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July 19th, 2017 -- by Bacchus
Down Alice’s Rabbit Hole
I think it’s safe to say that “down the rabbit hole” has a new meaning for Alice now:
Art is by Jackanita.
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July 17th, 2017 -- by Bacchus
…And A Bucket Of Elbow Grease
The Tantus Cisco silicone dildo…just look at it! That’s a lot of dildo:
From the sales copy:
Cisco by Tantus is our prime anal toy for size-queens. If you’re all about size, look no further! Cisco has over 10 inches of insertable length, plus a massive shaft of ribbed delight, with a rounded top and five rings of fun. The silicone Cisco is boilable, odorless, non-toxic and dishwasher safe.
You wouldn’t want to insert a thing like that into anyplace you cared about without having plenty of lube on hand, so it’s convenient that you can also buy the famous Elbow Grease lube literally by the bucket. It’s not cheap when you buy it buy the gallon, but it is famous:
Like I said, this lube is famous:
Elbow Grease Original Formula has been formulated under strict standards to ensure the best quality possible. This mineral oil based lubricant is a thick cream; long-lasting for ultimate sensual pleasure. Elbow Grease is the oldest sexual lubricant on the market, dating back to 1979. It’s been a best seller for years and will not disappoint. Use only with polyurethane condoms. Do not use with latex condoms.
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July 16th, 2017 -- by Bacchus
Whatever Happened To Doctor Infinity, Autofellator?
The Rialto Report has a ridiculously complete rundown on Doctor Infinity, the first and most notorious autofellatio-artist in porn:
About half way through the film ‘Every Inch A Lady’ (1975), something strange happens. Even by the standards of a New York adult film.
In this scene, a slim man in his mid 20s is introduced as ‘Joe Blow’. He is shown into the office of a madame, Crystal Laverne (played by Darby Lloyd Raines), but after tiring of waiting for her to finish her phone call, he takes the matter into his own hands. Quite literally as it turns out.
He strips naked, climbs on top of a table, lies on his back, flips his legs in the air, and proceeds to play the pink bassoon until he ejaculates. Did I mention he also inserts a cucumber in his behind whilst doing this?
Crystal stares in shock, whilst her swishy assistant Charlie (played by Kurt Mann) watches in disbelief — before declaring: “Now that’s entertainment!”
The actor, it turns out, takes his self-loving very seriously; his life turned into a long quest to make a movie of himself “doing his thing” and then trying to get it to Spain so he could show it to his artistic hero, Salvador Dali. Along the way and to make money for the trip, he took a job babysitting for John Lennon and Yoko Ono, but he got fired for the inevitable reason:
To raise money to go to Spain, he got work for Yoko Ono as a nanny to Sean Lennon. But I heard he was fired from there for showing his party trick.
I said to him “I hope you didn’t show Sean your trick?”
He said “Oh I did. That’s what got me fired”.
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