I’ve got a disturbing drawing for everyone to enjoy. Don’t worry, it’s art, you can tell by the disturbance.

First a detail from the drawing. Not too disturbing, unless you wonder why she seems to cower. You could hope she’s just shading her eyes from the awesome and majestic sight of her lover’s manly prong. But why’s he got her in the empty corner of an empty room? It’s potentially worrisome:

It gets a lot more worrisome when you see the whole sketch, which is by one Czech illustrator named Alfred Kubin, and dates from 1902:

So, is this beastiality porn, or not? And what is that furry critter, anyway? A thousand-pound harmless little flop-eared doggie? I guess it’s safe to say he’s a “beast”, anyway.

You can tell it’s art by the way it grips you with implications, but gives you no way to tell which of the things you infer were actually and deliberately implied by the artist, and which were really just the product of your own fevered imagination.

(This is what happens when you send somebody to a liberal arts college and then don’t make him take any art history or appreciation classes. You wind up almost twenty years later with tiny little art criticism essays that feel like they were block-printed in crayon. Does anybody have the “Flesh” one? The girl in the corner looks a little pale.)

Since ErosBlog doesn’t do politics, I haven’t posted about the current scandal involving a lying attorney general and the eight U.S. Attorneys fired — as CNN so delicately puts it — for being “insufficiently partisan.” But I’ve thought it odd that the television news has consistently covered this story without reporting, or even speculating, on exactly what it was that these prosecutors did — or didn’t — do, that caused them to incur the wrath of the president at whose pleasure they serve.

The reason, it turns out, is porn. Specifically, mainstream commercial porn involving consenting adults. The common thread binding these eight prosecutors is their refusal to prosecute commercial pornographers (often because they lacked the resources to prosecute the much uglier child porn cases on their desks, or because they understand that prosecuting mainstream porn is a great way to lose cases in today’s America.)

I toyed with the idea of a post with all the details, but it felt too much like work, and I’ve been busy. Fortunately, Susie Bright’s a lot more industrious — and a much better and more prolific writer — than I am, and she’s done the work. Sample:

Do you know what the eight fired prosecutors have in common?

All of them declined to press obscenity charges on cases that the DOJ was desperately running up a flagpole without success.

Now, why? – since we know these prosecutors are Republicans who would love to win a solid case– why would they frown on pursuing such charges?

Bush’s DOJ Porno Task Force told the prosecutors to go after X-rated entertainment companies who make adult, consensual productions–grown-ups with contracts! This time, the focus was supposed to be on subject material like piss, scat, bestiality, and… S/M. They were counting on a big “ick” factor!

But the Super-8 aren’t all that stupid, and they know what happens in obscenity trials when you go after the 1st Amendment. They could paper the White House with case history. They won’t chase these clown cars, because, as Paulie Walnuts might put it, “they’re weak, they’re out of control, and… an embarrassment to yourself and everyone else.”

What the hell is an “S/M” video, after all? Are you going to go after Hollywood for releasing 9 1/2 Weeks? Any defense lawyer worth his salt is going to bring in Pasolini’s Salo, portraits of Abu Gharib victims, and documentaries on cattle insemination to pose the question: What is context? What about taste? What crime has been committed? Legitimate film producers, be they “adult,” mainstream, or hybrid, are not going to take it lying down.

You know when President Reagan went after porn in the 80s, he told his Attorney General, Edwin Meese, to focus on gay sex, anal sex, and black-white couples– and to charge them in Texas. And it still backfired.

Better yet, Susie’s got links to the pertinent investigative reporting.

I’m not a big Harry Potter fan, but I see a lot to like in this picture of Daniel Radcliffe, the actor that plays Harry Potter in the movies!

My sister sent me this picture, but she didn’t tell me where she got it.

Remember what Red says: “If the women don’t find you handsome, they should at least find you handy.”

I rather suspect they find Monmouth to be both:

“With a little patience, you could probably get your whole hand in there.”

Audrey had invited me over for an afternoon of fun and games. Now she was lying back on a pile of pillows, legs spread, and her pussy dripping all over my fingers and tongue.

I pulled back and looked at her beautifully proportioned slit. Her pussy felt so small and tight around my two fingers. I had been licking and fingering her for a good while already, and I was in no rush. Carefully, I massaged around her pussy, stroking, licking and insinuating my way in with three, then four fingers, a bit of lube, and a lot of attention to her clit along the way.

Gradually, she opened up more and more.

After she had gotten accustomed to four fingers and most of my hand, it was time to get my thumb in. I pulled out part of the way and added more lube to everything. Her eyes, wide and glistening, followed the way I spread the lubricant all over my hand. She wanted, and yet…

My fingers formed a wedge, thumb pressed against the palm as tightly as possible. It was easier than I thought. The whole hand slid in. Suddenly, shockingly, I could cup her entire cervix in my palm.

Then I formed a fist.

Audrey let out a deep growl or groan or some other noise that came all the way from down below. She reached up to grab me by the neck and pulled me in for a wet, deep kiss, unbalancing me so that the weight of my body shifted on to the hand now fully buried inside her.

Staring into my eyes, hers wide, not quite focused. she let go of my neck. “Take a look…”

I pulled back and saw, incredibly, the naked lips of her pussy wrapped all the way around my wrist.

My hand was fully inside her. I moved it around, carefully, starting to fuck her with my clenched fist….

I was slow to notice that the folks at Kink.com (for whom I have enormous respect) released a new bondage site this month, which looks incredibly rich in texture. (Heavy wood, and heavier iron — these are textures, right?) If you like your bondage heavy (literally!) and heavily invested with a “Resistance is Futile! Escape is Impossible! Why do you struggle so hopelessly?” ethos, Device Bondage may be for you. Medieval methods wrought and crafted in an updated industrial steampunk sort of way make for an unforgettable combination. Don’t miss the (very!) pink closeup of the cast iron speculum in the same shoot this picture comes from:

And then there’s the heavy horizontal pillory found here:

We’ve come a long way from the “two bored porn starlets, a suede flogger twirling in a light circle, and a hank of clothesline lightly tangled” that used to be bondage porn.

Oh, the fun you can have with your printer:

Practical, in a few contexts. Practical joke, in a great many more. Fun either way!

Whenever you hear a story like this, it’s hard to know if you’re reading about somebody suffering a serious crisis of mental health, or whether (as we’d always prefer to believe) it’s someone living out a sexually adventurous fantasy. Add drugs to the mix and you’ve got an even fuzzier middle ground to worry about.

When I was in college, we had a young scholar who took too many magic mushrooms and was eventually picked up by campus security, naked, standing on the college president’s lawn, masturbating and shouting. I never heard what he was shouting about.

It’s possible that this story slides a little bit more toward the sexually adventurous side, but there’s no way to know for sure:

Masturbating trespasser booted from frat
By: Jessica Vosgerchian, Daily Staff Reporter (3/26/07)

Police have been unable to locate a woman who entered the Pi Kappa Alpha fraternity house without permission on Thursday and began to masturbate on a couch.

While fraternity members were eating in the dining room, a woman entered the house’s living room, took off her clothes and started masturbating, said LSA junior Dan Nye, the president of the Washtenaw Avenue fraternity.

…

Fraternity members asked the woman to leave the house, but she refused and continued masturbating for about half an hour, Nye said.

When members asked the woman if she was all right, she casually replied that she was fine, he said. The woman was talking on her cell phone at one point, said LSA sophomore Adam Bayard, a member of the fraternity.

She walked out of the front door wearing only a thigh-length black coat after a fraternity member called the police, Nye said. When police arrived minutes later, the woman had already left.

According to a police report, the woman was between 20 and 30 years old, had short brown hair and appeared to be under the influence of drugs.

“Obviously, she was very disturbed,” Nye said. “It was not how a normal person would respond to people.”

The woman told fraternity members that her name was Melissa and she was a student at Eastern Michigan University, according to the police report.

Fraternity members said they will throw out two couches in the living room because of the incident, Nye said.

As far as I’m concerned, it’s that last line that makes the story. I’ve been in frat houses, and so the idea that frat boys (er, I mean young Greek gentlemen) would be grossed out by a single incidence of female masturbation on their furniture makes me howl with laughter.

I also like that “She’s been masturbating for half an hour, is it time to call the police yet?” sense of urgency.