Reader Serge sent in a link to Le site de Camille, which is chock full of goodies like this:

I hate to just dump a picture post, so here’s a picture to make you think:

The interesting question is, what does it make you think? Discuss among yourselves.

For me, it raises all sorts of questions. Is it supposed to be funny, in a mock-heroic Great White Hunter sort of way? (Obviously not very* funny, but I think I found it on Urod.ru, where the humor tends to run low. You can’t entirely blame those low-brow Russki misogynists, though, because that truck is an American classic or I’ll eat the hood ornament.)

Or is it supposed to be a deep feminist commentary on the treatment of women in porn? Or on the treatment of women, in general?

Or, contrariwise, might it be a direct reminder message from the Patriarchy on the supposed equation between women and meat?

We might know more if we knew who the photographer was. Which says a lot, all by itself, about the difficulty of finding meaning in a context-less photograph.

Have fun, but be nice.

A sensationalist blog title, to be sure. But Violet Blue, who does a lot of sex writing, has discovered that Microsoft Word is squeamish about suggesting sex-related words when she mis-types them, even though those words evidently are in its database:

I’ve noticed that Word is reluctant to suggest some sex words as spelling alternatives when it doesn’t recognize what I wrote. For instance, if I write “Windoze” and spell-check it, the program will suggest “Windows” and a few other alternate words. If I insist on my spelling and click “ignore” it tells me I picked a word not in the dictionary, and am I sure I want to continue?

But with some sex words, it behaves differently. Here’s an example I’m running into repeatedly tonight: in my draft, I typed dildo as “didlo” a couple of times. Word’s spell-check caught it as a mistake and suggested the following words: dido, idol, dodo and dado. But when I corrected the spelling to “dildo” it unhighlighted (what it does with correct spellings), and when I clicked “ignore” it didn’t tell me I was using a word outside the dictionary or if I was sure I wanted to continue.

So, it knows how to spell “dildo”. Why won’t it offer me the correct suggestion in the list?

I have two reactions to this. The first is a sort of mild humorous derision, which Microsoft earns and shares broadly with the entire sex-phobic corporate world.

More seriously, though, it seems worrisome in a minor way that a company with so much influence over the “means of production” of written English has the ability to disfavor and deprecate entire vocabularies. Words are what people use to think with. Influence — even subtle influence — over the inventory of available words is real power.

Who knew a girl could have so much fun with just a bit of string?

A while back I noticed a Bondage Blog post called Hanging Like Ripe Fruit. The post (illustrated by some bondage porn from Hogtied.com) featured a suspension tie reminiscent of a scene from The Claiming of Sleeping Beauty, a famous BDSM novel by Ann Rice. Unfortunately Bondage Blog only posted one picture, so in a moment of boredom, I went back to Anne Rice to help flesh it out:

“Double her, for punishment,” said Lord Gregory. “I think a real punishment is in order.”

Princess Lizetta gave several high-pitched groans. They seemed both anger and protest. She seemed not to have bargained for this, and as she was carried ahead of Beauty and Lord Gregory into the Hall of Punishments, the Pages quickly affixed leather cuffs to her wrists and ankles, each cuff with a heavy metal hook imbedded in it.

Now she was raised, struggling, to a great low beam that spanned the room, her wrists hung from a hook above her head and then her legs brought straight up in front of her so that her ankles were fixed to the same hook. The was, in fact, bent double. Her head was then forced between her calves, so that Beauty could see her face clearly. And a leather strap was bound around here, securely pressing her upturned legs against her torso.

But the most cruel and frightening aspect of it for Beauty was the exposure of the Princess’s secret parts, for she was hung so that anyone could see her full sex with its pink lips and its dark hair even to the tiny brown orifice between her buttocks. And all this just below her scarlet face. Beauty could imagine no worse exposure and she looked down timidly, glancing up again and again to the girl whose suspended body moved slightly as with a current in the air, the leather links at her wrists and ankles creaking.

…

The man in velvet had begun to stroke Princess LIzetta’s sex with a small instrument that was, as so much here, covered in smooth black leather. This was a three-pronged rod that somewhat resembled a hand, and as soon as he teased the helpless Princess, she began to struggle in her bonds.

Beauty understood at once what was happening. The Princess’s pink sex, terrifying to Beauty as it hung so unprotected, appeared to swell, to ripen. Beauty could see tiny droplets of moisture appear on it.

…

“Lord Gregory,” the Lady said, “you must think of something special.” Then to Beauty’s horror, the lady reached out delicately and fastidiously and pinched Princess LIzetta’s pubic lips hard so that they exuded moisture. Then she pinched the right lip and the left, and the girl winced with pain and misery.

Lord Gregory had meantime snapped his fingers for the Lord with the iron clawlike hand, and whispered something Beauty could not hear. “It will strengthen her punishment.”

And now the Lord appeared with a little pot and a brush and as the Lady stepped back, he took the brush and bathed Princess LIzetta’s naked organ in a heavy syrup. A few droplets fell to the floor, and the princess again made known her misery. She sobbed softly behind her gag, but the Lady only smiled rather innocently and shook her head. “It will attract any flies we have about,” Lord Gregory said, “and if we have none it shall produce its inevitable itching as it dries. It is quite uncomfortable.”

The Lady did not seem satisfied. Her pretty and innocent face was smooth however and she sighed. “I suppose it will do for now, but I wish she were bound with her legs apart to a stake in the garden. Then let the flies and the little insects of the air find her honeyed mouth. She deserves it.”

Although there are no dramatically better views in the short trailer and sample views visible for free without whipping out your credit card, a membership will get you rather a lot more!

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OK, I used that title just so I could pick on it. But first, the vintage porn:

Now, what’s wrong with my title? In general, there’s a number of reasons why I don’t normally throw the word “lesbian” around loosely when characterizing what Rick Santorum might call “woman on woman” porn.

First of all, there’s the moron factor. Thirty years of greasy-idiot pornographers shouting “Hot Lesbo Fucking!” every time they get two naked ladies in the same photographic frame has sort of polluted the swimming pool.

At a deeper level, even when you’ve got two women actually doing sexual things to each other in a photograph, it’s never clear to me that you’ve got enough information to attach that “lesbian” label. Yeah, lesbian women have sex with each other (by all reports, anyway, I haven’t witnessed it with my own eyes) but even with my dim and primitive grasp of gender politics, I’m reasonably confident that there might be greater depth to lesbian identification. I don’t think you can reliably attach labels like that based on photographic evidence alone.

And finally, there’s the fundamental deceit present in all posed photographic art. Porn models tend to do what they’re paid to do, and it doesn’t say much about who they are. Calling a woman a lesbian because she poses sexually with another woman is like calling an author a Catholic because he writes a story with a priest in it.

Which is really my point about this picture. The suggestive touching is one thing, but I’m not seeing any enthusiasm in the faces of the models. Which would make this bad lesbian porn, if lesbian porn it were.

Over-analyze much? Why, yes thank you, I don’t mind if I do.

There really are some fantasies — even consensual ones — that are better left unrealized. Including this Catholic girls school bathroom scene from Alebeard’s Kink Blog, as (it seems) Alebeard now realizes, with benefit of hindsight:

I met her online in a Portland chat room, her pic was deeply sexy, though typically you cant trust pics, especially the sexy ones. But this one turned out to be accurate.

Anyway, she had this fantasy to get tied up and abused in the girls bathroom of a catholic school. She suggested St Mary’s academy on SW 5th ave where I take it she was a student some years ago.

Now, what I should have done was listened, agreed that it was a hot fantasy and moved on, but no.

Naturally the idea was for her to be all tied up with belt marks all over her tits and ass, clamps on and cum dribbling out of her ass, you know, everyday stuff when class got out and the bathroom filled with girls. She has masturbated to this image many times she says and knows just when classes will be on and the place empty
Somewhere in my shrunken head it did dawn on me that maybe if we really did this, police would get involved. She said she was tell them she had been assaulted, did not want to talk about it and would refuse a police interview. Somehow this seemed reasonable to me.

In our minds, this was a great fantasy, Reality however had different ideas

Let me help you with a few fine points in case you try this at home

1. Nuns patrol the halls like guard dogs even when class is in session.
2. Said vicious nuns have evil and cruel timing.
3. When a Nun walks in a bathroom and your cock is deep inside Tina’s ass, there is little one can do to be graceful.
4. Nuns chase one fast, even big nuns, they run in packs.
5. Nuns throw things, they hurt.
6. Nuns do curse.
7. When running without pants on through a field full of Catholic school girls, do not expect them to look away politely and not laugh.
8. When running full speed towards the opening in the fence line, look down to avoid tripping in a gopher hole and flying through the air to land on ones face.
9. Police have no sense of humor about these things.
10. When ones own lawyer spends 20 minutes laughing at you, its less then fun
11. Judges also have little sense of humor even when the charges are minor
12. Community Service sucks

I believe this anecdote also illustrates the wisdom of The First Rule Of Man Law: “Never put your dick in crazy.”

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