There’s something very festive about a snowball-wielding woman wearing nothing but a Santa hat:

The wedding is history at last, and my shiny green dress and red earrings have already been tossed in the trash. (Can I make a motion that any December bride that thinks it’ll be pretty and festive to dress her attendants all Christmassy can be shot?) Thanks to hippie-girl sister, I had a very interesting time.

I have teeny tits compared to most chicks. Not exactly pubescent girl size, but close. And the dress that my other sister, the bride, chose is of a style that requires a decent rack to look good. Even after some serious tailoring, the dress didn’t look good on me. Hippie-sis to the rescue! We went bra shopping, and she convinced me to buy a basic push up bra, like this one:

She said it would make the dress look good on me.

Well, it did more than that. My little boobies, all pushed together to give the illusion of cleavage, got me all kinds of male attention! Lucky for me, the guy that took me back to his hotel after the reception was tipsy enough not to notice the difference between advertised and actual goods.

I thought that the flirting and all was mostly because of the happy mood at the wedding. So I decided to wear the bra again today, to see if it made any difference to the guys at the oil change place I use. They know me, so I thought my blossomed bosom wouldn’t be noticed.

Wrong. Wrong, wrong, wrong!

They were extra nice to me…..and their eyes kept wandering south. That’s never happened to me before.

And now I can’t decide if I want to buy six more of these damn things or toss this one in the trash with the dress.

For me, a Christmas stocking just isn’t a proper Christmas stocking if it doesn’t have some kind of sexy toy in it. Not even if it’s vinyl and has a heel:

So anyway, I had high hopes of doing a substantial and official ErosBlog sex toy Christmas Guide this year. But, sadly for my grand plan, I found myself responsible for some unanticipated family care-giving this December, and the big sex toy blogging plans have suffered. Suddenly I discover it’s December 19, I haven’t done any Christmas shopping at all, and the ship-in-time-for-Christmas dates have passed at almost all of my favorite online sex toy emporia. Drat!

However, all is not lost. My favorite online purveyor of sex toys ships so fast that there’s still plenty of time, if you don’t dawdle. Better yet, every year they have a “SeXmas” sale. It’s always got good discounts, too.

You can (of course) go kinky if you want to — how about a satin blindfold in Santa Claus Red?

But kinky is not required. They have every imaginable sex toy to tickle your fancy (or hers, or his).

Kinky not required, I said. But if it’s kinky you want, this place is the undisputed king of kinky. Forget crops and whips and leather cuffs. Did you ever imagine what you’d get if you took one of those paper Chinese finger trap toys and re-engineered it, using stainless steel wire, as a device for imprisoning penises?

Of course you did. Or maybe not. They think of these things so you won’t have to.

Anyway, behold! The Wire Cock Trap:

That’s not something everybody with a penis to play with is gonna want, no. But it would fit nicely in a stocking. And think of the the fun when he pulls it out and holds it up, all puzzled, and says “What’s this thing, and what’s it for?”

“Hold still, dear, and I’ll show you.”

Fair warning: you might wind up late for Christmas dinner at dear old Grandma’s house. And aren’t happy delays like that the best Christmas present of all?

It’s getting along toward Christmas, so I think I’ll break out a few holiday images I’ve found this year. This one — featuring the lovely Janet Pilgrim of 1950s Playboy fame — shows the kind of presents-opening party we all enjoy:

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It’s actually rather rare to find a man who puts this much effort into describing the sensations of a good blowjob:

I stood there as she dropped to her knees and started to furiously fellate me. Her mouth sucking on my head, her hands moving up and down the shaft lubricated with her saliva. I could only watch with awe as she stared up up me, a smile twisting the corners of her mouth as she sucked and nibbled away at my cock.

This wasn’t a long, slow, sensuous blow job. This was a fast, furious, “you are going to cum now” blow job. This was for my pleasure. I was moving my hips backwards and forwards, fucking her face as her head bobbed up and down. After only a few minutes I felt the pressure growing in my balls as I got ready to blow.

And then I came, my hot cum spurting into her mouth, her sucking harder to get the last drop out of me, swallowing each and every drop apart from the few bits that dribbled out and slid down her chin. I grabbed her arms and pulled her up to me, planting my mouth firmly over hers to express my thanks with a long hard kiss, the taste of my cum heavy on her breath and skin.

My knees were almost buckling with pleasure. I felt as if every drop of energy had been sapped from me. My skin tingled from the tips of my toes to the top of my head. I felt as if I had no energy and masses of energy at the same time. It was one of the most fantastic, satisfying and erotic sexual experiences I have ever had. So totally different to anything I’d experienced before. Magical.

From Edinburgh Erotica.

Here’s yet another way to appreciate fine art:

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Dear Santa or Buddha or Whoever,

Forget the rocket and pony and all the other material crap. This is what I want for Christmas:

If he isn’t available, something close will work just as well.

Thank you,

Aphrodite

(Found at Nick Ash Photography.)