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October 19th, 2022 -- by Bacchus

A Dildo In A Nantucket Chimney

plaster dildo from 1895

There’s a persistent story in the Northeast that the wives of whalers might once upon a time have been given dildos by their husbands before long whaling voyages. There’s even a cute euphemism for them: such a dildo was said to be called a “He’s-at-home”. The singular plaster dildo pictured above is not proof entire that the story is true, but it was found bricked up in the chimney of a Nantucket house with other old artifacts:

In the box were the other antiques the mason had found with the dildo: six charred envelopes from the 1890s addressed to Captain James B. Coffin; letters from the same James B. Coffin to Grover Cleveland and Assistant Secretary of State Edwin Dehl; a dirty and frayed shirt collar; a pipe that still smelled of tobacco when I fit my nose in the bowl; and a green glass laudanum bottle. These items must have been hidden in the chimney by James’s wife,­ Martha “Mattie” Coffin, sometime between when the letters were dated and when she died in 1928. The fireplace was later sealed up, and a closet was built in front of it.

This long and sensitive essay explores the history of this particular dildo, and presents what sound like painstaking efforts to confirm the popular historic lore around lonely wives left behind by the whaling fleets. I say efforts because, at the end of it all, the author is left without much more than this peculiar artifact, finding no others, nor any contemporaneous accounts, in a region chock full of well-curated, if perhaps also prudish, historical museums:

At first glance, the he’s-at-home might be an example of bad fact-checking, the old whaling dildo being too juicy a detail to disregard. The books on Nantucket’s history that discuss he’s-at-homes all reference each other in their bibliographies; echo-chambers of research should raise red flags. The thought that I’d had while standing beside Connie’s chimney weeks before rose again: What if this was all a big joke? What if the he’s-at-homes were part of the island’s oldest gossip, started back in the 1800s and washed ashore 150 years later in a smattering of books and a monologue, spread through the island’s collective consciousness, and now accepted as historical fact?

The entire essay is worth your time, if only for how well it illustrates the perils of trying to research a taboo topic in conservatively-kept archives.

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October 17th, 2022 -- by Bacchus

Picnic, Or Orgy?

I feel like these five well-dressed couples all showed up for a picnic, but then somehow an orgy began to break out:

eight people making out in the woods in May

From a postcard (?) by Carl Robert Arthur Thiele.

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October 15th, 2022 -- by Bacchus

Katya In The Kitchen

Erotic social media personality and model Katya Clover is in your kitchen, whipping up something tasty. It doesn’t really matter what she’s cooking, does it?

topless katya with tiny panties in her kitchen

Of course it does not.

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October 14th, 2022 -- by Bacchus

Housemaid: Nearly Naked And Surly About It

I don’t know the story here, but my mind rapidly infills a blackmail scenario. She’s not a housemaid by profession, but this humiliating scene has been imposed upon her by these leering toffs. I wonder what their leverage over her might be?

serving maid wearing next to nothing in the way of skimpy lingerie forced to serve tea but she is not happy about it

Artwork appears to come from the cover of a Francophone pulp publication.

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October 13th, 2022 -- by Bacchus

Coffee Table Fern

Coffee table decor took a step up when people started putting ferns on them. Yes, this grinning gal is Fern, from the defunct “All Ruth” site:

fern on the table with her miniskirt hiked up, her legs apart, and her pussy spread wide open and on display

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October 12th, 2022 -- by Bacchus

Blowjob, With Solid Handwork

This blowjob seems a little bit lackluster. Mostly she’s just slurping the tip. Is that schlong so large she truly can’t be expected to take it any deeper into her mouth? Or is this a lack-of-effort situation? I suppose she does get points for solid handling of the shaft:

shallow blowjob with good hand on dick work

Our fellatrix today is Angelina, as originally seen somewhere in the vast BangBros network.

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October 11th, 2022 -- by Bacchus

20 Years Of ErosBlog: Old Reviews Of Old Porn

Let me tell you a funny thing about sex blogging for more than two decades: I have bookmarks that are old enough to vote. No, no, of course you’re right: all my ancient hoarded links are broken! But the WayBack Machine is a thing, and somehow, over all these weary years, I’ve become one of the world’s leading professionals at finding old porn stuff in there. (Did I just say a true thing? I suspect I may have. People don’t exactly put “professional porn researcher” on their LinkedIn curricula vitae, so it’s rather hard to check.)

So anyway yes, I have the ancient porn links. I know where the boners are buried. I have links to forgotten sex blogs on old blogging platforms that nobody remembers. I have receipts, dang it.

A thing that I miss from 20 years ago is the genre of bloggers doing porn reviews like magazine writers used to do fancy book reviews. Smart people with a literary turn of mind, viewing porn — often rather stupid porn, as so much of it was and remains — as a text, and finding intelligent entertaining things to say about said text.

Kitty Bukkake porn review

Who remembers the psuedonymous blogger “Kitty Bukkake”, blogging on the Diaryland platform? That would be me. Possibly only me, but at least I have receipts. Here’s three paragraphs from a much longer watch-and-review piece that Kitty did about the Jim Powers sleaze-classic American Bukkake 10. Kitty wrote this twenty years plus about a week ago:

Trinity Maxx is the first person to speak in American Bukkake 10. “Waiting is the hardest part, I tell ya,” she says to the camera, as a PA tells her “5 more minutes.” They chat about how porn time is different than regular time, and she explains, again to the camera, “The plot thickens.” I don’t know what she meant. I do know she seems to have a bit of a Boston accent, she’s white and very pretty. I wonder if she went to my high school.

Cut to Trinity’s solo scene. She finds herself alone in a concrete room and decides it is the perfect place to strip off her silver two-piece and masturbate. So she does for a while, and then she’s on a platform doing it more, but now in front of about 30 or 40 guys sitting crosslegged on the floor. I’m going to refer to these men as jerkoffs (the site for the video is jerkoffzone.com, so don’t take it the wrong way). Someone claps from off-camera and the jerkoffs stand up. Another clap and they pull down their underwear. A third clap and they hold their underwear above their heads, and a final clap brings shouts of “Bukkake!” and the flinging of the underwear at Trinity, who laughs and throws a pair of black boxers into the air gleefully. This is supposed to replicate the ancient Japanese ritual of bukkake, probably, and it happens at the beginning of every scene.

Pretty much right after the underwear gets tossed, the jerking off gets going. Trinity leans against a trashbag-covered backrest. Lots of the noises she supposedly makes are overdubbed. Her lips are closed and still she aahs; her teeth are clenched and yet she oohs. That’s the soundtrack, along with some instrumental music (I keep expecting it to stop for an operator to tell me that my call will be answered in the order in which it was received), the guys’ heavy breathing and grunting, plus some loud cameras. She tries to look as if she is having a sensual and enjoyable experience but I don’t believe her. Though I am trying not to say things like “She couldn’t possibly enjoy having three dozen strangers beat off on her head!” In therapy, I’ve found myself making blanket statements about how people feel, and my therapist replies with a “why not?” or a “you think?” and I realize that I’m just being judgmental and stupid, because there’s no telling what a person will do for love or money given the opportunity. Trinity says thank you to the jerkoffs sometimes, and she’s sort of sweet to them.

And that’s just the first scene! Kitty does the entire videotape (remember those?) in all its dubious and explosively-sticky glory.

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