Since Violet and Xeni are both going mad for Timothy Archibald’s new book on Sex Machines, I figured it might be time once again to honor the visual innovators in the field, namely, the mechanical geniuses at Fucking Machines. They build (beg? borrow? steal? I don’t really know) some of the best-looking sex machines in the porn world, and put ’em together with hot models. I particularly like this mandroid they’ve been featuring lately — it’s like high-camp erotic horror, only the girls are smiling:

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They know how to do greetings over at Sweetness Follows:

About 2, laying on the couch, watching a movie, idling playing with my cock, because, well, it’s there. Chelle walks in.

In a shocked tone: “Is that your boner?!?”

“Yes. Yes it is. It says hello to you.”

“Well, let me say hello to it then.”

At which point, I get pounced on majorly, my dick sucked till my eyes nearly roll all the way around in my sockets, followed by vague rough and urgent from behind action elsewhere.

It seems that Annie’s husband has discovered the silver lining, er, behind having an allergic wife:

I was likely snoring alluringly – we all know how sexy a good snort and snotty sniff is – which naturally drove my man wild with desire and, no longer able to restrain his need, I felt him get on the bed behind me and spoon, the rowdy beast poking at his lair’s door insistently. Herein lies another effect of “severe allergy” pills. Being antihistimines, they dry everything up – everything except my nose that is – requiring the horny, and now grumbling, man to get up and rummage the nightstand drawer for the lube.

At that point he was truly a man on a mission, he was gonna Get Some and Get It Now. He lifted me up onto my knees and elbows and was quickly home with a virile plunge. The thing about hay fever is that as long as ya stay really still with your eyes closed, the symptoms can be held at bay. The minute ya move and open your eyes, It’s All Over. With Robert fucking happily away, I sneezed and Robert says, “Whoa! Sneeze again!”

“Huh? What happened to gezundheit?” I query in disbelief.

“Gezundheit. Now sneeze again. Man, that feels amazing!” he sez, thrusting the beast in to the hilt and holding, waiting for the next sneeze. “Come on, look at the light or something… sneeze for me, baby.”

Sneeze for me, baby? I’ve heard of cumming on command, but sneezing on command? Now, this is kinky.

“Um…” I responded brilliantly.

“Come on, baby, SNEEZE!” he commanded, slapping my ass hard. Then again.

Damned if that didn’t work. The stimulation did indeed set off a new round of sneeze – or maybe it was just convenient timing – but Robert got his desire. The way he moaned it must have been pretty darned good.

“It would be even better in your ass,” I heard through the nose pill haze. Soon, the beast had poked his head into my tight, unprepped bottom.

“OWWW-choo! Shit, Robert!” Aaahhh-choo! My hay fever attack was officially exerting itself again in full force. So I’m sneezing and bugfuck stupid with a cock up my ass and my man is moaning “oooh baby, it’s sooo good”.

It just doesn’t get any kinkier than this.

I suppose you could try this at home (even without allergies) using a bit of black pepper. Or, for the truly retro Victorian shopgirl experience, snuff.

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Although the softcore centerfold style of mainstream American magazine porn can sometims get old, it’s got just enough class to get some of the prettiest women in pornography, revealed in all their glory at a newstand near you. For some reason, I’ve always enjoyed the photos (like this one from Penthouse.com) featuring all-American girls taking off their blue jeans and revealing that they’ve been running around all day without any undies. Gina Austin does this very well:

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I’ve linked to the Alt.Sex.Stories Text Repository since the very first day ErosBlog went online. The sheer volume of free sex stories available there is mindboggling, and the diversity of subject matter is unlike any commercial text porn ever published. Last week, I noticed that the Kirsten Archives (one of the many collections hosted in the repository) featured ErosBlog as its “Momentary Link”. The traffic and recognition are appreciated, and so I’m returning the favor.

Here’s an excerpt from one of the Kirsten Archives stories, a little food fetish number called “Laura’s Banana“:

“Take your pants off,” Laura breathed. “Let me see your hard cock.”

With the two bananas sticking out of her snatch, Laura handed me a third, unpeeled this time.

“Stick it in me between the others.”

With one hand on my rock hard cock, I stuck the banana in with my other. Inch by inch, Laura’s cunt accepted it.

Laura was now calling for me to fuck her with it.

“Push it in farther; then pull it out, oh yes, that’s it, only harder.”

Desert island, this time. The chained beauty should help keep loneliness issues to a bare minimum:

From Bondage Blog.

Over on Donny’s Ramblings, softcore porn producer Donovan Phillips makes some suggestions for hard-core porn producers about things to include in hard-core porn. This one set me to to musing:

Kissing – doesn’t have to be lovey, dovey kissing. Some firm, “Oh my God I want to fuck you!” type kissing helps get the women I know going. The male shows some aggression but in an “I really fucking want you!” way instead of a “You’re my cum bucket” type way. Know what I mean?

I think that distinction between aggression and contempt is important. What’s with all the contempt for the talent in American porn, anyway? It’s possible, perhaps even normal, for people to enjoy depictions of sexual aggression, but I don’t really know all that many men who buy into the “cum bucket” contemptuousness and distaste. In my life to date, I’ve heard only one man actually utter that phrase in all seriousness, and he’s widely known to be an exceptional asshole. When I see pornography that buys into the whole adolescent large-talking locker room “bitch/whore/cunt/slut” foulness, I’m always tempted to assume that the pornographers in question are letting their own personal issues cloud their understanding of their market. Most men (all real men) can readily distinguish between sexual aggressiveness and sexual contempt. The former is good dirty fun in appropriate contexts, and often quite well appreciated by the women in question. The latter just leaves us thinking “What the fuck?!”