Bad bogus school girls have always been one of the funniest things in porn (especially in spanking movies) — hard-edged (or just very “grown up”) women in pigtails and short skirts, presented as student-aged with laughable implausibility. It’s a healthy joke in one sense, as it allows producers and consumers of “school girl” porn to do their thing without anyone having to worry that the ladies might actually be underaged.

All of which is by way of pointing out Spanking Blog has recently found two especially hilarious examples of the “laughably bad schoolgirl” genre:

Very Grown Up “Schoolgirl”

Obvious Porn Starlet “Schoolgirls”

Similar Sex Blogging:

• On The Attribution Of Naughty "Schoolgirls"
• Sandy The Schoolgirl
• Women's Lib, Circa 1976: Cane The Girls Too!

Remember Badger Badger Badger? This is like that, only for grownups: Animated Boobs.

It gets lonely out in the desert.

Don’t believe me? Just ask The Mad Greek and his real good friend Bunboy. They advertise!

Lately I’ve been seeing a lot of TV commercials for cosmetic preparations involving various powerful chemicals such that when a woman puts these preparations on her lips, her lips tingle and burn and then swell up as if she’s been smacked in the face. This is supposed somehow to make her more beautiful, I guess; nobody consulted me first. Anyway, having a dirty mind, my first thought on seeing one of those commercials was: I wonder how that would feel on her other lips.

Apparently some peoples’ minds run in the same direction as mine, if not necessarily in the same exact channel. One young lady has been experimenting:

The other day i bought a lip gloss called “lip venom” at Sephora after a friend recomended it. It’s a lip gloss thats like spicey and your lips get very cool/hot and tingly. That same day i gave my boyfriend a blowjob while wearing the lip gloss and he LOVED it. The feeling of it.

I’m going to be on the road a lot for the next couple of weeks, so blogging may be light. Since I’ll be driving some through farming country, I suppose it’s appropriate to leave you with more vintage photographs of nude women and livestock.

First, of course, we have the ever popular nude woman and her horse:

Nothing suprising there. But what the heck is going on in this next picture?

Lady, that’s a sheep on a chain, not a lingerie rack!

“Please let me know what camel toads are and how I might be able to tell if he is smoking, taking, or licking them.”

Your first clue, lady, would be the happy satisfied smile on his face….

It’s been a long time since I teased Halley, but I have to tease her now about her Ten Reasons Women Aren’t Sleeping In The Nude. I know she’s trying to explain rather than excuse, but still. I once had a girlfriend who (as things began to sour) started coming to bed wearing a huge full-body “sleeper” (like the ones little kids get zipped into, only without the feet) made out of thick flannel. Then, once she’d settled on the new man, but before she’d bothered to tell me about him, she bought a special blanket made out of rough waffle weave fabric (like thermal underwear only scratchier) and she’d wrap herself up in a cocoon in the scratchy blanket.

It didn’t help when I started to tease her about “setting the anti-submarine nets” while she was wrapping herself in the blanket.

Halley’s reasons for not being nude in bed, summarized and assesed by me:

1) Body self-consciousness. Assessment: Lame. We’ve invited you into our bed, we like your body well enough.

2) Wearing fancy undies. Assessment: Acceptable. We’ll be happy to help you take them off, though.

3) Risk of kids jumping into bed. Assessment: Acceptable. But not strictly necessary. Lots of kids have no problem with the idea that Mommy and Daddy don’t wear clothes in their bedrooom.

4) Don’t want to be nude in case of disaster. Assessment: Lame. Odds are too low.

5) Too many random folks in sleeping environment. Assessment: Acceptable. But fix it already! Or move. Or go naked anyway; it’s possible they will move if it bothers them.

6) Clothes required to be cozy in bed. Assessment: Ultra-lame. Get better bedding.

7) Too much touching when sleeping naked. Assessment: Now the truth comes out. That’s not a bug, it’s a feature. That’s why you should sleep naked. And that’s why your man may object if you won’t. Why are you sleeping with someone you don’t want touching you, anyway?

8) “It’s hard to keep your own hands off yourself sometimes.” LOL — welcome to our world. See above for assessment.

9) Arms get cold. Assessment: Lame. Again, get better bedding. Or snuggle.

10) Feels too libertine for our Puritan heritage. Assessment: Hah, you know that’s lame. Dare!

See, wearing clothes in bed is almost as crazy as wearing clothes to go swimming. No, wait, everybody does that… I’m so confused now.