Guys, a word to the wise: if your lady cajoles you into reading her blog, she’s going to want some nice juicy proof- you- were- paying- attention feedback. You’d do well to say something responsive like “My love, I never knew you felt so strongly about the erotic power of warm pasta. Would you like another serving of lasagna?”

If you can do better, do better.

But if you can’t, avoid the pitfall that has devoured Freya’s feller over at Freya’s House Of Dreams. She writes that he

…spent a few hours reading this blog from December to now, interesting discussion ensued, LOL. I asked him if he liked it and he said he did except for the parts about my thoughts and stuff.

She’s laughing now, but you know he’s still gonna pay.

Well. Where do I start? Apparently not with details on why I’ve been dying a slow death from internet withdrawal, since Aunty Violet says that’s a no-no (but it was SO like the end of a dysfunctional sex fling!). It’ll be a few days before I’m back up to full speed on this lovely big machine, so you can stop giving me looks like this:

It’s like he’s saying, “Where the hell you been, girl? I almost gave up on keeping my cock ready for you!” Definitely better than finding the lights on when you get back … :laugh:

Jon says Guys Are Not Crafty. Perhaps some of my female readers would argue, but this summary matches my own experience pretty closely:

The things we say don’t have secret meanings. Guys do one of three things. We either say what we mean, flat out lie or say nothing at all. There is no hidden meaning. We really are not that deep.

Here is an example. If a guy says “I am not horny tonight” it means one of two things:

1) “I am not horny tonight.”

2) “I am horny but I am lying just because sometimes guys are stupid and lie for no reason.”

Now to make sense of the difference, lets look at what a woman might mean:

1) “I am not horny tonight.”

2) “We are in a fight so I am cutting you off.”

3) “I know you will still try something and I want you to do all the work tonight.”

4) “I will tease you with sex until you promise to buy that necklace we saw today.”

5) “I am going to call my ex, I just went out with you for the free dinner.”

6) “I was horny until you kissed me with the same mouth that ate the peanut butter and mustard sandwich that disgusts me so much.”

Here’s fodder for the “penises are just a tool of oppression” crowd:

From Unintentionally Sexual Comic Book Covers. Also included: Spanking Superboy!

If you like playing “In The Dungeons Of The Inquisition” with your partner of choice, you’ll be impressed by this photograph from Water Bondage:

What caught my attention, after a moment’s thought, was the real-world dynamic of arranging to take this picture. Just exactly how trusted does a fetish photographer have to be, before his models will agree to an underwater bondage photo shoot? I don’t care how kinky you are or what the photo shoot pays: when the water closes over your head you’re going to want to have a lot of faith that the boys wearing the torturer’s cowls are paying close attention to your well-being.

Proof, if you need it, that there are still professions in the world where character and reputation matter.

Similar Sex Blogging:

• Girl Washing
• Sit And Spin With The Grownups
• Maria Tied And Showered
• Me Tarzan, Jane Not Happy
• Water Bondage: "Splish, Splash I Was Taking a Bath...."

I go to blog after blog, and it seems like today they are all discussing the new pope. I already turned off the TV because it was “all pope, all the time” on the news channels. Since I don’t have anything to add to that conversation, how about a dirty joke with a nun in it?

A cabbie picks up a nun. She gets into the cab, and the cab driver won’t stop staring at her. She asks him why is he staring and he replies, “I have a question to ask you, but I don’t want to offend you.”

She answers, “My dear son, you cannot offend me. When you’re as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I’m sure that there’s nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive.”

He says, “Well, I’ve always had a fantasy to have anal sex with a nun.”

She responds, “Well, I can probably help you with that. Are you single? And you must be Catholic.”

The cab driver is very excited and says, “Yes, I am single and I’m Catholic too!”

The nun says, “OK, pull into the next alley.”

He does and the nun fulfils his fantasy. But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying.

“My dear child, said the nun, why are you crying?” “Forgive me sister, but I have sinned. I lied, I must confess, I’m married and I’m Jewish.”

The nun says, “That’s OK. My name is Kevin, and I’m on my way to a Halloween party.”

Bad Kevin, bad!

Similar Sex Blogging:

• Sixty-Nine Lesbian Nuns
• The Handjob Sisters

That nice young man you know, who’s a great catch but never has a date? Apparently, no he’s not such a great catch after all. Philip Greenspun explains:

A friend trained in economics, let’s call her “Polly”, was over to the house for dinner last night. She asked if we knew anyone for a twentysomething friend of hers, let’s call him “Bunbury”, who worked a demanding software management job at a big software company. He was a “really nice guy” and she was perplexed that he couldn’t find someone. If someone at the table had said “there is a company traded on the NYSE that is really undervalued” she would have immediately hammered him with an explanation of the Efficient Market Hypothesis…. Applied to romance, the Efficient Market Hypothesis says that if the guy were actually worth dating one of the millions of women who live within a 30-mile radius of his house would have figured it out.

Fortunately for lonely people, economists live in a world of rational actors and ceteris paribus and all that. Me, I’m just glad nobody made this point to me back when I was single, else I (a believer in the Efficient Market Hypothesis) might have despaired before The Nymph came along.