This anecdote from My Neighbors Are Hoors sounds like something you’d catch a drunken sailor singing about:

I asked the taxi driver one last thing.

“Now,” says I. “I’ve heard a rumour of a one legged hoor down at the harbour. Is this true?”

I’ve heard this for a few years now and always thought it was just a rumour, but…

“Oh aye. There certainly is. Her ma wheels her down and leaves here there. She just sits with a short skirt and a bottle to keep her warm.”

What’s more, I’ll bet she makes the odd stump fetishist very happy.

Trust the fast food industry to find the solution to your little problem:

It might help to be, er, more than usually flexible.

Do you remember Annie Sprinkle’s schtick of showing off her cervix as a public service? So does The Educated Slut. She writes:

Just your average, ordinary Thursday night with Jane and Dacia. Guess who bought two pretty new specula?

There are, of course, photos.

Charges from RollerTrain apparently likes sticking her face right into the bee hive to lick the honey straight off the honeycomb frames, because she’s taken on the “angry young feministas” who disapprove of porn:

In the American porno bizz, blame pushing pisses me off like nothing else. … I don’t buy into victimhood when it boils down to American porn. Not here and not now. I have little sympathy for anyone who tries to score a profit without learning how to score it, especially when you’re trying to score off anything other than your mind.

When your goal is money, you better be damned sure of three things: You know what you’re getting into, you like what you’re getting into, and if the first two things don’t apply, you learn from your failures. Porn or not, we’ll always fuck up. But if you decide not to learn from your own mistakes, especially in something as simple as porn, you choose your victimhood.

Arguing that “porn victimizes the women who appear in it” disrespects and belittles the freedom of choice exercised by the women who appear in porn. I’d say that sort of infantalizing argument does more damage to women than porn could ever dream of doing.

No, really. I just found two blessedly short odes to spooge.

Enjoy.

Sure, there are lots of ways to not get laid. (Trust me, in my youth I practiced several.) But this method of replying to kinky personal ads has to rank WAY up there. “You eventually give me total access to your soul and I accept the responsibility as an honor….” Does that sound like a fellow who might be two people short of a threesome?

Thanks to Mistress Matisse for finding the link to total-access-man’s sarcastic tormenter.

I never dreamed that doing a sex blog could be so educational. The latest horizon broadened: ‘Sado-Botany’: A Nettle FAQ. Everything you always wanted to know about rubbing stinging nettles on people, but were afraid to ask. From Urtication: Sex and Nettles via Spanking Blog.

In the immortal words of the Defective Detective: “Wipes! Wipes!”