Carly at Pornblography quotes Earnest Greene:

Thirteen is the new eighteen, and has been for a decade. By 18, most young adults are already sexually active and have been for some time. Better nutrition and pediatric medicine have been steadily lowering the age of first menstruation among American girls to the current record-breaking average of age 11. It’s just preposterous to expect young people to remain sexually inactive for SEVEN YEARS after the onset of puberty.

Preposterous indeed, as I noted some time ago in a discussion about the merits of porn.

This morning at ErosBlog Central I was pouring my second cup of coffee when The Nymph began to wake up.

So I wandered over to the bed to kiss her. After that essential business was taken care of, I was standing by the bed, sipping my coffee, and watching her wake up as we made desultory conversation. (Also, I was amusing myself by tugging at the sheet she was attempting, fruitlessly, to cover herself with.)

I ask her: “So what do you want to do today?”

A: “I need to go to the store.”

Q: “Oh yeah? What for?” (Translation for aliens: “What items do you need to go to the store to get?”)

A: “I need a couple of items.”

Whereupon your researcher abandoned all further attempts to communicate with this alien via ordered sound waves. Instead, I rousted her from her nest by vigorous application of this essential tool to the bottoms of her feet.

She had it coming. No male jury would convict me.

Over at Smitten she writes about an event I’m always pleased to be present for — but what in the painted deserts of Barsoom is she talking about?

I can’t imagine why any of you boys like to look down.

1. Well, first there’s the whole breathing issue. If you have any luck at all with genetics or pills, she won’t be doing much of it through her mouth. Leaving only the nose for that overrated O2 exchange, I’d hope hers isn’t stopped up all of the time like mine is, as this will make her even shorter of breath. I find myself making little gasps every few moments, like when you are swimming underwater and you come up to the surface for just a split-second before you go back under. Sexy, eh?
2. Then, of course, there’s the suction. Let’s say you’re really enjoying a lollipop, and you pull it from your mouth quickly (like when you have to gasp for air), it makes almost a popping noise from the pressure released.
3. Additionally, your mouth waters, since you have likely activated your digestive system by putting something in your mouth, and taking quick breaths with a watery mouth makes that’s right slurping noises.
4. And let’s not forget the gag reflex; the majority of us who are not ‘independent art film actresses’ still have one. When I gag, my whole body lurches a little, forward, which causes, that’s right more gagging.
5. Plus, there’s the crying. I have the most sensitive eyes in the world, I cry when I laugh, I cry when I’m mad, and I find little tears forming when I’m working really really hard at pulling a golf ball through a garden hose. Sometimes they even spill over. In joy, of course, pure joy. Eventually all of this effort, and crying, will loosen something in my nasal passage, and I will begin to sniffle.

Given all the gasping, suction noises, slurping, lurching, gagging, crying and sniffling, you really have one indelicate and kind of gross girl kneeling in front of you. But you boys never seem to mind.

1. Gasping. Sexy. This is news?
2. Suction noises. Sexier. Sex noise is always hot.
3. Slurping. This is supposed to be a catalog of undesirables?
4. Gagging. OK, not sexy. But the lurching? We thought you were just lunging forward so you could fit more in your mouth. That’s sexy. 
5. Crying. Haven’t seen this one. (I’m imagining six macho guys out there saying “Dude, you never made her cry? You must have a tiny wiener.”)

Mind? What’s to mind?

Speaking of pretty eyes and smile:

Found this on Usenet. Don’t you just love the cute turn-of-the-century ringlets?

Lately Fleshbot has been all over (if you will pardon the expression) the fake celebrity facial photos genre. First they linked to Project Barkley, and now they’ve found another resource (which alas seems to be staggering under the load just now).

Although semen on a woman’s face is not really my thing, I’m enough of a fun-minded pervert to understand the appeal of the fake celebrity angle. After all, doesn’t Willow seem more approachable when you see her with “your” own cum dribbling from her lips? And who wouldn’t enjoy those gorgeous eyes and that smile under similar circumstances? A man would have to be dead.

I do have to wonder, though, how the celebrities in question feel about it. Yeah, I know, they are well paid and richly compensated in other ways by the popularity which nominates them for this particular indignity, but these are still real human beings with husbands and boyfriends and maiden aunties and little brothers and other such folk in their lives who might find this sort of imagery disturbing.

I’m not going to lose any sleep over it, but we now live in a world where your face and mine and Britney’s are all equally fair game — raw material for whatever digital mix might amuse a fickle public. Already you know that high school boys are circulating “photos” like this in the locker room, starring the homecoming queen and the entire cheerleading squad kneeling in a sticky row. How long until you can beam a mugshot of your cutest co-worker from your phone cam to your DVD player, which will cheerfully paste her facial features onto the lithe body of Vivid’s latest superstar porn model?

You don’t know about goatse.cx? Or tubgirl? You lucky innocent. Move along, nothing to see here.

However, if you want to know all about it, without actually having to lose your breakfast by coming face to face with the images, the Wikipedia people have the straight dope on goatse.cx, tubgirl, and similar shocksites.

And that, boys and girls, is the best argument for the open encyclopedia project I’ve ever seen. Can you imagine a dead-tree commercial publisher compiling or sharing that information?

That nasty little amphibian is at it again:

No wonder Miss Piggy always seems so jealous!