Here’s a pretty picture of “that infamous crime against nature”:

One of ’em, anyway.

Not my rant, I fear. But Violet Blue (whom I haven’t linked to in far too long) recently wrote a well-reviewed book about fellatio, and wonders thusly about the negative reviews from an unexpected quarter:

Why the hell are Christians reading my fellatio book, and even stranger, what unholy ghost possesses them to write bad reviews about it on Amazon? Like, duh — my book is about a very dirty sex act (the dirtier the better) and the content is… offending them! I can only guess that the book was recommended on some Christian messageboard, the ladies thought, well I spend a lot of time on my knees, why not make Jesus a happy man, and bought the book (I’ll take that money, thank you very much. No, no — don’t give it to the Family Values Coalition, give it to the cute girl with glasses who likes to write about sucking cock). Then they read the book and realized that to suck a cock, you need either a) another nice Christian lady with a (preferably huge) black strap-on cock, or b) a real, non-imaginary man (unlike Jesus). But seriously, in the book I don’t judge anyone’s preferences about anything — religion, sexual activity, gender, predisposition to get really wet imagining Mike Ditka throwing that football through the tire swing talking about erections while clutching my fellatio book cleverly camouflaged in a paper bag bookcover with the word “BIBLE” scrawled on the cover and “Jesus is really hot.” No, I judge not. Even I think Jesus deserves a really rockin’ blowjob. And doesn’t he have like a million volunteers for the task?

Been busy here but having good fun. So I’ll steal these links from Daze: Mind Blowing Cunnilingus I and Mind Blowing Cunnilingus II.

More detailed and entertaining than the usual run of articles of this sort. Now for some testing….

Since Aimee asked, an update. The Nymph gets here tonight. As far as I’m concerned, today is Valentine’s Day, not yesterday.

And now, if you will excuse me, I need to go excavate a closet for her, and do what I can to sweep away the more uncivilized bits of evidence of my erstwhile bachelor existence. Like, you know, anything that involves live mold colonies.

Life is good. And getting better.

Sasha responds in her Love Bites column to a question about playing with hot wax. After some quick practical advice (no beeswax, best to use small white candles you can get a precise grip on, that sort of thing), she begins to get creative:

I was also curious about the wax people use to do their bikini lines and legs. Hmmm… how would that feel dribbled on the ass cheeks and other delicate areas, then ripped off? Kind of a reverse spanking. Delicious! So I got out the Test Buttocks and the Andrea Warm Wax Kit and experimented to see what happens.

Three hours later: OK, seriously you guys, BEST GAME EVER. I don’t like to quantify things this way, but I am going to put this in my top 10 sex experiences of all time. Not only is the hot-wax-dripping part of this exciting (you get excellent control with the small spatulas provided, and the wax is a beautiful teal green that goes pearly when it dries), but the tearing is apparently, for those who like this kind of pain, perfection. Tips: put the pot of hot wax on a plate to avoid a mess, hold the plate above the victim and start the dripping from a high level to establish thresholds. The wax can also be reused, but you may find certain impressions it makes lovely mementoes.

You’ve just got to love a sex advice columnist who keeps a set of “Test Buttocks” handy.

Naw, that’s putting it too gently. Redwhore is probably dreaming. She writes:

Together, B and K make this enticing pair. In public, I am convinced that others look at us and assume they’re partners, because it’s rare to have such male beauty (booty) in the same place.

I’m trying to convince them both that it’s ok for me to rub their cocks at the same time and perhaps let the cocks touch for a quick pic…seriously…my TONGUE will be in it, for God’s sake! But they each just laugh at this and say (in the same, Alpha-male way): “Umm, NOT happenin’!”

I contend that if I sign a non-publish disclaimer and demand it as what I want, what I need!…they might give it up. I’m hopeful. The contrast of black and pink cock is just too sweet.

It’s that Alpha-male thing, Red. You know, that thing you like about them? I’m not saying you can’t make it happen, but that would be the way to bet. In any case, your (doubtless considerable) powers of persuasion are in for a workout.

This delicious confection is by artist Raul Fernandez, who captions it “Carmela completes another of her cream-filled concoctions….”

Happy Valentine’s Day!