Two Sexes Divided By A Common Language
Here are some observations about communication between the sexes, from this essay at Wired Tales:
“Don’t stay up too late” is often a simple expression of concern that we get enough sleep. “How soon are you coming to bed?” means “I want you there while I’m still awake.” Don’t say it if that isn’t what you mean.
Don’t make us think too hard about “codes” like this. “I’m going to turn in early” could mean you had a hard day and you’re legitimately exhausted. If you want us there too, you have to ask, “Are you coming?”
On second thought, screw subtlety. Just grab our dick. That’s unmistakable.
“If you want to.” When we say it, we genuinely care whether you want to. We know that sometimes you don’t, and sometimes we can’t tell. However, we always want to; we think it’s obvious that we want to; and we assume you are aware of that. So when you say “I will if you want to”, we think it can’t possibly be meant at face value: we think you’re really saying that you don’t really want to, that you’re going to endure it for our benefit, and that you’re setting us up for you not having any fun. So when it goes wrong (as it inevitably will, if you don’t want to), then it’s our fault. We hate that.
…
“Unzip me?” I’ve never understood this. Do you genuinely need help getting out of your clothes? Why would you wear clothes you couldn’t get out of?Helping you out of your clothes is a form of foreplay. Don’t ask us to help you undress unless you’re going to let us fuck you–or unless you genuinely are stuck / tangled in your clothes.
