“Good Training”

You know those buff military-looking guys who are always going out in the woods. A lot of time they’re even on the government payroll when they do it. They say it’s for “military exercises” or “a training retreat” or “team building exercises” or something sensible-sounding like that. But what are they really doing out there in the woods, where there are no women and the normal rules don’t apply?

You know it — they’re playing capture games. Chasing, hiding, ambushing, wrestling, winning, losing, stripping, getting tied up:

And yeah, the losers pay quite a forfeit too. You know exactly what I mean. Funny thing is, they tell themselves this is not gay. To them, it’s just how you tell the winners and losers apart.

Picture credits: Bound Gods. More in this shoot.

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“Some Gay For You, Little Man”

One of the perils of playing MMORPGs as a grownup is that they’ll let any random 14-year-old riff-raff into those things. And sure, you can choose your associations, but eventually you’ll wind up in a guild or corp or whatever with some too-young boys who are annoying as fuck. They typically don’t last — not if you’ve chosen a good band of brothers to run with — but they do come before they go.

My latest cross to bear in my favored internet spaceship game is a guy who is so young, he still thinks “gay” is the cool all-purpose negative adjective. He loses a fight? Gay. The other guy runs from a fight? Gay. They patch the game in a way he doesn’t like? Gay. A game item doesn’t have the stats he thinks it should? Gay.

Gay. Gay. Gay. Every third sentence. Gay.

Last night I told gay-fixated-boy “I don’t think that word means what you think it means.” Classical movie reference. Totally before his time. Went right over his head. Gay.

So I found myself totally wanting to rickroll him with some real gayness. I didn’t do it though; I’m not sure if he’s a legal adult or not, and the players are expected to support this particular game’s “T for Teen” rating even if it is boldly disclaimed that “Online Interactions Not Rated by the ESRB.”

But I figured, you know, something from Bound Gods. Maybe something like this:

Gay. Totally. 100% organically-grown San-Francisco-certified pure gay. But not, I think, what this boy has in mind.

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Lift Those Weights Or Else

If there were ever going to be a gay bondage porn version of The Biggest Loser, it might look something like this:

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Now That’s A Stress Position!

This is another fine demonstration of that ancient truism that, if you take the world’s horrors and turn them over to the artists and pornographers to play with, they’ll improve on them and turn them into something fun. (At least, they will if you’ve got a sufficiently flexible definition of “fun”.) For an example, consider this dank and anonymous prison “stress position” as implemented by the clever pornographers at Bound Gods:

Considering the helpless exposure of the position, it might also be a snapshot from the secret fears (or, maybe, fantasies?) of that boorish guy you know, the one who is always making stupid and nervous jokes about not dropping the soap, whenever the topic of somebody going to prison comes up in conversation. Show him this kind of gay porn? There’s no telling what he’ll do.

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