Three In A Tub

This seems like a very jolly bathtime that anyone would be proud to have been invited to attend:

Apparently it’s a scene from the 1988 movie Nightmare Sisters, featuring Michelle Bauer, Brinke Stevens and Linnea Quigley.

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Pool Party!

Is it summer yet? Because I want to go to this pool party:

Via Kinky Delight.

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Softporn Adventure: “Women! Erotica! Derelicts!”

The eBay seller who posted this auction may indeed, as @textfiles tweeted, be suffering from enjoying a very strong dose of “hope and wishes” if you go by his $3k asking price. But 5¼” floppy-disk porn from 1981, for the Atari 400/800? That’s relevant to our interests here at ErosBlog:

The seller captions the hot-tubbing cover art thusly:

This is the text adventure that inspired the Leisure Suit Larry series released by Sierra.

That’s Roberta Williams on the right, In the center is the wife of Bob Davis (creator of Ulysses), and on the left was On-Line’s bookkeeper.

Let’s look at the back of the box. I remember that funky font (what font is that?) very well, because Sierra Online was still using it when I entered the market for computer games just a couple of years after this was published:

SOFTPORN ADVENTURE

This delightful game has more features than most adventures.

The computer program creates a fantasy world, complete with objects, different areas, and everything else one would expect plus descriptions are full paragraphs (stored on disk) and several new twists and surprises are included. You, the player, have a “puppet” who’s identity you adopt for the game. Your objective? Find and seduce 3 girls!

As in real life, meeting this challenge is not an easy task. It requires money (which you must win at the casino); you must be creative in approaching your women; and there are many dangers to avoid and puzzles to be soled. The subject matter is ssuch that adult males should find this game quite interesting. Others may too — but be forewarned!

— over 48k of actual program memory plus another 48k of text (stored on disk)

— a CASINO, complete with a slot machine, and a blackjack table!

— the ability to SAVE a GAME in progress

— WOMEN! EROTICA! DERELICTS! BOOZE! and MUCH MORE!!!

Last but not least, what’s inside the box?

I’m posting this here because the auction link will be dead (and the pictures gone) in two or three months, but this artifact is worth preserving. As an added bonus, if you’re got a standard “in my day we had to walk through the snow to school, up hill both ways” lecture, now you can profitably add this to it. When your children whine to you about the poor quality of online pornography these days, you can link them to this post and say “Daughter, you think it’s bad now, this is what computer porn looked like when I was your age!”

Update: Of course I wrote this blog post without Googling one damned thing. Which was, as it always is, a mistake. It turns out (see the comments, thanks Jason!) that Jason Scott (the @textfiles guy whose tweet set me off) actually interviewed Chuck Benton about this title for his (Jason’s) epic documentary about text adventures called Get Lamp. A summary of the interview is here and if you scroll all the way down, you’ll be rewarded with a bunch of file links including executable files for the game for several different platforms.

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Volunteers To Play The Duck?

If you were that duck, you could be hot tubbing with Mia Farrow and Elizabeth Taylor:

Found here.

It reminds me of a song popular in my youth:

“Oh, I wish I was a little bar of soap,
Oh, I wish I was a little bar of soap,
I’d go slippy-slippy slimey
over everyone’s behiney —
Oh, I wish I was a little bar of soap.”

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Hot Tubbing In The Castle Of Kink

Following neatly from my last post which mentioned the “castle of kink” maintained by Kink.com in the Old Armory building in San Francisco, Mistress Matisse (who went down to San Francisco to do a shoot) painted a delightful (if somewhat surreal) word picture of what it was like to spend the night there. This is not the jacuzzi in the infamous Grotto at the Playboy Mansion, that’s for sure!

I want you to imagine an enormous warehouse. Huge. Big enough to comfortably house, say, a DC-9. It might be even bigger, but the bare bulbs hanging from the ceiling only dimly illuminate the raw and rather dirty walls and concrete floor, so the furthest corners simply fade into unmeasurable blackness.

There’s some detritus here and there — pallets, tarps, boxes — but it’s mostly empty, except for four cars parked in the center of the room, and in one far corner, an RV. A gallery runs around the perimeter of the room, at second-floor height. The lights don’t reach it, so it’s impossible to see what — or who — is up there.

And in one corner of this vast, chilly room, there’s a hot tub. And in that hot tub, quite alone, and naked, is me — lounging against the jets and smiling to myself at the oddity of it. Here I am, in what is arguably the kinkiest place in town, and I am engaged in that most vanilla of all the pseudo-sexy experiences, hot-tubbing. Alone. Edgy, huh? Not so much.

I am choosing to ignore the fact that there is a security camera nearby, and there is a security guard sitting, with a bank of screens in front of him, just a few hundred feet away from me. He’s around a corner, out of sight, but there is no door between us. But what the hell – if the camera is on, and he sees me – well then, he sees me. It seems silly to cavil, when after tomorrow, he’ll be able to very easily buy much better quality images of me. (However, he has been strictly polite and professional to me, not so much as a flicker of anything else, even when we had to go exploring together to find this hot tub. He himself was unaware that it here, and while his English seems fluent enough, he literally did not know the meaning of the phrase “hot tub”. He seemed a little confused even when I pulled off the cover and showed it to him, splashing my hand in the water. But he shrugged and left me to it.)

Soon I will get out, dry myself, and go up the stairs and down the long hallway to the little dormitory-style room I was assigned and go to bed. My shoot doesn’t begin too early, but I have a feeling the building will come to life tomorrow morning and be a very different place than the silent, echoing place it is now.

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