Surviving The Porn Industry

This is Lydia Lee, formerly known as Julie Meadows, on how how she survived the porn industry:

I got into porn to be apart of an interesting, odd entertainment group; to fulfill my rebelliousness; to take care of my family; to learn about sex; to travel and live a bit wild and wistful. I never once walked into a job with the thought that I had to do the job. I reserved a place deep inside for my own peace of mind; a mantra, really. “I don’t have to do anything I don’t want to do.” No amount of money is worth walking away feeling broken. So what if you don’t get paid? The money will present itself in another opportunity.

To be honest, the worst part of having been a porn star is feeling I have to apologize for my choices. Nothing makes me feel dirtier, more demeaned; my humanity undermined and soul crippled, than feeling like I have to say, “I shouldn’t have gotten into porn.” That’s a low, sub-human feeling. I was burned by a friend a few years ago and in my hurt, I said that I wished I hadn’t gotten into porn. I felt alien to myself. The words and thoughts disgusted me so much I have never uttered them again. I am not sad or ashamed that I got into porn. I am sad and ashamed when I allow people into my life that don’t appreciate me for who I am and the wealth of experience I have to offer. Nothing disgusts me more than people who try to manipulate my feelings to change my thinking.

Talking To Trolls

Julie Meadows is obviously a better person than I am, or at least she has a greater reserve of patience and humanitarian goodwill. I myself wouldn’t even dream of trying to engage the spewers of filth in the comments at YouTube; on her blog, she not only engages them, but tries to help them. Example:

I get it, I get it, you’re angry, you hate all “whores”, and like so many other underage people with angst, you’re taking out your frustations by bullying people on YouTube. What is it with YouTube and angry boys? The videos? The opportunity to be entertained and annoy? I will say a kind word to you, but I can’t go into too much detail because I can see from your homepage that you bully/spam comment lots of people, so you obviously weren’t just targeting the Bobbi Starr Interviews.

…

If you were my son I’d say this… Relax. People will always confuse you and make you mad and make you want to strike out, but you’ll get a lot farther by being kind, and it will make you feel better, too. Whatever it is that pains you, whatever difficult thing you’re going through, you can e-mail me. Maybe I can give you some good advice. You’re probably a good kid, you just have too much on your mind and parents that are not very attentive due to their own daily distractions. Relax. There’s nothing wrong with good-looking women who have sex whenever they want with whomever they want. If the problem is that they’re not having sex with you, give it some time and work on your people skills. You think too much. Besides, if you don’t change your attitude at some point, you’ll be buying time from these women, so you’d do well to start liking them now.

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