“…Your Broomstick Has Stains On It”

The alternatively-religioned among you (and heck, anybody else with a sense of humor) will enjoy Lilith’s “You know you’re a horny Pagan if…” list, complete with a lovely photo illustration starring the author:

You Know You’re A Horny Pagan If…

… your magick wand vibrates
… your candles are spherical and come in sets of 2
… your magickal oils are flavored
… you think all magick is sex magic
… your altar has silk sheets
… your chalice is fur-lined (think about it)
… your altar candles are anatomically correct
… your binding rituals involve handcuffs
… your magic wands have French ticklers on the ends
… your High Priest/ess wears a leather mask
… the wax from your candles ends up on your nipples
… you consider KY Jelly an altar tool
… your chants contain phrases like “Oh my God/dess!”, “I’m coming!”, or “You’re gonna stick that where?!”
… you’re skyclad all the time
… your broomstick has stains on it
… the white stuff on your altar candles isn’t wax
… your book of shadows includes the Kama Sutra
… you have a cigarette after every ritual
… your ceremonial/ritual candles are studded
… your ritual robes look like a French Maid costume
… you’re reading from “Everything you ever wanted to know about Paganism but…”
… your ritual music is sung by Madonna
… you find yourself using a phallic symbol to call down the gods several times a night
… you ask a Satanist if you can just “borrow” a
sacrificial animal fist
… you start having “cyber” rituals
… you keep having to charge the batteries in
your wand
… you have Fertility Rites a couple times a
week, and twice on Sabbats
… you automatically kneel every time your High Priest/ess comes in the room

Similar Sex Blogging:

• A Sacrifice To The Great Pumpkin
• Witches, Riding
• A Witch On Her Broom
• Modern Fertility Rituals
• Speaking of Horny Gamers