Lust And Respect

I’ve described my goal here at ErosBlog as blogging about sex and porn with an unapologetic, unabashed male gaze … while striving not to be a complete dickhead about sex, about women, about porn models, about sex workers. The degree to which I succeed may be debatable, but I’ve never felt a lustful-yet-respectful male gaze was an impossible or unreasonable goal. I’m aware, yes, of a political camp that equates gaze with disrespect, or with objectification that in its own turn is equated with disrespect — but as a political matter, I categorically reject those views, and attempt to refute them, by example, to the best of my ability.

So you’ll appreciate the fascination with which I read this from Miss Maggie Mayhem:

The young man I pass who looks me up and down and gives me a sincere smile and eye contact does not have the same intentions as the car filled with young men matching my pace and shouting at me as I walk down the street. Respect is not indicated by abstaining from a sexual gaze. Respect is recognizing the fact that it might not be mutual and being alright with that and not acting in a way that imposes it on another human being against their own desire and autonomy. To say that you shouldn’t ever look at a stranger across the room and get turned on is to say that you shouldn’t ever fall in love at first sight.

You preach it, sister!

Loving Kink.com

I’ve long maintained that a responsible porn consumer should pay attention — when possible — to the business and employment practices of the people who make the porn. Not all pornographers are created equal. And who has a better view than their models?

Thus it is that I enjoy hearing from models at Kink.com (a long-time ErosBlog favorite), especially when they confirm my own prejudices. (Can there be any human pleasure more sweet than having cherished notions confirmed?)

You can imagine, therefore, the twin delights I experienced when I stumbled over the excellent blog by Miss Maggie Mayhem (how have I missed it?) and found the following paragraph under the heading Things I loved: 2009:

Kink.Com has been one place that feels more and more like home for me every time I visit. Working for their sites means being well cared for by intelligent people who are all passionate about sexuality. Not once did my request for a condom get snubbed or looked down upon, not once did my need for a break result in a sneer, and there was always a friendly production assistant ready with a fuzzy robe and a hug. When you get your porn from Kink.Com you’re getting it from good people who treat their models with respect. I was very happy to work with them throughout 2009 and I look forward to many more years and shoots there.

Image credit: The Training of O.

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