This Mineral Is Not For Fucking
Wednesday, May 11th, 2016 -- by Bacchus
So it seems a lot of Tumblr is having a merry time discussing the fuckability of this mineralogical sample, to wit, a polished stalactite composed (more or less) of solid malachite:
You pretty much have to go read the whole thread. There’s some back and forth about whether malachite (which is a copper mineral) is toxic (conclusion: not really) but ultimately the real problem turns out to be that it dissolves pretty well under vagina conditions and in solution, the copper is not good for vaginal microbiota:
Ok so here’s the thing though
Malachite is not poisonous to YOU. BUT fucking this stalactite will probably wreck your vaginal flora and leave you with a gruesome infection within a couple days.
Want details? SO GLAD YOU ASKED, ‘CAUSE HERE THEY ARE.
– Malachite is not copper oxide. It’s Cu2CO3(OH)2. Like most carbonates it’s water soluble— that’s how it became a stalactite in the first place! And technically any given chunk of “malachite” isn’t just malachite— it’s a mix of various copper carbonates & oxides. This will become important later.
– When malachite dissolves it makes a bunch of copper (Cu++) ions. Cu++ is GREAT at killing bacteria and fungi— so good at it that sprays with Cu++ get used a lot as a spray in agriculture to stop plant disease. It takes such a large dose to harm larger organisms that copper sprays are used a lot in organic agriculture (like Bordeaux mixture).
So bottom line, yes malachite is technically nontoxic to humans. But it kills bacteria when it dissolves and releases Cu++.
– Malachite dissolves somewhat slowly in water— but vaginal secretions aren’t just any water. A healthy human vagina has a pH of 3.8-4.5 and a salinity of about 0.9%. It’s also warmer than your average underground cave at 37°C (or 98.5°F in American meat units). As luck would have it, acidity, salinity, and warmth all make malachite dissolve faster.
– In other words, the human vagina dissolves malachite.
– I have no deeper explanation for why human females can dissolve rocks with our genitals. It simply is.
The conversation continues. We may yet learn more!
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