This Mineral Is Not For Fucking

So it seems a lot of Tumblr is having a merry time discussing the fuckability of this mineralogical sample, to wit, a polished stalactite composed (more or less) of solid malachite:

You pretty much have to go read the whole thread. There’s some back and forth about whether malachite (which is a copper mineral) is toxic (conclusion: not really) but ultimately the real problem turns out to be that it dissolves pretty well under vagina conditions and in solution, the copper is not good for vaginal microbiota:

Ok so here’s the thing though

Malachite is not poisonous to YOU. BUT fucking this stalactite will probably wreck your vaginal flora and leave you with a gruesome infection within a couple days.

Want details? SO GLAD YOU ASKED, ‘CAUSE HERE THEY ARE.

– Malachite is not copper oxide. It’s Cu2CO3(OH)2. Like most carbonates it’s water soluble— that’s how it became a stalactite in the first place! And technically any given chunk of “malachite” isn’t just malachite— it’s a mix of various copper carbonates & oxides. This will become important later.

– When malachite dissolves it makes a bunch of copper (Cu++) ions. Cu++ is GREAT at killing bacteria and fungi— so good at it that sprays with Cu++ get used a lot as a spray in agriculture to stop plant disease. It takes such a large dose to harm larger organisms that copper sprays are used a lot in organic agriculture (like Bordeaux mixture).

So bottom line, yes malachite is technically nontoxic to humans. But it kills bacteria when it dissolves and releases Cu++.

– Malachite dissolves somewhat slowly in water— but vaginal secretions aren’t just any water. A healthy human vagina has a pH of 3.8-4.5 and a salinity of about 0.9%. It’s also warmer than your average underground cave at 37°C (or 98.5°F in American meat units). As luck would have it, acidity, salinity, and warmth all make malachite dissolve faster.

– In other words, the human vagina dissolves malachite.

– I have no deeper explanation for why human females can dissolve rocks with our genitals. It simply is.

The conversation continues. We may yet learn more!

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Porn From Mesopotamia

This Mesopotamian porn from 4000 years ago (1500 years before the Kama Sutra!) is via The Times Of Israel:

Two clay plaques, small enough to hold in your palm, depict couples copulating in remarkable detail. Dating from the early second millennium BCE, the Old Babylonian period, they come from a 300-year window when mass-produced terra cotta plaques were popular, including those that exhibit sexual acts.

Mesopotamian erotica was “really something racy,” Laura A. Peri, curator of Western Asiatic Antiquities, said when we met in the labyrinthine bowels of the museum. “It’s not all, you know, missionary and that’s it.”

…

The terra cotta plaques from Mesopotamia yield numerous different sexual positions, but one of the most popular was what’s referred to technically by the Latin: coitus a tergo — from behind. While erotic Mesopotamian art doesn’t detail a specific means of entry, anal sex was deemed a popular means of contraception by ancient couples before the invention of prophylactics. The depiction of couples engaging in rear entry may be indicative of that practice. Other plaques show partners side-by-side, standing up (aka lleváme) and plain old missionary; some depict women with legs spread, squatting over a comically large phallus.

That the erotic clay plaques were found in temples, graves and private homes makes it difficult to generalize about their intended use, but is testament to their popularity. That excavators found the erotic artwork in high-traffic rooms of homes leads Assante to infer that they were accessible to men, women and children.

“It’s a kind of pop art, because it’s very cheap material and easy to make,” curator Peri said. She explained that sexuality was very prominent in ancient Sumerian and Babylonian art and literature, particularly in the late-third and early-second millennia.

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