A Basic Rule For Gentlemen
The other night The Nymph and I were watching an episode of Sex in The City (third season I believe) in which Samantha was stressing about menopause until, to her relieved delight, she began to bleed all over the sheets of her penis-of-the-week. The sheets, of course, were some sort of satin ten-thousand thread count jobs made from select hand-combed tufts of fur from angora rabbits fed on milk and honey by consecrated virgins. The owner of the sheets (and the penis) was accordingly quite pissy with Samantha, causing me to wisecrack that a gentleman never bitches about what a lady (or any other woman) might leave on his sheets.
Only apparently it wasn’t a wisecrack. Apparently there are actually men in the world who need to be told this.
Brad from Dirty Questions writes:
One night I was at a party and met a super sweet girl. We hit it off, left the party to go out for drinks, and ended up going back to my place. The next morning I took her to her car and as I was saying goodbye she decided to break some news to me.
…
“I thought I was done with my period last night. I wasn’t. I’m really sorry and I’ll buy you new sheets.”
…
It’s got to be really hard to tell someone you’ve only known for 12 hours that you bled all over their bedding. Of course, she neglected to tell me that not only did she bleed on my sheets, but my featherbed and the cover for it and the sweatpants she borrowed.
…
Should I have made her cough up the $214 for a replacement feather bed from Eddie Bauer (that’s where the original was from)? Or was buying me replacement sheets enough?
Enough? Enough? Arrgggg! This “super sweet girl” graces your bed, and you’re fussing about a $214 article of bedding?
The gracious thing to do would be to minimize the situation and reassure the poor girl. “The sheets? Pshaw! I have a dozen more just like them. Don’t mention it. Anyway, I have a laundryman who’s an absolute wizard. Besides, the exuberant pleasure of your company has made me entirely too happy this morning to worry about mere trifles like bedding. Now, what would you like for breakfast?”
I can no more imagine dunning a lover for the costs of ruined bedding than I can imagine sending her a bill for the wine she drank in my kitchen. Sorry old chap, it’s just not done, eh?
This is not just archaic or sexist courtesy. Gentlemen, this is strategic. Women, Zeus love ’em, emit at various times from their juicier parts an entertaining variety of fluids, smells, and flavors. And they tend to be freaked as hell about it, which means they are always washing, swabbing, denaturalizing, sterilizing, and fumigating themselves with soaps and perfumes strong enough kill an entire flock of peregrine falcons passing three city blocks away. If you like the scent or taste of any of a woman’s natural juices, you’ll be smart and shut the hell up about any you don’t like. “Blood? What blood? I didn’t see any blood.” The last thing you ever want to do is encourage, acknowledge, or reinforce a woman’s self-consciousness. In sticky situations, it’s your solemn duty to make her laugh and then change the subject real quick.
Shorter URL for sharing: http://www.erosblog.com/?p=822
Amen! I heartily agree with that, but it should be amended that if the woman is insistent and wants to repay you, denying her after your initial wave off may cause her discomfort for the fact you aren’t letting her repay you. So just be aware.
Oh YEAH!!! I’ve had guys that couldn’t wait to wipe lovejuice off their cocks, nevermind that alot of it is theirs. I know it ain’t dirty, but that doesn’t make seeing them do that any better.
My current guy has never done this, never even ASKED if I’m on my period, we just do it when we want to. Needless to say, he gets plenty. And we both clean up whatever messes we make. :)
Okay, women of the world (men too), repeat after me:
Cold water take out blood stains, hot water sets them.
The fresher the stain the better this works.
My mom taught me this as one of the essential parts of getting my period.
Good to know corset, ty for the info.
In this day and age, sharing costs is a common thing. She’s done her part by offering to replace the sheets, he should suck it up and replace the rest. I bet she didn’t know she’d ruined the other items, or she’d probably offer to replace them too. The featherbed is a big ticket item, the cover perhaps is a bity pricey also.
But a pair of sweatpants?
Thank you Bacchus for your response to this (somewhat sticky ahem) issue; I am very impressed by your open-mindedness, respectfulness and ease in approaching this topic.
It’s really nice to know that there are some guys out there willing to look the other way – and attain a level of maturity regarding these matters; sadly it seems there are still a lot of men who are not…
And how come no-one is mentioning the plus-side of periods: which is that (mostly) they make women super-fucking-horny and any man encountering such lady will get the fuck of his life?
Or is it just me then…?
Girl
So well said. You’re a real man.
Thanks. We need to hear this occasionally.
I more or less agree with Bacchus on this.
I also like what juicy pussy said. But, do some guys really rush to wipe themselves off afterwards – I can’t conceive of anyone ever being so gross. Amazing. How does a guy like that ever get to bed with a woman in the first place?
Seems to me that blood on the sheets is a very intimate thing and when it happens, as it surely will at some time, a woman can feel very vulnerable. Any man worthy of being called a man would find the appropriate way to handle it, which may well be all the things that Bacchus suggests.
If Brad is wondering about getting the money then I think he needs a course in how to behave with a bit more class.
what I don’t understand is why more men don’t have the attitude of pride when it comes to sex-related stains. I mean, you wash the sheets out and then any stain left is certainly not gross in any way. it’s just colorful. and it could be a matter of pride? like a battle scar?
I’ll bet more guys (fuckin chauvanists) are like that when the blood is the result of a torn hymen… but it’s blood either way right?
when it comes down to it, semen is way grosser than blood. guy’s just need to suck it up. literally.
Bless your kind words Bacchus, for years I was haunted and embarrassed by such a slip up. These days I count the days better but still I’ve never forgotten the humiliation I felt when that man was upset with the small mess we made. To this day I avoid sex during that time, unless my partner make it very clear he is totally ok with it. Adult men are not squeamish about a bit of blood, and if they are they aren’t men yet.
Who said gentlemen were dead? Three cheers for Bacchus!
Women are sexy. Period.
(or no period)
While I agree with Bacchus for the most part, gentlemen who are in a poly relationship and using their primary’s bed for extra-curricular activities should be a little more aware when the lady in question happens to be in the middle of their period. My ex-husband brought home his girlfriend one afternoon and had a romp with her in our bed, which didn’t bother me. However, he neglected to put down anything to keep blood stains from getting everywhere, since she was in the middle of her period, and was always a fairly heavy flow (which he knew). I got the bed and mattress set in the divorce – along with the set-in bloodstains that he refused to clean out… To me, that’s not being polite, that’s being careless and rude.
I wouldn’t dream of asking a woman for money for such a thing.He took 50% of the responsibility for anything that happend as soon as she hit the bed.
I’d definitely would replace the feather bed though.I wouldn’t want my housekeeper bringing the cops around to ask where I had buried the body.
Thanks Bacchus.
i think some Men forget that while their sheets might have some sort of residue, it’s the girl taking a little extra away from the encounter INSIDE her body. If anyone had a right to be grossed out, well, heh. i love sperm, but really, a little perspective is nice.
You are awesome, Bacchus. Nymph is one lucky girl.
wow u’r the man! actually the expensive bed stuff shld be replaced b4 the action begins.. anyway i’m sooo proud of u!!
God bless you. There should be more of you on this planet.
I think if it were me leaving the stains, I’d want to help clean them up. While I would also have more sense than to think I needed to buy entirely new bedding (wingedcorset’s quite right about how to get blood out, and it usually works completely), I’d feel like it was my responsibility. Regardless of which, you’d get heaps of points for being so great about it. Good post.
Thank you, Bacchus. There really are times when it’s not our fault, and I would hate to think that a guy really would consider charging a woman that much for something she couldn’t help.
After thinking this over for another day, I think my point is really just a subset of the concept of hospitality. If a guest in my home breaks a glass or a chair, the rules of hospitality forbid me from charging them for the loss; rather, it’s my duty to minimize the matter and make them feel that it did not in any fashion affect the warmth of their welcome. Someone invited into my bed is entitled to the same courtesy, are they not?
“Someone invited into my bed is entitled to the same courtesy, are they not?”
Bacchus you are such a sweetie! Yes they deserve at least the same amount of courtesy because what their giving you is alot more than just company. Whats more important, things or a warm connection with someone that cares about you? Things will never be more important to me than friends.
What I don’t get is why the featherbed needs to be replaced. It’s not like his sheets are transparent are there? So what if there’s a stain, nobody’ll see it. Wash it and cover it with new sheets and end of story.
Bacchus is a sweetie and a gentleman – quite a sexy combination in my eyes! :)
As for the guy who wants his bedding replaced, he must not get a lot of good sweaty, messy, fun sex if sheets are such a priority for him. What woman wants a man who puts more value on pristine bedding than the pleasure of being bedded?
Wow.. what goes on in brain of some small men.. If this gentleman.. is so concerned about the price of his bedding he should consider the cost of child support for 18 years. He may then be greatful that the girl from last night wont be pregnant and asking for support in nine months.
Bacchus, you are wonderful! Thank you.
During sex (if you’re doing it right) a lot of fluids happen. It’s just the way things are.
I’ve known guys to be up tight about a little taste, or a woman on their periods because I’ve talked to the women afterwards. They’re mortified, embarassed, and sometimes scarred by the whole thing.
If you’re already sharing bodily fluids, one fluid or another isn’t going to make any difference. Sheets can be laundered, and trading off stained sheets for a good romp is worth it anyday in my book. Although if the woman knows in advance that there’s menstrual flow going on, there’s no shame in either party throwing a beach towel or an old blanket on the bed. That’s just common sense.
There are exceptions sure: *unhealthy* emissions (think yeast infections) and scat play (at least in my book) but everything else should be fair game.
thanks for the post bacchus! i had a drunken one-nighter with an ex-coworker and got my period midway. of course i was horrified but he calmed me down and even started to go down… but i was too freaked out to continue. he was so sweet! now if only i could find him… and show him my appreciation.
As the Stones said: We all need someone to bleed on–anyone (men) watching that show get no sympathy from me and need to reconsider their lives.
There’s an adage in amateur auto racing: if you can’t afford to drive your car off a cliff, you can’t afford to drive it on the track.
If you can’t afford to ruin your sheets, then you can’t afford to screw on them. Some of the best nights of my life involved ruining clothes, bedding and furniture.
Some quite good times were totally spoilt for me by my (now ex-)husband immediately going in search of a washcloth (I think that’s what you Americans call a flannel) or substitute and carefully washing himself and then coming back to wipe me – and _not_ as a prelude to more fun-and-games. It made me think that he perceived sex as dirty and I always felt disappointed by his actions. He never managed to change my attitude that slippery and maybe sticky is good clean fun though.
ok, women are messy and adding to winged corset comment up there, cold water in washing machine. Also if you put peroxide on a blood stain, it will help to get it out pretty quick as well.
I have no problems with juices, they happen to be a fun part about sex, i mean you can always take a shower with the person later =)
Bacchus, I also want to thank you for your generous attitude. THIS is chivalry!!
I had a mortifying encounter a few years ago– not in a bed, but definitely something that was awkward. I always felt wierd about it. I felt like it was my fault. Until I read your post.
I’m a woman, my body has functions and fluids. And I deserve a man who will venerate my body in all its biological glory.
Thanks for reminding me.
Chris: “my (now ex-)husband … carefully washing himself and then coming back to wipe me – and _not_ as a prelude to more fun-and-games. …”
I, on the other hand, will bring a warm soapy washcloth and a hot wet washcloth to bed “after” and lovingly wash off my beloved husband so he doesn’t have to sleep with a sticky … er… stick.It’s part of showing my gratitude toward him,
and partly just common sense for me! (And if I use the washclothes to prevent myself from ‘sleeping sticky’ too, so much the better!
“I’m a woman, my body has functions and fluids. And I deserve a man who will venerate my body in all its biological glory.”
I concur, though that doesn’t stop me from sleeping with caution when bleeding vaginally. My lover has all white, pristine linens.. He is also a tad blood-phobic.. So I respect that and take extra care not to bleed on him or his possessions.. Lol.
While I rather enjoy sex on the rag (hahaha “rag”) he doesn’t.. :(
Respect and good communication are vital, I think in the maintenance of any healthy relationship, affair, tryst, etc.
And by the way, blessed be Bacchus! What a gentleman! I love fellows like you
After many years of blissful matrimony, my sweetheart’s medical condition causes occasional losses of control. In the spirit of a gentleman I assure her: “There’s guys who pay extra for that.” I would be less than a man to do otherwise.
If you are going to share your bodies, then you should be capable of anticipating and dealing with the consequences especially since this sort of phenomenon is not impossible to anticipate.
May I suggest placing an old quilt or a mattress protector on the bed under the sheet? I rent out rooms and always do this. Then, when a little “accident” happens I whip off the protector and throw it in the bin declaring that it is virtually disposable and please “don’t worry” as the mattress is the big ticket item.
[…] to wash her feet before you get her between your 1200-count Egyptian threads, take it! But, hey, be a man about […]
“Women, Zeus love ’em, emit at various times from their juicier parts an entertaining variety of fluids, smells, and flavors. And they tend to be freaked as hell about it, which means they are always washing, swabbing, denaturalizing, sterilizing, and fumigating themselves with soaps and perfumes strong enough kill an entire flock of peregrine falcons passing three city blocks away. If you like the scent or taste of any of a woman’s natural juices, you’ll be smart and shut the hell up about any you don’t like. “Blood? What blood? I didn’t see any blood.” The last thing you ever want to do is encourage, acknowledge, or reinforce a woman’s self-consciousness. In sticky situations, it’s your solemn duty to make her laugh and then change the subject real quick.”
Old post, but I had to comment. I’d say that, even better than pretending you don’t care, is a guy who actually *doesn’t* care about body fluids. One of the things I loved the most about DC Boy is that he was almost impossible to embarrass about anything, whether it be menstrual blood or fetishes. Once during some post-sex cuddling I said, “You know, I know we both want to go to sleep right now, but if I don’t get up and put a pad on I will get blood all over your sheets”. His answer? “I’ll just wash them later”, and we snuggled up more and went to sleep like that. :D
Of course, for most of us, that kind of attitude takes work and conscious effort to achieve. Even though I’ve known many dudes who don’t care about the blood, I still find myself reflexively warning them that there will be, and wondering if they’re telling the truth when they say they don’t mind!
I’ve never had 1,000 thread count sheets, though I used to want them. The more I have sex, tho, the sillier they seem, and the more indicative of a lack of actual sexual experience. People who actually fuck–who have orgies, or swing, or help set up spaces for events where sexual activity is allowed–always get the cheapest sheets possible, because they *know* there’s going to be a mess!
“Sincerity is the important thing. Once you can fake that, you’ve got it made.”
I guess my point is, a gentleman should strive to make the lady comfortable whether or not the blood bothers him. That’s a matter for his own personal development, and not all of us are going to be equally enlightened. Neuroses and squick happens. But that’s personal baggage, not to be inflicted on your bed partner if you can possibly help it.
[…] Sometimes guys can be real dicks. But sometimes they just need to be educated: A Basic Rule For Gentlemen […]