Back in my college days, I sometimes hung out with an assortment of Wiccans and neopagans and Society for Creative Anachronism (SCA) types. I blended best, among that crew, with the pseudo-Vikings, if only because I knew how to, and was willing to, brew a foul-but-potent quick-mead in five gallon batches. Thus did I become familiar with the iconography of the Thor’s hammer, worn as jewelry in much the same way that Christians wear crosses. This late Saxon example was found in Norfolk with a metal detector:

gold thor's hammer pendant

But in the looming Mike Pence blood-soaked theocracy, where should a discreet follower of the old Norse gods carry his sacred hammer pendant, once the weekly public pagan burnings get underway? It’s a problem, but I think I may have found a solution. This Cock Screw Silicone Penis Plug Set may be marketed as a matched set of urethral sounds, but to my eye the plugs seem pretty clearly designed to function as crypto-hammers that a Thor-worshiper can carry you-know-where, without being discovered by any but the most intrusive of body searches:

cock screw urethral sound set silicone

Laugh now if you must, but you’ll thank me, ye Sons of Odin, after the first time you get caught up in a random religious purity sweep by the Rapture Brigades.

Meanwhile back in your urethra, here is some more information:

The innovative Cock Screw Set consists of a pair of thick silicone sounds featuring wing nut handles at the base so you can easily control how deep you want to penetrate or how slow you want to twist without fumbling.

The Cock Screw Set comes with two sounds: Spike and Twist. Use Spike for a smooth slide down your shaft, or really put those wing nut handles to use with Twist, turning its spiral shape deep inside until your eyes roll back. With both measuring an impressive 6.5 mm diameters at their widest points, you’ll be pretty well stuffed no matter which design you use.

The Cock Screw Set of sounds are made of 100% pure platinum cure silicone, making them ideal for urethral insertion. Both a body-safe material and able to be sterilized, these silicone plugs are also flexible, allowing for a more forgiving insertion. Made in the USA by the cock toy experts at Oxballs.

These sounds are currently quite heavily discounted as part of the Yuletide Naughty Or Nice sale that The Stockroom is running through December 26, as is much else besides! That sale is well worth checking out.

Update: It turns out I have blogged about these plugs before. The first time I saw them, I thought axe, not hammer. How quickly the world changes, and our outlook with it!

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