I was looking through the new sex toys on the market this week when I saw something that made me clutch at my genitals reflexively. That doesn’t happen very often, but unless you’re already an aficionado of this fetish, I think you’ll understand why, when you see it:

penis plug

It’s the Giant Penis Plug, and the sales copy doesn’t help much:

Grooved for your pleasure, this appealing streamlined-design penis plug features a gently tapered, round point for easy insertion into the urethra. Running along the plug’s sleek steel shaft are five deep, machined grooves, equal distance apart from one another, creating a ribbed texture for intensified urethra stimulation. Mounted on the end of the plug is a slender, graceful steel curved arm with an attached bead. Connected to the fixed bead is a detachable head ring that is worn tightly around the head of the penis, so the plug will not slip too far in or slide out.

When I see the phrase “intensified urethra stimulation” all I can think of is a good old-fashioned Monty Python line: “Run away! Run away!”

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