A Pornographer Who Gets It
I’ve repeatedly railed against porn sites that are all “slut” this, “cunt” that, and “whores and bitches” over there. In my experience, guys who talk like that aren’t getting any, and no wonder! I doubt it’s any different for guys who enjoy their porn labelled in that ugly fashion.
So imagine my delight in discovering a pornographer who “gets it”. Donovan Phillips writes (in his blog Donny’s Ramblings: Diary of a Pornographer):
I fucking hate going to websites that use words like whores and sluts. There’s nothing at all wrong with a woman showing her sexuality. The way our society encourages women to repress the evidence of their sex drive really bothers me. Men are encouraged to boast about their strong libido, but a woman with a strong sex drive who agressively goes for what she wants is labeled with one of those words I so hate.
And you know what else? There’s nothing at all wrong with a man being aroused by a woman showing her sexuality, even to the point of masturbation. Why do I mention this? Because I’m sure that you, like me, may have a background influenced by religious individuals that tell you anything pleasant in life is a sin of some sort. Masturbation’s a sin, ya know. Fuck them.
Preach it, Brother Donny!
Shorter URL for sharing: http://www.erosblog.com/?p=1211
Thanks for this Bacchus – I agree wholeheartedly!
The traditional approach to porn so completely takes for granted and is completely married to the rather quaint notion that the graphic depiction of sex parts or sex acts is the ultransgression, and that transgression is the ultimate turn-on.
Nothing wrong with transgression, transgression can be a lot of fun (especially living in a society so uncomfortable with sex.)
But as fun as it can be, there are a lot of other ways to get your cock hard or your pussy wet. Sex isn’t just about being bad, in fact it’s mostly about being good.
-T.C.
I hope Brother Donny is fruitful and multiplies, spreading that fine attitude all over the planet.
Life is too short for the whore/slut b.s. and sex is too good.
:)
This is music to my ears. I was for a long time put off anything “pornographic” due to the aspect of it that degraded women and merely encouraged us to think of them as sex objects. However, I now recognise the nicer side of the coin, i.e. women legitimately coming out and expressing their sexuality because they want to, not because they are being coerced to. This is reinforced by the number of quality blogs by women themselves that are enhancing our sex lives with their sant on things. Long may it continue.
My thoughts exactly.
i couldn’t agree more.
as a sexually bold woman, i have sometimes been afraid of judgemental attitudes from society in general or my partners in particular.
i do, however, find that as i get older, i’m caring less and less what people think.
they either get it or they don’t.
it’s not my problem.
I worked at a porn shop for a number of years, and noticed the videos just kept getting nastier and nastier, to the point where the BDSM stuff seems respectful by comparison. Some of these filmmakers are psychopaths with a camcorder, and those who enjoy this kind of thing are probably no better. This also goes for the “Barely 18” crap, where the women dress and act like little girls, a trend which is disturbingly popular.
There has always been good porn out there without these kinds of attitudes. Andrew Blake, for example, produces some great stuff.
I completely agree. Porn can be nice and sensual, and still get my pussy flowing.
Great post – agree totally. I try to think of whore and slut as a complement rather than it’s intended meaning…
I am completly with you on this.
Followed your site for ages from Australia. Sex is fun and when sites bag those involved, it is a turn off.
Sick of this “slut paid for cash”,stuff. Reckon a site that spoke of “love” might be an improvement.
All the best from “up top” and not downunder,always
John
I applause this post with both hands
I’m like Tieme-n-spankme. I try to think of the words as compliments rather than insults. Sort of like how many women have embraced the word bitch as a compliment.
However, I do think many of those sites are very disrespectful and I do not like going to sites that treat women like that. Although staged, I totally dislike the BangBus series because it reinforces the stereotype that women who enjoy sex are bad and deserve to be treated like that.
Right on! Yeah, I don’t know who most of this stuff is written for. I worked for some of the people who write it, and none of them actually speak or think like that. They just somehow think that’s what people want. And it is just so boring. Sex is a wonderful and interesting thing, and porn might just as well appeal to intelligent people. And luckily some of it does, but it can sometimes be hard to find within the garbage.
As someone who wholly embraces the slut moniker, I am unable to think of the word as a negative. In fact, when I hear it in a negative context it’s genuinely amusing – like hearing someone use a vernacular from an antique age.
I think that being sex-positive individuals means we employ a different relationship with sexually charged language than other people do and we just don’t identify with those who use sex terms as bad things.
But then again, I have long been accused of selling out the sisterhood for enjoying my profession.
Dox
Doxy, I got in trouble with Eden back when she was calling herself “Dirty Whore” on this same topic. I guess I’m not really talking about what women choose to call themselves, I’m talking about what men choose to call women. And I’ve yet to come across a male pornographer who means anything good by the word “slut”. In my experience, men who use that word despise sexual women. (Of course I haven’t met all the men in the world. But I’ve never met a counterexample, not once.)
I’m conflicted about this because, on the one hand, I hate the sort of double standard that makes it OK for a word like “nigger” to be used by a traditional target of the epithet, but not by anyone else. On the other hand, I hate political correctness that keeps people from labeling themselves as they please.
To an extent, words mean what we pay them to mean. If you use “slut” without meaning anything bad by it, fine for you — but if you think the rest of the world *understands* what you mean, I think you are wrong. It’s kind of like going around calling your refrigerator “the turd locker” — you and your friends may understand what you mean, but there are still going to be many people who won’t want to eat dinner at your house. Are they the narrow-minded ones? I’m not convinced they are. You can’t erase a word’s connotations merely by rejecting them, no matter how much you would like to.
I first heard this debate when I was hanging around with pagans, who would argue whether it was worthwhile to try and “reclaim” the word “witch”. They’ve had, I think, some success; but I’m not sure how much. “Slut” has a lot further to go, and my other three examples (“cunt”, “whore”, and “bitch” ) have considerably further to go than “slut”.
I see where Donny is coming from (and I know he likes my webwhore manifesto so he can’t be TOTALLY against some of us using the word “whore”), and appreciate that many of us are tired of hearing the same tired old insulting terms bandied around to describe women in porn.
I agree that there’s nothing wrong with women being sexual, and we shouldn’t be denigrated for our sexuality. I also think there’s nothing wrong with women CAPITALIZING on their sexuality, which is exactly what being a whore entails.
The word “whore” by itself TO ME is a positive word, because it means sex worker. It’s unfortunate that most people spit out the term like it’s an ugly horrible subhuman thing to be. It’s the old “not what you do, it’s the way that you do it” thing. The word “whore” isn’t a bad thing, it’s the way most people say it that’s ugly and vicious. It totally depends on the context.
Count me in the reclamation crowd . . . I think it’s important for some of us to call ourselves whores and to do so with pride. I do not want the people who use the term disparagingly to be the ones to define the term . . . let us whores define ourselves!