Satyrs, Sex And Cookies
I must say, I’m impressed. I managed to offend ErosBlog’s audience on my very second post. Don’t give in so easy. Make me wait for it. Make me earn it. Don’t give it away for free, I’ll get complacent.
But let me change the subject here.
While we’re on the topic of mythology and sex (and when, frankly, are we not in this space), I wanted to point out a newly-released e-book by the lovely and talented Doxy Wringer entitled Satyrs, Sex & Cookies. This is a collection of erotica which, in Doxy’s own words, ‘houses both a few old favorites and a smattering of never-before-read lewd treats.’ It’s got a couple of supernatural stiffeners, a near-incest tale and a tasty lesbian encounter.
Doxy never disappoints. She’s got my five simoleons.
Sample:
I was on some kind of padded surface. It felt like a doctor’s table, only in the shape of a letter “X” with an added support for my head. The cold vinyl under my back sent gooseflesh up and down my spine. It was an altar. Incense bowls burned at the four corners of my spead-eagle form, issuing a foul, herbaceous, sickly-sweet mist. Leather tethers braced my wrists, and my ankles. I was open so wide that my thigh muscles felt overextended. A dull pang radiated up the creases where my legs attached to my torso and in my sweaty armpits.
Cool air was free to lick up between my legs like some twisted gynecologist set-up. I groggily realized the way I was spread open and the lack of a table between my legs would allow them to walk right up between my thighs and…
To my far left was a statue of some kind – it looked like a prop out of a Buffy the Vampire Slayer re-run. An obscene monstrosity of black marble and what looked like red jasper. Some kind of satyr-demon. A man’s head, but for horns, atop a torso of rippling brawn, but that’s where the human parts ended. His legs were gnarly. Hoofed and hairy. Goat or Clydesdale or grizzly llama.
And an erection the size of a Buick.
* * * *
He walked up between my legs until the dangling sheath of his sex idly thumped my thighs. His thick-fingered hands reached forward, grasping hold of my already tender breasts and mauling them in lusty, kneading handfuls. A shimmer came into his black eyes – a carousing to a silent summons.
The chanting was more like music now, a buzzing drone of strings and wind instruments – badly tuned flutes and lyres. Or maybe it only seemed that way because I myself was being strummed.
“It has been ages upon ages since I have indulged in the flesh of a human woman,” he crooned in a breathy gust of sound. “You are a girl. Young. Supple. Succulent.” Without warning, one hand shoved between my thighs and I felt long, probing fingers stretch into the swollen tenderness of my slit. “And tight,” he leaned his head back in a lecherous moan of satisfaction.
Shorter URL for sharing: https://www.erosblog.com/?p=1192
I have heard of something similar but not as sick. It is the cowboy. You are fucking her from behind and you reach down – grab her tit – and whisper in her ear that she is not as good a fuck as her sister. It is at that point that you hold on for dear life.
There are a large number of them…
The Donkey Punch
The Dirty Sanchez
The Angry Dragon
The Rodeo (described above as the cowboy)
The Flying Camel (a hilarious favorite)
And many more… peruse the Urban Dictionary for more…
There are different names all over for it, but the first time I heard it, it was called the Bucking Bronco, and only works if your a girl and while you’re straddling the guy you lean down and whisper in his ear, “I have AIDS”, and then hang on tight!! :crazy:
Call me crazy, but I didn’t find that remotely amusing at all. Pretty sick really. Sorry, I’m really not a prude or a killjoy. Just find the idea surprising a woman with a punch during sex pretty nasty and not remotely funny. Really just seems to be a straight play into primitive male violence against women. I’m disappointed to read it on this site.
I’m with Robert S.
I don’t find non-consensual violence funny at all! I find it insulting and am a bit alarmed at finding it on this site.
really grateful to hear a man say he doesn’t find it funny. thank you, robert.
Folks, one thing we don’t allow on ErosBlog is calling other people or their sexual ideas “sick” or “nasty”. I’ll start deleting comments if that keeps happening. ErosBlog is about the free expression of sexuality, and condemnation of others is incompatible with that. It’s simply not allowed here. You’re free to say “I don’t like this” — but you have to be polite and non-condemnatory, or you’ll be gone.
I’m actually in agreement that this whole category of Urban-Dictionary names-of-fake-and-disgusting-sexual-practices humor isn’t very funny, which is why I’ve never posted about it even though it’s all over the web. It strikes me as frat-boy humor, mostly, and I don’t think much of frat-boys.
But, and it’s a huge “but”, I invited Dionysus to blog here precisely because his style is different and more visceral. He’s posting *his* viewpoint, not mine, and he’s more than welcome to do so. You don’t have to like his sense of humor, but you do have to be civil.
Last point: Never forget that the sentence “That’s not funny!” is a punchline.
I don´t find this funny at all. Reminds me of what i´ve read about “happy slapping”, and some comments on that topic.
I am shocked at all the horrible comments in the last post! I can’t imagine anyone actually carrying out the idea of the Donkey Punch, and that’s why we can laugh at it. Plus it’s got a ring to it. Like Grundle Punch.
Dionysus –
It’s just as well you clarified that you didn’t find the act itself funny. In the original, straight after a description of the act you wrote, “The inexplicable part is, why is this funny?” On first reading, I took that to mean you found the act funny.
I’m curious to know what Dionysus, who would presumably be on the giving end of a Donkey Punch, finds so fucking hilarious about it.
Oh wait! Is it like the Donkey Bite? You know, girls—where you’re sucking him off and he’s just about to come and you chomp down good and hard?
Soooooooooooooo funny!!!
NOT.
DTG xxoo
Pussy Talk
I appreciate political correctness as much as the next person, but the self-righteousness hooey above is a bit of a stretch given that this topic is well established all over the net. It’s like being outraged because you just learned about breath-play (except that breath-play is real and as far as I know donkey punching is just a “funny in theory” thing).
Like it or not “primitive male violence against women” is a popular fantasy-play aspect for both men and women. Making someone feel bad because it’s an element of their subconscious or fantasy sexuality is against everything Eros has done with this blog. Likewise, going after someone’s sense of humor for the same reasons is silly.
That said, I don’t find it personally to be funny. I don’t resent it, I’m not offended and/or shocked by it but I don’t get the humor and never have. It’s lost on me and I have a HUGE fetish for non-consent and rape fantasy play (and, I like to think, a healthy sense of humor).
But then, I don’t get the Three Stooges, either.
I started reading this blog because it had a certain flavor about sex and about respect. And I think that flavor could be summed up by the words “And a good time was had by all”. That concept was always a constant undercurrent and a reason I came here and, I suspect, a reason many other people came here.
But things change with time.
Since you’re cool with your guest poster apparently enjoying offending people and you’re cool with half the people in a sex act being knocked out, then it seems safe to say that “a good time was had by all” isn’t a feature to stop here for anymore.
:shrug:
In no way am I or this space advocating any violence towards women.
Okidoki–this is a bit like saying, “I’m not racist, some of my best friends are black people.” and then proceeding to tell a racist joke. I think part of what people are reacting to is the somewhat defensive tone the post started out with. If it’s really ok, why defend it?
The inexplicable part is, why is this funny? Because for some reason, it is.
Ok, it’s funny to YOU, not necessarily to everyone. The last statement seems like you are assuming EVERYONE agrees.
Now, that said I’ll admit I am very fond of rape fantasy, and this would somewhat fall into that category for me. I don’t find the idea funny, but I do find it mildly interesting as a roleplay as long as the punch wasn’t too hard and it was followed by a nice spanking and a bit of dirty talk. Maybe some restraint, restraint is always lovely. Mmmmm……
http://www.subg....html
I don’t usually link, but the above link is just full of “oh my god people actually named these disadters” type of moves like the Donkey Punch.
Disclaimer: I have friends in a band called “Donkey Punch”. Very tight set (pun intended).
I tried to find this funny.
I attempted to be objective and non-judgemental.
I hoped that I wasn’t the sort of person to criticise somebody else’s opinion.
I have sadly been unable to do any of the above.
I found this post disturbing for one reason: not due to the subject matter (for Bacchus has posted far more ‘controversial’ material before), but because (unlike Bacchus), the author Dionysus posted this with the lack of a critique.
Justifying it as ‘humourous’ doesn’t make for constructive discussion of this practise in my opinion.
(Trying to be civil Bacchus, sorry)
My, my my. You folks are so *easy*! I managed to offend you on my very second post.
Don’t give in so easy. Make me wait for it. Make me earn it. Don’t give it away for free, I’ll get complacent.
To answer the general cry of the masses, It’s not the act that’s funny; it’s the fact that we have a huge (funny, to me) cultural reference for something so utterly reprehensible. The fact that we can say ‘I feel like I’ve been donkey punched’ and everyone knows what that means. The fact that a (basically) imaginary sexual practice has become the punch-line of pop jokes; that’s what’s funny about this.
…And more to the point, the whole post is simply an excuse to post some very, very tasty boobies. Did everyone stop reading at the nipples? ;)
I can’t understand why everybody jumped on Dionysus. I am left wondering if they actually read the post?
DTG even said, “I’m curious to know what Dionysus, who would presumably be on the giving end of a Donkey Punch, finds so fucking hilarious about it”
Um, what? Dionysus said, “The inexplicable part is, why is this funny?”
“Inexplicable” generally means “Unexplainable” or “I don’t understand why this is”. He’s saying he doesn’t understand why it’s funny. He did NOT say that he thought it was funny. When he followed that with “Because it is”, I took that to mean “Well, lots of people sure think it is.”
I am with those people who don’t think the Donkey Punch is acceptable sexual behavior — for ME.
I am with Dionysus in that it’s fascinating (in a morbid way) to see how ubiquitous it and other things like it have become in our Internet Pop Culture.
… and they are very nice tits.
Hmm… I see where this would anger people… but to be honest with you there are many different sub-cultures out there. I don’t subscribe to wanting to do ANY of these things to someone, yet I do find the stupid frat-boy logic behind them amusing.
I don’t understand a lot of fetishes out there, the choking thing, the spanking thing, pain with sex, rape fantasies, but I don’t condemn them either, who knows what it will take to get me off in 20 years?
That’s not what a donkey punch is. A donkey punch is when you are doing a girl from behind and, without losing pace, you “accidentally” put it in her butt. It is quite the shocker…um, without actually being “The Shocker!”
Dionysus said he doesn’t favor violence toward women (presumably anyone) unless “they ask very very nicely.”
From the male masochist side:
I find pain just about the moment of orgasm – like my girlfriend slapping me exciting.
Twiddlybits – of course if you follow with the rest of the context, as in the next sentence “Because for some reason, it is.” You’d see that DTG was actually correct in that he does find it funny.
And fine, whatever to that, people like what they like. But if you are going to cut and paste, it’s only fair to do so within context.
I had a long argument on a message board about the concept of “donkey punch” and other phrases for non-existent sex acts.
The thing is, Donkey Punches and Dirty Sanchezes and all those things are primarily about men doing violence to women, or degrading them, during sex. You rarely find anything about a woman hurting a man (except for that “donkey bite” comment above, which I suspect was made up to make a point). And to me these puerile phrases diminish the seriousness of violence against women by expecting people to laugh at it.
I have to say I’m with Dust on this one. I visit Eros Blog a lot because of it’s sex-positive flavour. Now I come here and I find a new poster posting about the idea of rape by demons (“whats not to like?”) and “donkey punches”. It’s offputting. Perhaps I need to stay away for a while.
Guys let me just say that you should be careful if you really try something like that. Hell hath no fury like a woman with scissors.
whoops. i left off the :) :) :) :).
For that, I can take no credit. Bacchus, wise man that he is, gave me the keys only to the entry screens, not to the templates.
Thus, while I will happily bear the heavy weight of being a sick bastard with a strange sense of humor, I cannot step up to matters of the RSS feed.
Can’t, as Hades said in a certain film. Love to, but can’t.
I’ve never seen the Donkey Punch before, and I’ve been to some Pretty strange places. But perhaps not strange enough. However, I too have one of those ‘I love . . . .’ photos somewhere, I didn’t sign up for that site, but I thought it was a nice touch.
Accommodator, you’re just plain wrong. Do yer damned research! B^)
LOL. Well at least I know you really bought it because that excerpt isn’t on the sample page ;-)
Thanks for the plug, but I think, being a satyr (or God of the satyrs or whatever) you’re slightly biased!
Dox
<<<all those things are primarily about men doing violence to women, or degrading them, during sex. You rarely find anything about a woman hurting a man>>>
You’re kidding, right? You’ve never seen the “women kicking man in groin while he’s hanging from the ceiling” videos?
And that’s a REAL video. Donkey Punch is in theory.
Holy double-standard, Batgirl
And while lamenting that the concept is so unacceptable and degrading toward women, try noting the picture in question FEATURES a woman. Or are we back to determining that a woman exploiting herself is still a man’s fault?
Doxy
Doesn’t anyone remember the Epileptic Whore in the original MASH book? same concept really.. :P
Not only do you offend, looks like you managed to break the XML feed too! (Click the orange button on the sidebar to see what I mean)
Dionysus, not your fault. I forgot to tell you that ampersands in post titles breaks my primitive RSS feed. Fixed now.
Ah, yes. Too bad you’re not using MovableType. ;).
So again. Mea Culpa. I have a feeling I’ll be sayin g that a lot around here.
Just because Dionysus blogged about it, doesn’t mean he’s done it. Direct your anger at the idiot that heard about it and tried it, there’s got to be one.
Violence against women does happen, and the less we pretend it doesn’t, the better.
Yes, violence hapopens. Muder happens. Terrorism happens. Hideous, disfiguring disease happens. War. Bad, and worse. Suffering. Torture. Abuse. Lives so bad some of us can’t even imagine.
One has to maintain one’s ability to laugh. Or one is beaten. Laughter is what keeps us going.
Laugh. We’re all going to die anyway. We might as well go smiling.
Hey Doxy, I was talking about all those silly *phrases* like “Donkey Punch”.
Those videos of men being kicked in the groin are from BDSM type sites, I believe. Those guys are consenting to the act.
The phrases such as “donkey punch” describe someone hitting a woman without her consent. That’s the difference.
As for the photo… it features a woman holding up a sign. I’m sure she was paid to hold up that sign. What’s your point? If she’s getting paid to be hit in the back of her head and knocked out during sex, that’s her choice. But the *concept* of “donkey punch” doesn’t actually accord her that choice. It’s supposed to be a “hilarious surprise”. That’s what I find offensive and degrading to women. And that’s what I was talking about.
You can’t know the woman was paid to hold up the sign. You think a woman couldn’t possibly endorse/find amusing what it says, so you’re more comfortable for it to be a paid (and therefore potentially exploitive) act. Maybe that’s true, maybe it’s not. But there are plenty of pictures all over the net of women NOT being exploited who are depicting Donkey Punch situations because they do find humor in it and there are t-shirts worn by both men and women. It’s much more likely the girl was doing it for a joke rather than for a $20.
Something can only be degrading to women if it cannot be transferred on another set of partners, otherwise it’s just violence. What’s interesting to me is that no one posting here seems to be aware that phases like Donkey Punch and Dirty Sanchez and Chili Dog all mostly started as prison terms where no women were involved. The implied “she” of the phases is the bitch of the pair, but still intended as a man doing it to another man situation. Have we really gotten so PC that something which started out as an act of violence between two male prison inmates can be co-opted by feminist outrage? Maybe understanding the etymology of the terms makes it more obvious that they’re an expression of repressed / over-exertive machismo and hardly exploitive toward women. But we are so quick these days to label something racist or sexist or exploitive toward one group or another.
In practice there is a difference between consensual and non-consensual, agreed. A donky punch performed in real life by definition would be an act of violence – but that doesn’t mean it is inherently exploitive against women. In fact, I don’t know anyone who has ever done it in practice or anyone who even fantasizes about it as a real act. Considering the twisted little screws that make up me and my friends – that’s really saying something. In fantasy there is no exploitation. In fantasy there is no criminal act. It’s all expression and, in this case, warped humor.
However, it’s worth noting that there are perfectly normal women who fantasize about being raped/beaten/abused, especially in a sexual context. There are men who fantasize about being the abuser/beater/rapist. There’s nothing unhealthy about it.
But there will always be those who continue to insist that such fantasies (or acts contemplated in theory) are offensive and degrading to women. Or, they’re okay if a woman has such fantasies, but it’s only some horrible male who would engage in them. It’s a double standard because we continue to glorify the reverse as healthy woman-power rah-rah. A dominatrix with her whip licking a guy’s back and her boot up his ass is empowering to women. A woman raping a man is an expression of feminist rage, not exploitation toward men.
I don’t endorse violence toward women (or men, for that matter). There are few women in the world who don’t have first-hand knowledge of how frightening and violating such things can be in the real sense of the world. But trying to elevate this topic as exploitive toward women is misplaced feminist mantra.
Dox
Well said, Doxy. :cool:
http://www.patr...ewars
Damn that’s funny.
http://www.patr...Elvis
Now, I hope at least some of eros’ readers are putting a few bucks down on Doxy’s e-book. It’s the least you can do for a woman who brings the world so much pleasure.
Somehow, I think we’re missing the point in all this ranting. As far as I can tell– Dion was saying that he finds it amusing that ‘the Donkey Punch’ has become a cult joke, not that he finds the act itself amusing.
I don’t see the problem here. For example, the ongoing “All your base” joke, I find funny for the same reason– yet take the sentences out of context and they don’t amuse me at all, and, as far as bad English goes– it isn’t even THAT funny. The phenomena does amuse me, however. I see this as a similar thing.
Getting upset at Dion because ‘the Donkey Punch’ is inherently misogynist is a bit like getting upset at the “All your base” people for being inherently ‘racist’.
You don’t have to like the joke, get the joke OR find it amusing, but throwing wild accusations because someone else likes the joke seems a bit much to me. How much more ‘PC’ do we have to be before it starts getting ridiculous? Let it go, yeesh.
On another note, love the blog. =)
Sorry, late to the party here.
Personally, I think santorum (the frothy stuff) is disgusting, but I think the fact that everybody knows what it means and why it’s named that is hilarious.
I have similar opinions about the donkey punch. I wouldn’t do it. (Honestly, I still don’t buy the premise, from a purely mechanical point of view.) And I wouldn’t think it was funny if it was done to somebody. But like Doxy says, I wouldn’t think it would be funny to pick out two fingers and get them jammed in my eyes either, and I think the Three Stooges are fucking hysterical.
I just think the cultural phenomenom of the term itself is funny.
And lest somebody pull the whole “violence against women is never funny” bit again, I, like one or two other people here, have real first-hand experience with REAL violence against women…bruises and blood and blunt trauma and screaming and police cars and hospital visits. Sorry, but the mythical donkey punch, tasteless or not, ain’t even remotely in the same league.